The Special Category

Anagrammy Awards > Voting Page - Special Category

An optional explanation about the anagram in green, the subject is in black, the anagram is in red.

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A Poem by Lewis Carroll

"The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright —
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done —
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun."

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead —
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
'If this were only cleared away,'
They said, 'it would be grand!'

'If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Walrus said,
'That they could get it clear?'
'I doubt it,' said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

'O Oysters, come and walk with us!'
The Walrus did beseech.
'A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.'

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head —
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat —
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more —
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings.'

'But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,
'Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!'
'No hurry!' said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
'Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed —
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.'

'But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
'After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!'
'The night is fine,' the Walrus said.
'Do you admire the view?'

'It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf —
I've had to ask you twice!'

'It seems a shame,' the Walrus said,
'To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'The butter's spread too thick!'

'I weep for you,' the Walrus said:
'I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

'O Oysters,' said the Carpenter,
'You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none —
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.


While skiffling with his 'Quarrymen'
Boy Lennon said to Paul
"Hey, dude, why don't you sing with us?
We're sure to have a ball."
So Paul said 'Yes' and George was next
And Ringo last of all.

A group was formed, the scene was set
They went in search of fame
But soon the boys all realised
They'd have to change their name
So, inspired by Buddy's 'Crickets',
'The Beatles' they became

They learnt their trade in Hamburg's dives
And back in Liverpool
Where they played at The Cavern club
(The kids thought they were cool!)
Said Epstein, "Can I manage you?
"Together we shall rule!"

The rest, of course, is history
Their status quickly soared
They cut a record, 'Love Me Do'
And it reached No. Four
The fans adored these cheeky lads
And they demanded more!

And that's precisely what they got
As 'Please Please Me' hit Two
Then they had their first No. One
A song 'From Me To You'
And then a bigger No. One
The catchy 'She Loves You'.

Those Lennon and McCartney songs
Were truly so unique,
And the added three-part harmonies
Would make your knees go weak!
And when George started to write hits
The fab four hit fresh peaks.

The disc 'I Want To Hold Your Hand'
Would seal their fate the day
That it rushed in to top the charts
In the US of A!
So, sudden worldwide fame arrived
And it arrived to stay!

The Beatles soared from hit to hit
Their music scaled new heights
Of sheer, creative genius
The future was so bright.
When 'Sgt Pepper' was conceived
It reaffirmed their might.

But, ah, another person had
Intruded on the scene
Her name was Yoko Ono she
Was like a figurine
Sad Lennon he was dazzled but
The others weren't so keen...

These were the 'fab four's' golden days
When they were at their peak
But had that vast creative vat
Begun to spring a leak?
And over time, did Yoko break
The Beatles, so to speak?

And was this the defining time,
When history looks back,
The Beatles' base began to shift
It's walls began to crack?
Did they choose wrong directions?
Had they subtly changed tack?

"The time has come, fans," Lennon said
"For an unusual song
I wrote it on an acid trip
The lyrics sound all wrong
'I Am The Walrus' it is called
I hope you sing along!"

I do aver, we loved those words
Ah, I did anyway!
Ooh, the idiosyncrasy!
But, buddies, may I say?
I'd sensed a threat of an adieu,
Some sad and sorry day

In those last topsy turvy years
The boys' success plateaued
Their work it's said, was not their best
(Aside from 'Abbey Road')
The four discussed it and agreed
To end the episode.

Behind them lay achievements that
No one would ever beat
The twists of fate that teamed them up
History can't repeat
We will not see their likes again
Nor duplicate their feats

So, Macca carried on with 'Wings'
And then went off solo
While Lennon scored hits of his own
Or dabbled with Yoko
Harrison wrote new, classic tunes
That always ebbed and flowed.

But now, within our souls we hoped
That, at a future date,
The 'fab four' boys would reunite
So we could hear them play
We had such hopes, but, ah, as usu-
-al, life got in the way...

Or rather, 'death' got in the way
Mark Chapman saw to that.
Then cancer saw off Harrison
And so our dreams were dashed
But their sweet music stayed alive,
And rose out of the ash.

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[This anagram is in keeping with 'National Smile Month' which will be celebrated in the United Kingdom from May 19 to June 19 this year. The song YOU'RE NEVER FULLY DRESSED WITHOUT A SMILE, from the musical "Annie," is anagrammed into a poem titled SMILES with the acrostic constraint NATIONAL SMILE MONTH. The names mentioned in the poem are those of famous "smilers" in Art, Music and History. As an additional constraint, there are two footnotes -- the first is an excerpt from Charlie Chaplin's song SMILE; and the second is the entire chorus of Avril Lavigne's SMILE.]

Music: Charles Strouse / Lyrics: Martin Charnin

(spoken) This is Bert Healy saying ...
(singing now) Hey, hobo man
Hey, Dapper Dan
You've both got your style
But Brother,
You're never fully dressed
Without a smile!

Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly
They stand out a mile --
But Brother,
You're never fully dressed
Without a smile!

Who cares what they're wearing
From Main Street,
to Saville Row,
It's what you wear from ear to ear
And not from head to toe
(That matters)

So, Senator,
So, Janitor,
So long for a while
You're never fully dressed
Without a smile!

