901

[Written out of procrastination while attempting to edit a book]

"Jabberwocky"

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"O, Adjectival Hymn!"

'Twas scribbig, and the brosty wags
Did hafe and hobble in the wobe;
All boshy were the jembabags,
And the mome broths blurbscrobe.

"Beware the Adjective, my son!
The junk uncut, the league of sin!
Beware the jaded theme, and shun
The rhythm saccharin!"

He took his fruitless nib in hand:
Long time he slogged, with whisky fraught—
He faded out of his work devout,
Went totally distraught.

So while he strangely sought vermouth,
The Adjective, with rhyme attached,
Arose, its loathsome phrase uncouth,
All complex and mismatched!

One, two! One, two! It grew and grew,
Meantime a fathom hollowing!
A mammoth cheek, a shabby tweak,
A journey following.

"And did you trim the Adjective?
Knock on that wood, to burst your rage!
Oh flaming day! Thrillah! Thrillay!
Submitted! On the page!"

'Twas scribbig and the brosty wags
Did hafe and hobble in the wobe;
All boshy were the jembabags,
And the mome broths blurbscrobe.

902

Kim Jong Un Trivia: Several hilarious (or sad) facts about the Supreme Leader of North Korea and "Sexiest Man Alive"
(courtesy of "Useless Daily: the facts and trivia newsletter")

* He attended school in Switzerland secretly as "Pak Un."

* His headmistress introduced him to the sixth class as Pak Un from North Korea, and the son of a diplomat.

* Apparently, he was a big zero in his academic studies. He sucked at maths. He never passed any exams and stayed fascinated with basketball and computer games.

* He was once caught with a bondage magazine in his school bag!

* The situation went so bad that his father took him out of the International School of Berne and got him an admission in a state school, where he was placed in a lower grade level.

* He is, to present day, a huge basketball fan.

* At the age of twenty-seven, he allegedly underwent plastic surgery to resemble his grandfather Kim Il Sung.

* At the age of twenty-nine, The Onion newspaper announced him to be the “Sexiest Man Alive” for the year. “With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true.”

* Apparently, nobody knows his true age, and he won’t tell. They say he was born in either nineteen-hundred-eighty-two, -three or -four.

* He has a bad addiction to Swiss cheese. The North Korean government must spend tens of thousands of pounds per year to import the Swiss cheese that he enjoys, while the rest of the country starves.

* When his father died, he made certain that he was grieved wholeheartedly and gets remembered by all of North Korea.

* Allegedly, anyone who balked at a mourning or memorial event was taken away to a labour camp for six months.

* When an assistant chief of the Ministry of the People's Armed Forces attended his father's mourning drunk, the victim was allegedly executed. So rash!

* He oversaw his grieving uncle and aunt executed in a ghastly brutal way. It had been reported the uncle was stripped naked and thrown alive into a cage of ravenous dogs to finish him off. But, that saga didn't stop there. He allegedly retaliated against the aunt by means of a poisoning because she was angry at her husband's execution. I can't even imagine!

* The leader has always cut his own head hair. That shaggy patch is so popular in the militarized country it goes by a name: "Ambitious!"

* It is well known that male students in North Korea are asked, and agree, to mimic his hairstyle.

* Currently, one of his heroes is the snazzy NBA player Dennis Rodman, thanks to a confirmed basketball obsession.

903

JUNE
by Carl Sandburg

Paula is digging and shaping the loam of a salvia,
Scarlet Chinese talker of summer.
Two petals of crabapple blossom blow fallen in Paula's hair,
And fluff of white from a cottonwood.

SINGAPORE

Kim Jong Un can't have bowlfuls of bibimbap at St. Regis Hotel,
Actually a palace for a few and powerful men.
But he's got sad Donald Trump's official ear in Shangri-La,
Proof of how madness calls all.

904

The Cow
A short poem by Ogden Nash

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

Newton
The homage by Rik

Newton is of the divine school;
Hampered hot meets bookish cool.

905

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to compete for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer said to him: 'Okay, Paddy, don't forget all the research we've done on this guy. He's never lost a match because of his 'pretzel' hold. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in that hold! If he does, you've had it.'

Paddy nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the wrestlers circled each other, looking for a probable opening. Suddenly, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A groan of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, knowing all was lost. He couldn't bear to watch the inevitable outcome.

All of a sudden, there was a long, high-pitched scream, followed by a cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eyes just in time to see the Russian go flying up in the air.

On landing, his back hit the mat with a loud thud and Paddy quickly jumped on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was gobsmacked! When he finally got Paddy alone, he asked, 'Okay, how'd you get out of that hold? Nobody has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered: 'Well, I was all ready to give up when he got me in that pretzel, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw a pair of testicles dangling right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so, with my last ounce of strength, I stretched my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed: 'Is that what finished him off?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.'

Two Labradors and a Great Dane were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's. The yellow Labrador turned to the black Labrador, nodded, and said: "Hi, my name is Tiffin. What are you here for?"

The black Labrador replied, "Hi, Tiffin, my name is Drizzle. I'm here 'cos I'm a champion pisser. I piss on everything... the sofa, the cushions, the odd cat, the children. But the final straw was last night when I sprayed hot piss right in the middle of my owner's bed and flooded it. He went totally crazy!"

The yellow Labrador said, "So what is the vet going to do? "

"He is gonna cut my nuts off forthwith," came the despondent reply. "He reckons it might calm me down."

The black Lab turned to the yellow Lab, and asked "So, what are you here for?"

"I'm a digger," announced Tiffin. "I dig under fences, I dig up the flowers and the lawn, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm in the house, I dig up the carpets. But I crossed the line last night when I dug an enormous hole in my owner's favourite couch."

"So what are they gonna do to you?" the black Lab inquired.

"It looks like I'm gonna lose my nuts too," the dejected yellow Lab said.

The black dog then turned to the Great Dane and asked: "What are you here for?"

"Oh, I'm a prize humper," stated the Great Dane. "I will hump anything. I'll hump the cat, the cushions, random kneecaps, fence posts, doors, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.

"Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending over to dry her toes. I couldn't help myself; I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The two Labs exchanged sad glances and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?”

"No," said the Great Dane, "Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

906

[June is LGBT Pride Month, and below is Shakespeare's Sonnet 20 (that is considered by scholars to be his love poem for another man), anagrammed into a 6-part poem about a couple's romantic day, with fitting constraints - Each stanza is based around each color of the LGBT Pride Flag, and bears an acrostic connected to the meaning that was assigned to that specific color in the original 1978 flag: Life (Life), Heal (Healing), Glow (Sunlight), Grow (Nature), Calm (Serenity), and Soul (Spirit).]

Shakespeare's Twentieth Sonnet

A woman's face with nature's own hand painted,
Hast thou, the master mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion:
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue all hues in his controlling,
Which steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

One Happy Day I Spent With You

Lush in its coat of Red
In Summer's dashing morn,
First light that found the bed
Enhanced this lust, reborn.
How good it feels to eat
Each early meal for two;
An orange half, though sweet,
Lacks freshness without you.
Gold beams may shine ablaze
Like one resplendent gem;
On hot noons as today's,
We're prettier than them.
Green meadows spanning miles
Renewed this great domain;
Once in these for a while,
What heart won't leap again?
Come sit beneath these stars
And watch this evening Blue;
Let winds sent from afar
Maintain that peace in you.
Shades rich with violet
Of Summer's setting sun
Unleash this quaint duet.
Life's zen has just begun.