The Special Category

Anagrammy Awards > Voting Page - Special Category

An optional explanation about the anagram in green, the subject is in black, the anagram is in red.

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from the musical "Oliver!" by Lionel Bart

Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty four
All we ever get is gru...el!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru...el!
There's not a crust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine

Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we're in the mood --
Cold jelly and custard!
Peas pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --

Food, glorious food!
We're anxious to try it.
Three banquets a day --
Our favorite diet!
Just picture a great big steak --
Fried, roasted or stewed.
Oh, food,
Wonderful food,
Marvelous food
Glorious food!

Food, glorious food!
Don't care what it looks like --
Burned! Underdone! Crude!
Don't care what the cook's like.
Just thinking of growing fat --
Our senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
Full-up feeling!

Food, glorious food!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food,
Magical food,
Wonderful food,
Marvelous food,
Heavenly food,
Beautiful food,
Glorious food!

from "How to Manipulate or Humiliate the Envoys of Innutrition"

Is it worth the queuing for?
Will we live 'til twenty four?
All we'll ever get is!
Will they care what we'll ingest?
Ev'ry day we do request --
Still we get the same old!
There's no option, no little fruit we can eat,
We can chew, we can swallow, or bite!
But there's nothing to hurt us from having a joy
When we all close our mouths, we're delight...ed!

Food, dangerous food!
McDonald's or french fries!
For fam'ly and brood --
KFC wings or thighs!
Suet, blubber, lard in vats!
Not exaggerated,
They got bucketfuls of fats --

Food, dangerous food!
Hamburger with large Coke!
Taco Bell burrito!
Grab a bite, do have a stroke!
Another fritter intake
Never ain't it good!
Yuck, food,
Poisonous food,
Perilous food,
Dangerous food!

Food, dangerous food!
Oily little doughnut,
Cake for a glutton!
Now I'll have a larger gut!
I am a willing stooge!
Now my weight is unwieldy;
I got me a challenge huge --

Food, dangerous food!
More Carl's Jr. calories,
Nutrition got screwed!
Mouthful at Wendy's
I've expelled; I've disgorged,
Vomited and spewed
This food,
Unhealthy food,
Terrible food,
Horrible food,
Obnoxious food,
Injurious food,
Dangerous food!

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That's Amore - Dean Martin

(In Napoli where love is King)
(When boy meets girl)
(Here's what they say)

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big-a pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine
Like you've had too much wine
That's amore

Bells'll ring
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts'll play
Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool
Joost-a like pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreamin', signore
'Scusami, but you see
Back in old Napoli, that's amore

(When the moon hits your eye)
(Like a big-a pizza pie, that's amore)

That's amore

(When the world seems to shine
(Like you've had too much wine, that's amore)

That's amore

(Bells will ring)
(And you'll sing "Vita bella")
(Vita bell-vita bella)
(Hearts will play)
(Tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay)
(Like a gay tarantella)

Lucky fella

When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool
That's amore (that's amore)
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreaming, signore
'Scusami, but you see
Back in old Napoli, that's amore

That's Movember

(In the male world when I see hair on lip)
(And cancer kills)
(Here is how to raise awareness)

When the hair on your lip's
Like a big-a oven chip
That's a mo-a
When you taste once again
The pea soup that you strain
That's a mo-a

Balls may sting
Thing a-tingling
Thing a-tingling
And you'll think "testicular?"
Prostate may
Drippy drip all day
Drippy drip all day
Like a bust water cooler

Guys, I'd see a gee pee
If there's-a blood in your wee,
Urine pain
When you start up a chat
About this an'-a that, bring it up
Thirty days of that fuzz
Stop your shaver from buzzin', signore
As a bloke, it's no joke
it was-a time you awoke, don't ignore, eh?!

Look at me eye to eye
Tee hee hee, do not die, get a mo

(What a mo)

One hairy mop like ZZ Top
I put it, it'll mean you're a penis

(Your 'appiness)

I feel glum, want my mum,
I 'ad only one plum, wear a mo

(A wee mo)

Balls may sting
Thing a-tingling
Thing a-tingling
And you'll think "testicular?"
Prostate may
Leaky-leak all day
Leaky-leak all day
Like a bust water cooler

What a tool, eh?

When a real silly billy with one ball and a willy
Wore a mo (why not, tho)
It will tickle her pink
Save time at the the sink, grow a mo
To survive violent cells
You will have to start selling, awareness
Jump about, shout it out,
Leave no one in doubt with a mo, eh?!

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At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I sighed as she skilfully squeezed and pulled it. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.

Staring at her naked body, I asked what she wanted. She told me to go for something between a smack and a stroke. So I went for a smoke.

As I lay there on the floor, my naked body covered in treacle and whipped cream, I heard those inevitable words . . . 'Clean up on aisle three.'

