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A farmer stopped at the local garage to have his truck repaired.
They weren't able to do it while he waited, but he said he didn't live far so he'd happily walk home.
He went into the hardware store en route and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then called in at the feed store and got a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, he now had the problem of how to carry all these purchases home.
While he was pondering it, an old lady approached him. 'Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Juniper Lane?' she enquired.
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact my farm is very close to that lane. I'd walk you there but I'm struggling to carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why not put the tin of paint in the bucket. Then carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'That sounds just fine,' he agreed and proceeded to walk her home.
On the way, he said, 'Let's take a short cut down this alley. We'll get there in no time.'
The old lady regarded him warily then said, 'I'm a lonely widow with no husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get into the alley you won't pin me against the wall and have your evil way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Hell, ma'am! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How could I possibly pin you against the wall and do those things?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
While taking a quick stroll in the countryside one Friday morning, two Irishmen, Callaghan and O'Toole, came upon an abandoned well.
Curious to know how deep it might be, O'Toole picked up a couple of small stones, threw them down the well and waited for the splash as they hit the bottom. But he heard nothing.
So Callaghan picked up a rock and hurled that down the well too. They waited a while, but still they heard nothing.
They decided that they would need something much larger and heavier, and after a hasty search of the surrounding countryside, they came upon an old wooden railway sleeper.
Summoning up every ounce of their combined strength, they managed to haul the heavy railway sleeper back to the well and together they propped it up and threw it down the hole. As they stood back waiting for the splash of it hitting the bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt straight into the open well.
"Huh? Did you see what oi just feckin' saw?" O'Toole croaked hoarsely.
"Oh, Holy Mother, oi think oi feckin' did," whispered a stunned Callaghan.
Both men were still recovering from the shock of what they had seen when a farmer appeared.
"Hi, have either of you seen a goat?" he asked.
"Oh brother, we certainly have!" exclaimed Callaghan. "A goat just came up and it leapt straight down dat feckin' well, so it did!"
"Ah, well that certainly wouldn't have been my goat," chuckled the farmer, "'cause mine was tied to a railway sleeper."