901

#gram: Rosie Perera A man, a pig and a dog were the only survivors of a bad shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island where they soon developed a routine of sitting on the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

On one particular evening, the sky was red, with white, wispy clouds and a balmy breeze. It was the perfect night for romance. As the three of them sat there, the pig began to look increasingly desirable to the man. After a while, he leaned over and quietly put his arm around the animal. The dog was instantly jealous and growled menacingly, so the man hastily removed his arm from around the pig. After that, the trio continued to enjoy their sunsets regularly but with no more cuddling.

Two months later, there was another shipwreck in the area and the only survivor was the most beautiful young woman the man had ever seen. She was in quite a bad way when she was washed up on their island, but he lovingly nursed her back to health until, one day, she was able to join the trio on the beach for their sunset ritual.

It was another beautiful night - a fiery red sky, wispy clouds, and balmy breeze; a night just made for romance.

After a while, the man felt his ardour starting to rekindle. He fought it for as long as he could but finally he could contain himself no longer. So he leaned over to the beautiful young woman and whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Quick!" she shouted at the lover. "Grab all your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's come home early!"

The man looked out the window in alarm and protested: "That's insane! I can't jump out there! It's raining like crazy and I am naked!"

"I don't care about that," ranted the now paranoid woman; "If my husband catches you here, I guarantee he'll skin the pair of us alive!"

Still protesting, the lover reluctantly grabbed his clothes, went over to the bedroom window and leapt out...

He landed on the street below and, to his amazement, found himself in the middle of a group of marathon runners. Hoping to blend in with them, despite being naked, he started jogging along, carrying his clothes over one arm.

"Hello," greeted one of the runners, "no offence, but do you always run in the buff?"

Thinking on his feet, the lover replied breathlessly: "Yes; I always feel so free having all that fresh air wafting against my skin when I jog."

"I see... but, do you usually run with clothes over your arm?" queried the athlete.

"Yes, always," panted the lover. "That means I can get dressed after the race, go to my car, and get straight home without needing to have a shower first."

"I guess that's true," the athlete frowned, "but do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Only if it's raining."

902

[Carl Sandburg's HONKY TONK IN CLEVELAND, OHIO and Glenn Buttkus' HELL ON SEYMOUR AVENUE are anagrammed into 1. Rosemerry Trommer's SEYMOUR AVENUE, 2. RESCUING JOCELYN, an original poem (by this anagrammatist) dedicated to Amanda Berry's daughter, and 3. The second verse of the Green Day song AMANDA, the lyrics of which are scarily relevant.]

HONKY TONK IN CLEVELAND, OHIO
by Carl Sandburg

It's a jazz affair, drum crashes and cornet razzes.
The trombone pony neighs and the tuba jackass snorts.
The banjo tickles and titters too awful.
The chippies talk about the funnies in the papers.
The cartoonists weep in their beer.
Ship riveters talk with their feet
To the feet of floozies under the tables.
A quartet of white hopes mourn with interspersed snickers:
"I got the blues.
I got the blues.
I got the blues."
And . . . as we said earlier:
The cartoonists weep in their beer.

HELL ON SEYMOUR AVENUE
by Glenn Buttkus

Ariel Castro behaved like a pitiful scared
teenager in court today, tortoise head down,
eyes down, mute, frightened--after he dared

imprison three young women, stripped & bound,
making Amanda, Gina, & Michelle live out his
sick fantasies, until at last they were found

and liberated from a tortured life that is
finally revealed; beaten, restrained with rope,
raped, impregnated, assaulted, miscarried--tis

a miracle that they survived, or could even cope
throughout a decade of stygian darkness--
and now they cling tenaciously to the hope

that they will ever forget the beastliness,
surmount bitterness & really find happiness.

SEYMOUR AVENUE
by Rosemerry Trommer

All day I imagine
how it could be me,
could be you, it is her
on that street, in that car,
in the chains, in the window.
All day I break down
the door. All day
I turn toward love.
It is not hard to find love,
but it is not easy
to be joyful in it.
We are so alone
together.
All day I break.
The door
is still not open
enough.

RESCUING JOCELYN

Born a captive on a little makeshift bed.
Her parent, seventeen, picked up.
Seized a decade ago,
The slave "wife" muzzled & chained
Like a puppet in tatters
Stripped bare, kept from the light
In the windowless cellar.
Her senses suppressed,
The bruises, the cuts & cruel sensibilities...
The serf equipped with nothing but hope...
Thirsting, seeking for the ugliest truth.
The evil perpetrator -- sinister & bizarre
Abuses these dark secrets, these heartaches.
She senses the stench of the object of hate,
The brazen suspect, the arrogant sadist.
Arrest that frightful creature...
Itself like a repulsive, repugnant rattlesnake.