'Are you ready to be tortured in a way that only a woman can torture a man?' she asked. I nodded nervously. 'OK' she said and ate my chips.

'Hurt me, hurt me!' she begged, leaning expectantly over the table. 'OK,' I replied, 'Your turkey is too dry and your sprouts are overcooked.'

She stood there, trembling in the shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want."
So we went to McDonalds.

I lay back spent, gazing dreamily out the shed window.
Despite all my concerns about my chronic lack of experience, I could see that the rhubarb had come up a treat.

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, icily.
"Hmm, kinky," she purred.
"Well," I said, "we can't be too careful, not with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to purchase all sorts of ropes, chains and shackles.
She is still managing to get into that shed, though.

She wanted to try telephone sex so I pretended to be an IT support guy. I turned her on. Then I turned her off. Then I turned her on again.

They asked me to fully smear their naked bodies with the produce from my herb garden but I just couldn't do it. Too many women, not enough thyme.

"Are you certain you can stand the pain?" she snarled, brandishing the stilettos.
"Well, I think I can," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said... then she showed me the till-receipt.

'Harder!' she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, 'Harder!' 'Alright,' I said, 'What is the gross national product of Nicaragua?'

'I want it now against this wall!' she commanded, 'And keep it up as long as possible.'
'Don't worry,' I said, 'I know full well how to put up a shelf.'

She shook and spasmed as she felt wave after wave zapping through her body. I probably should have told her about that electric fence.

She leant over the kitchen table. 'Oh, smack that bottom,' she squealed, 'Smack it hard!' 'I am,' I said, 'but the darned ketchup just won't come out.'

'What do you think about using toys for extra kicks in the bedroom?' she asked. 'Fine,' I said, 'although I don't know how we're going to get a Scalextric in here.'

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, and up against the wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion that the end of the garden was plainly the correct place for the shed.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I groaned with pleasure. Right, now for the other boot.

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked, "only, when I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Right," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she purred, gently caressing my neck as we listened to her Coldplay CD.

'I am your slave,' she gasped breathlessly, 'Make me feel completely helpless and thoroughly worthless.' So I locked her in the shed and went to the pub.

Her body trembled and shook. 'Hurry, I cannot wait any longer, do it now!' she groaned. 'OK,' I said and got the winter duvet down from the airing cupboard.

'Hurt me!' she groaned, pressing her tense body against the shed wall. 'Alright,' I said. 'You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister.'

'Yes! Stick it right up there,' she urged, 'I want to remember this!' I did so, then tapped it firmly. You can never be too careful with Post-it notes.

My tongue flicked in and out, in and out, faster and faster until she was completely helpless. No woman can resist a good lizard impression.

'I am a very bad girl,' she whispered, 'Punish me in a way only a real man can!' 'Right,' I said and left my wet towels on the bathroom floor.

As we sat in the dark restaurant, she stroked my thigh and said 'I want to see your hardness.' 'OK,' I replied, and punched the waiter.

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sung by
The Four Tops

And when I see the sign that points one way
The lot we used to pass by every day

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

From deep inside the tears
I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain
That I chose to hide

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain burns down upon my
weary eyes
For me it cries

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain burns down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries

Your name and mine inside
A heart on a wall
Still finds a way to haunt me
Though they're so small

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame.


We liked your milky skin, the feline eyes,
The baby-cheeks as plump as apple-pie.

Why did you change Renée?
Your many fans didn't want you to,
That horsey face, the now blank smile are not the same,
It's you we blame.

Why can't you see what you
Perceived as flaws
Were facets of your face
That we all adored?

Look at you now, Renée,
The same as so many other babes,
You think we like you with your brow so smooth 'n' new,
Well it's not true.

Look at you now, Renée,
A wilful woman who lost her way
The mystery's gone and now we think you seem just bland,
Just perma-tanned.

You won't play Bridget Jones,
No, the moment's passed,
You're just like someone from a
'Mamma Mia' cast

Look at the new Renée
A symbol of mediocrity,
Remember when your face had personality?
It's sad to see.

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[In light of the recent health scare, Shakespeare's relevant sonnet is anagrammed into another sonnet which also contains a fitting acrostic]

A Sonnet by William Shakespeare

My love is as a fever longing still,
For that which longer nurseth the disease;
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
The uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now Reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are,
At random from the truth vainly expressed;
For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

On The True Threat Of It

The rants by experts in the media
Have sadly spread this pointless panic here:
Each paper welcomes mass hysteria,
Each grim report promoting hopeless fear.
But every toxic fact that they would fake
Or dark threats that accompany this shrillness
Leave simply pain and weakness in their wake
And harm us more than any viral illness.
Calm down then, my good friend, and make this right,
Resolve this issue with a helping hand;
Instead of being overcome with fright,
Stay positive: together, we are grand.
If people everywhere adopt this stance,
Such horrid traumas shouldn't stand a chance.