Original text in yellow, anagram in pink.

A retelling of Mr Daydream by Roger Hargreaves,
in which both letters and pictures have been rearranged.

This is a story about Mr Daydream.
You know what he looks like don't you, because you've seen his picture on the front of this book.
It's also a story about a little boy called Jack.
And you don't know what he looks like, so here's a picture of him.

Now Jack was a very good little boy.
He always ate up all his lunch.
He always went to bed when he was told.
He always said 'Please' and 'Thank you'.
But, Jack was a daydreamer!
Whenever he was supposed to be thinking about something, he found himself thinking about something else.

One day, Jack was at school.
He was sitting at his desk listening to the teacher talking about history.
It was a very warm day and Jack was glad he was sitting at the back of the classroom next to the open window.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw something outside the window on the grass in front of the school.
Something blue!
It was a small, cloud-shaped figure.
Jack couldn't believe his eyes.
The figure looked at Jack looking at him, smiled and waved.

Jack looked at his teacher who was still talking.
Then he got up quietly, ever so quietly, and slipped out of the open window.
He crossed the grass to the strange-looking cloud-shaped figure.
"Hello," he said. "Who are you?"
"I'm Mr Daydream," said the figure. "What's your name?"
"Jack," said Jack.

"I'm going off on an adventure," said Mr Daydream to Jack. "Would you like to come with me?"
"Oh, yes please," replied Jack.
"Very well then," said Mr Daydream and, pitting two fingers in his mouth, he let out the loudest whistle Jack had ever heard in his whole life.

A huge bird swooped down out of the sky and landed beside Jack and Mr Daydream.
"Come on," said Mr Daydream to Jack, and climbed on to the bird's back.
Jack climbed on too. It was a really enormous bird, and there was plenty of room for both of them.
"Hold on," said Mr Daydream.
Jack held on, tight.

The huge bird flapped its huge wings, and suddenly they were high up in the air.
They flew faster and faster over the countryside.
They flew over fields and farms and towns and hills and trees and valleys until they were far far away from Jack's school.
It was very exciting!

Mr Daydream turned to Jack.
"How would you like to go to Africa?" he shouted.
They were travelling so fast now, Jack just nodded his head, and held on even tighter.
And they flew and they flew across the sea.
Suddenly, it seemed in no time at all, there below them was Africa.
The bird landed in a jungle clearing, and Jack and Mr Daydream climbed off the bird's back.
It was very hot!

"Come on," said Mr Daydream to Jack. "Let's go and explore."
So off they set, pushing their way through the jungle.
Suddenly, in the middle of the clearing, they saw an elephant.
"Hello, Mr Daydream," trumpeted the elephant down its trunk. "Would you like a lift?"
"Yes please," replied Mr Daydream, and the elephant reached out his trunk, picked him up and then put him on his back. Then he reached out his trunk again, picked up Jack and put him on his back.
It was very high!

The elephant carried them through the jungle until they came to a river.
Then he set them down on the ground, said goodbye, and went off back into the jungle.
"How are we going to cross the river?" Jack asked Mr Daydream.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance," wheezed a particularly oily voice coming from the river.
They looked, and there was a crocodile.
"Use my back as a bridge," suggested the crocodile.
It was very helpful!

They were half way across the river on the crocodile's back when the crocodile grinned a rather nasty grin - all teeth and no smile.
Then, flicking his enormous tail, and shooting Jack and Mr Daydream up into the air, the crocodile opened his horribly large mouth, and waited.
It was very frightening!

"Oh dear," gasped Jack as he looked down at that enormous mouthful of teeth. "Oh dear. Oh help!"
Mr Daydream, upside down beside him, put two fingers in his mouth and let out that very large whistle of his.
Suddenly, just as the crocodile's mouth was about to go SNAP, the big bird swooped down out of the sky.
Mr Daydream and Jack landed right on the bird's back.
"Whew!" said Jack.
"Bother!" said the crocodile.

"Well I promised you an adventure, didn't I?" grinned Mr Daydream.
"You certainly did," said Jack.
"And now," said Mr Daydream, "I think we will go to Australia."
And they did!
And Jack learned to throw a boomerang so that it always came back to him.

"And now," said Mr Daydream, "I think we will go to the North Pole."
And they did!
And Mr Daydream fell right up to his middle in a snowdrift!