Ready or not, here he goes
Listen to Bert
Tap his smilin' toes

Ah, the lovely Boylan Sisters

Doo doodle-oo doo
Doo doodle-oo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly
They stand out a mile
But, brother
You're never fully dressed
You're never dressed
Without an





Smile darn ya smile.

That matters
So Senator
So Janitor
So long for a while







Now to resolutely study
Andy Warhol's Marilyn Monroe or
The so blissful Buddha.
I dream not of bloody errors or rotten trolls
Or so-so obsolete tools or Bobby's lobotomy but
Now of Malle Babbe
And Jolly Toper, too.
Love your
Self Portrait, Jan Steen;
Must be one roller!
I need Charlie Chaplin's melody.*
Love your chorus, Avril Lavigne.**
Elated or blithesome
Mona Lisa by Leonardo, subverted by
Our esteemed storyteller Duchamp.
No more tormentors; moroseness, too.
To be sore or so lost; tortured or to rot
Here? Better be so blessed.


*Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near.
If you smile with your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you.

**Yo-u said "Hey,
What's your name?"
It took one look
And now we're not the same
Yeah you said "Hey."
And since that day
You stole my heart
And you're the one to blame
And that's why I smile
It's been a while
Since every day and everything has
Felt this right
And now you turn it all around
And suddenly you're all I need
The reason why I-I-I
I smi-i-ile.

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The Five Toughest Questions that Women Ask Men, and the Answers Guys Need...

The questions are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

The thing that makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major fuming argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with a possible response.

1. What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are and how lucky I am to have met you."

Inappropriate answers:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are now.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy on "Married with Children", who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

2. Do you love me?
The proper response is always "YES!", or if you feel a more detailed answer is in order "Yes, dear. Of course!"

Inappropriate responses include:
a. I suppose so.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said "yes"?
c. That depends on what you mean by love (the Bill Clinton response).
d. Does it matter?
e. Huh? Are you talking to me?

3. Do I look fat?
Possibly the best preventative answer is the emphatic "No!"

Prohibited provocative responses:
a. Compared to whom?
b. Yes. I wouldn't say "blimp-like", but those thighs sure do make a lot of noise!
c. A few extra pounds look good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Please repeat that question. I was just thinking about how I could spend the insurance money if you died first.

4. Do you think she's prettier than me?
Again, the correct response is a zealous or authoritative, "No!"

Inadvisable answers:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. She is no prettier, but she is a lot thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty.
e. Please repeat the question; I was thinking of the insurance money again.

5. What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question here. (The real answer is "Buy that classic Jaguar I've always wanted.")

No matter how you answer this question, be prepared for hours of follow-up questions, along these lines:

Wife: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Wife: Why not ... don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: OK, I'd get married again.
Wife: YOU WOULD (hurt look on face)??
Man: Correct, I would.
Wife: (sobbing) Would you still keep all my photos, or replace them with hers?
Man: That seems like the proper thing to do.
Wife: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: Hush! She can't use those...she's left handed!

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If he lives in the jungle and doesn't have a razor, how come Tarzan doesn't have a beard?

Why do we press harder on the remote control even if we know the batteries are flat?

Why do the banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' if they're aware that there are insufficient funds to cover it?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear crash helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there's in excess of four billion stars in the sky, but check when you say that the paint is wet?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?


And did you ever stop to wonder...?

If the temperature is zero today and it is going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be tomorrow?

Do married people really live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we'd put a man on the moon before we figured out that it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'Hmm... I think I'll squeeze
those pink dangly things and drink whatever might come out of them.'?

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its arse.'

Why do toasters have a setting so extreme it burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever want to eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking you for the time, but do not point to their bum when asking you where the bathroom is?

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed when he knows he's gonna look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand up erect while Pluto's always low on all fours? They are both dogs!

What joker's idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil's made from corn and vegetable oil from vegetables, then what's baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Now stop singing and read on......

Do illiterate people get the full benefits of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets angry, yet when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

And, the last one...

How do you make five pounds of fat look sexy?
Aha, I think I can answer that one! Give it a nipple.

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[In honor of Mother's Day this May, Yeats' poem is anagrammed into a another poem that contains 2 relevant acrostics in both its first and last letters]

'Song of the Old Mother' by Yeats

I rise in the dawn, and I kneel and blow
Till the seed of the fire flicker and glow;
And then I must scrub and bake and sweep
Till stars are beginning to blink and peep;
And the young lie long and dream in their bed
Of the matching of ribbons for bosom and head,
And their day goes over in idleness,
And they sigh if the wind but lift a tress:
While I must work because I am old,
And the seed of the fire gets feeble and cold.

The Mother's Gift

Men knew  that  nothing  beats  the gilded gleam
Of  brooks  that babble  and  fine daisies,  too:
No  gift's   believed  to  be   more   brilliant
Than cunning Mother Nature's, when she's through.
How   perfect   a  description   it   would   be
Of  all   the  magic   in   your   able   finger!
For years,  all kindness  and these fonder deeds
Made life  a splendid bliss  and kindly lingered:
As  ebb  and  flow  and  wind   define  the  sea,
Your    hidden   dedication    was    the    key.