AMANDA
by Green Day

I was a different man
From five seconds ago
And you're a different woman that's for certain
I don't know a thing about
Is this a kind of love that only hate would understand
Amanda, I couldn't be your man.

903

"SEXY AND I KNOW IT"
by
Lmfao

Yeah, yeah
When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly
I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,
It's Redfoo with the big afro
And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow.

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out

When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

I'm sexy and I know it

Yeah
When I'm at the mall, security just can't fight them off
And when I'm at the beach, I'm in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks (what)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous
No shoes, no shirt, and I still get serviced (watch)

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
I work out

When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

I'm sexy and I know it

I'm sexy and I know it...

Check it out
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah, yeah
Do the wiggle man
I do the wiggle man
Yeah
I'm sexy and I know it

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out

Yeah I'm sexy and I know it!

"I'M SIXTY AND I KNOW IT"
by
Shaky Dave

Why?
When I walk down a bus on wobbly feet, middle-aged ladies offer their seats,
Ha! Brainless females, can't they see that in my head I am twenty-three?
Ay, this is me, I still got swagger, ten years younger than Mick Jagger!
No wavy hair on my bald head
But, wow! my pencil's full of lead.

Ooh, ah, move that body
Ooh, ah, work it out
Ooh, ah, what's that twinge?
Ooh, ah, bloody gout.

When I look in a mirror what do I see?
Hey, it's ol' grandad looking at me!
But I got passion, boy I know it,
A pity the face and body don't show it, show it, they won't show it.

I'm sixty and I know it!

Yeah!
When I'm at airport security checks,
I stow my phone in my pants (so risky
But at least the security girls will frisk me!)
I don't worry, I don't mind it, I take my pleasure where I find it,
This is how I roll, it's how I trip,
(Bloody arthritis in both hips!)

Ooh, ah, work that body,
Ooh, ah, work that brain,
Ooh, ah, what is that twinge?
Ooh, ah, what is that pain?

I go to bed at nine, wake at ten, go pee,
I go at half-past twelve, I go again at three,
Wiggle to the loo, shake it, pull the chain,
Wiggle to the loo, shake it, back again.

I'm sixty and I know it,

I'm sixty and I know it...

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... ooh...
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... ah...
Do that wiggle,
Shake that thing,
Yeah...
I'm sixty and I know it.

Hey y'all !
Look at my knees,
Look like knots
In a gnarled oak tree,
'Cos...

I'm sixty and I know it.

904

The Hobbit, or There and Back Again, by JRR Tolkien
Thirteen kith/kin, dragon-hate cabal, robbery job.
Chant, rant, jibber. Heed gray thinker! Bilbo: a Took!
Big banditry! Jeer: "Ha! Or kebab?" Then: "Halt! Into rock!"
Elrond, baby! At crib: eat, joke, art, herb. "Ho - night ink!"
Rocky terrain. Goblin hotbed! "Hi!" *jab* Thank Beater!
Oh no...labyrinth. Bad backbiter! Take ring, hero - jet!
Thin banter. At brink, hot. Eagle jockey! Bid harbor.

Beorn: hairy jerkin? No, bear! Attacked blight (both).
A deathly hike. "Cob" natter. Orb jabbing! Irk throne.
Deny a jerk king. Barrel-bob bath (Thorin, co.: "Hate it!").
Natty noble, highborn Bard. Take Erebor - hijack it!
Hot hijink. Ire ebb? No! Bay threat! Black dart - goner.
Bitter ego. Backhand bilk. Barter? "Join yon hearth!"
Ah, bright orb. A kink! Cry: "Enjoin battle, beat horde!"
Brace in heartbreak: death king, both bro jointly.
End northern trek, take rich bag. A hobby: jot alibi.

905

[John Kendrick Bangs' poem May 30 anagrammed into a poem for Memorial Day, with a fitting acrostic]

It seemed to be but chance, yet who shall say
That 'twas not part of Nature's own sweet way
That on the field where once the cannon's breath
Laid many a hero cold and stark in death,
Some little children, in the after-years,
Had come to play among the grassy spears,
And, all unheeding, when their romp was done,
Had left a wreath of wild flowers over one
Who fought to save his country, and whose lot
It was to die unknown and rest forgot?

May Dawning
Each glance she chances out the window now
May add one wrinkle to the widow's brow.
One chatty thrush appears to mock her gloom;
Red roses are a tense display of doom...
It pains her that her heart has been undone,
And yet - as hastily the coastal sun
Looms ever-softly over her front lawn,
Defiance thaws her at the red of dawn:
A loathed fate dealt her one astounding blow,
Yet Life won't let that thwart its stunning flow.

906

Well within the debris of Moore's
hellish mile-wide tornado site
glared this image from a humble
child's story (author?)

"I remember my old house,
it's rooms so bright and wide.
It's halls will echo for all of time,
with the laughter heard inside."