#1
901 |
TURNED UP
(AKA "(Mary Ellen At The Church) Turned Up")
By
Herbert Rule & Harry Castling (1924)
(Monologue)
In our little village there has been a tragedy
Deary, deary me, such a terrible tragedy
Mary Ellen Bottomley today should have been wed
It's a good job that she didn't, so everybody said
(CHORUS)
Mary Ellen at the church turned up
Her Mother turned up and her Dad turned up
Her sister Gert and her rich uncle Bert
And the parson in his long white shirt turned up
But no bridegroom with the ring turned up
But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up
Brought a telegram that said, he didn't want to wed
And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up
(Monologue)
The people waiting in the street, they fairly blocked the road
They waited in the road for the money the bridegroom owed
"My heart is broken", cried the bride, so Jim the butcher's son
He rushed into his shop and brought her out another one
(CHORUS)
Mary Ellen at the church turned up
Her Mother turned up and her Dad turned up
Her sister Gert and her rich uncle Bert
And the parson in his long white shirt turned up
But no bridegroom with the ring turned up
But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up
Brought a telegram that said, he didn't want to wed
And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up
(Monologue)
Now when a day had passed, they found the bridegroom hadn't drowned
They went around and found, he was sleeping safe and sound
His bride he should have wed there at the church that afternoon
Said, "There wasn't any wedding, but there'll be a funeral soon!"
(CHORUS)
Mary Ellen at the church turned up
Her Mother turned up and her Dad turned up
Her sister Gert and her rich uncle Bert
And the parson in his long white shirt turned up
But no bridegroom with the ring turned up
But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up
Brought a telegram that said, he didn't want to wed
And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up
|
EVERYBODY AT 'THE MET' TURNED UP (HURRAH! HURRAH! HURRAH)
Harry White
(Monologue)
Christopher Sturdy had an eerie dream that night,
Dearie, dearie me, an eerie dream he had that night
He dreamt he was alone in 'The Met' in Baker St.
He thought he was indeed alone; was he in for a treat!
Then...
(CHORUS)
Larry Brash and David B turned up,
Adie P turned up then Ellie D turned up,
Nedesto, View and charming Dharam too,
And the 'Toast o' the Forum', Rosie P turned up.
Then Mey, the Anagrammy god turned up,
Toby (the mi-se-ra-ble sod) turned up,
He told the others with a sneer, 'I only came here for the beer,'
Then he sat there on his ipod with the sound turned up.
(Monologue)
Chris was decidedly dumbfounded at the sight,
Of the very worthy wordsmiths who'd turned up in there that night.
He cried, "Hi! My heart is whirring, seeing such a nerdy horde,
But has anybody thought to bring along their Scrabble board"?
Then...
(CHORUS)
The late, great Tully, with his friend turned up
Brothers Dan & Don with the Lofts twins turned up,
Richard G arrived and Jesse, he turned up
And the dribbling, dithering, gibbering Tony C (hard up).
James Young, Neil R and Richard B turned up,
Scott, Lusch, Torr, Green and Mayer (Dean) turned up,
Then Deano said to Toby, sittin' whitterin' on his right:
"Hey, there'll be no cross words in the pub tonight!"
(Monologue)
Now throughout the city there was a deafening hubbub
As thirty shoulders rubbed together in the cultured club
The barmaids hurried here and there with wine and beer galore
And the pub's attending number grew from 1 to 2-9-4!
Then...
(CHORUS)
Rick, Brehaut, Will T-P turned up,
Ivan and, hey-ho! Mr Keith turned up,
Paul Pan turned up and Tyler S turned up,
Then Dr Charles, attending with the Winslow boy, turned up,
The late Dan Etter with some p(o)ints turned up,
Then Art Day entered with his hood turned up,
Then the landlord hollered loud to the ever-growing crowd,
"Hey, I need to close the doors - the ruddy pub's full up!"
|