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A man is driving down the road and breaks down while driving by a monastery. He rings the bell and says to the monks who answer, "My car broke down. I'm wondering if I might stay the night." They graciously accept him, give him dinner, and even fix his car. Afterwards, just as the man is going to sleep, he hears this strange noise. The next morning when he gets up, he asks them what the noise was, but they just say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, again feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We're still not going to tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know what it is. If the only way I'm going to find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I get to be a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man sets about his task.
Quite a few years later, he returns to the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for." With that, he correctly tells them how many blades of grass and sand pebbles there are on the earth.
The monks reply, "Right! Congratulations! You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the unusual sound." They lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." But the wooden door is locked.
He says, "Real funny! May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is a rigid door made of stone.
The man demands a key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door behind it made of ruby. He demands a key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of shining sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, "This is the final key to the final door." The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached the end of his trial. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind this door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
I bet you want to know what it is.
Well, pal, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!
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A man walks into a honkytonk one afternoon, and pauses -- at the other end of the hardwood bar, there's a blond man who has a big orange head! He's just sulking there, looking kind of heavyhearted, mooning into his drink. The man asks the bartender, "So, what's with the character with the big orange head?" The bartender motions, "Oh, that kook?! That man, Don by name, has an entertaining story. Offer to buy a whiskey and he'll probably be glad to tell you."
So, the man walks over, approaches the other man, says, "Excuse me," and introduces himself. He offers to buy another round. The man with the big head nods, halfheartedly, "Yeah. So, then I guess you'd like to know my story?" The man comments, "Thanks. I'm very interested, if it's not any trouble."
After a short toast, the chunky orange-headed man takes a shot, and starts his long memoir: "You know, I think I must have told this story fifty-thousand times. As I recall, it's something like this: I'm trekking down the beach one day, when I stub my toe on something hard. I look down at my foot, to see an odd antique brass lamp. I pick it up and dust it off with a handy smooth cloth -- when 'Huh?', out pops a monumental overgrown genie!
"The genie kowtows, 'Hurrah! You have released me from my ten-thousand-year imprisonment in this hot lamp, and I am in debt. I need to grant you three wishes as a token of my extreme gratitude.'
The bar customer is enthralled. "That's marvelous!" he says. And the storyteller with the big orange head continues: "After that, I say, 'Wow, fantastic! Well, my first wish is to be the most wealthy landowner alive.'
"Needless to say, as expected, the genie says, 'Your wish is my command!' Suddenly, I have rings on all my short fingers, a pharoah's crown on my head, a sky-high throne, and a smoky hookah. My wallet is full of money, dozens of ATM cards, and the deed to the highest hotel in New York -- I'm loaded!
"I say, 'Ooh, amazing! Okay, for my next wish, I demand to be the debonair husband to the most beautiful, devoted, and attentive trophy woman in the world.'
"'Oh, right! Your wish is granted!" Then, as the genie speaks, the ocean parts and out walks a beautiful woman in a stylish trendy dress. She holds my hand and we fall in love. The genie hooks us up right then and there. He's an excellent matchmaker, and the honeymoon is incredible!
"However, the genie reverberates, 'You have just one more wish!'"
Then, the tormented man with the big orange head pauses and holds onto his drink. He says, "Wait. You know, that may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head."
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