"And now," said Mr Daydream, "I think we will go to the Wild West."
And they did!
And Mr Daydream found a huge, ten-gallon cowboy hat.
The trouble was, when he put it on, he couldn't see out.
"Jack," he called from underneath the hat.

Suddenly Jack realised that it wasn't Mr Daydream saying his name.
It was his teacher.
And Jack wasn't in the Wild West.
He was sitting at his school desk.
"Jack," said the teacher again. "You've been daydreaming!"
It was true.
He had.
But do you know something?


Daydreaming is more fun than history!




This is a tale about Jack a decade later when he was in his late teens.
Do you remember Jack?
He was the kid with the head which looked like a potato coated with melted butter.

Now Jack's dress sense had not improved in the years since his childhood, and he had yet to grow any shoulders. But he was still cute as a button and loved nothing more than to stand in a completely empty room making the letter 'A' in semaphore.

One afternoon Jack was out taking a walk through a secluded park near his house, when suddenly a bizarre but somehow familiar figure started to rise out of the ground right in front of him.

It was Mr Daydream again!
"Hello, Mr Daydream!" said Jack with a big grin.
Mr Daydream smiled and wolf-whistled Jack lewdly. "Hello there, stud!" he cooed.
Jack was quite taken aback at this wanton display. "What the...?!" he said.
"Oh, come now!" said Mr Daydream. "Don't choose to deny your true nature, Jack."
"Hold on, what the hell are you talking about?" asked Jack.

Mr Daydream sidled towards Jack suggestively and rubbed his soft, sponge-like abdomen against Jack's hand. "Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about, Jack. I'm your subconscious gay side!"
"WHAT?" cried Jack, retreating swiftly from the fat blue cloud-shape.
"That's right, Jack. You're gayer than an Enid Blyton character. And I'm your secret inner queer," declared Mr Daydream.
"Is that why you look like a colossal blue prolapsed haemorrhoid?" Jack chuckled.
Mr Daydream sighed, "Well thanks, you've just gone and wrecked it now."

"Seriously, Jack, I'm not kidding. Don't you recall the first time we met?" said Mr Daydream.
He went on. "I had to tone it down since you were a kid, but surely you picked up at least some of the subtext. Heck, I dropped enough hints! For instance, how about that bird we rode on?"
"Well, what about it?" asked Jack.
Mr Daydream chuckled wickedly. "Didn't you ever wonder about the significance of riding around all day on a gigantic pecker?"

Jack sighed. "Please go away," he said awkwardly, "I'm not like that, honest." Although even as he said those words, a nagging thought reminded him of the weird fantasies he'd recently had which involved Nigel Hawthorne. At the time he'd dismissed them as LSD-fuelled hallucinations, but perhaps...
No! thought Jack. He had to be firm and stop this homoerotic nonsense right away. "Sod the hell off, Daydream, I've got a girlfriend and we're very happy together," snapped the irate Jack.
"You've got a WHAT?" cried Mr Daydream. "Oh good God, the poor kid's deeper in denial than I'd thought. Jack, you have GOT to ditch that bitch at once!!!"
Mr Daydream's outburst ruffled Jack. "What's so wrong with having a girlfriend?" he snapped back.
"I'll tell you what's so wrong!" howled Mr Daydream.

"Vaginas are lethal! They have teeth and they bite people!"

"They'll swallow you whole and you'll never be seen again!" Mr Daydream shuddered.
Jack was shocked. "Honest to God, I never suspected," he said softly. "Are you serious?"
"Deadly serious, Jack," answered Mr Daydream.

Jack swallowed hard. "Well," he hesitantly conceded, "I'll confess I am kind of curious about all that..."
"That's the spirit," said Mr Daydream.
"...and I suppose if I'm wholly honest with myself, I wouldn't say no."
"Are you sure, Jack?" said Mr Daydream gently.
"Yes," said Jack, no longer able to resist the temptation.
"Then follow me," said Mr Daydream.
And with that Mr Daydream and Jack went down to the deepest woods where no-one would ever find them...

...and did what came naturally.

They tried heaps of fun positions...

...and used all kinds of cool sex-toys...

...until both of them could do nothing but lie puffing on the ground together, shagged.

"Wow!" said the sweaty Jack, when he'd recovered enough. "I never knew how fulfilling it could be to give in to my inward desires. Thanks so much for being such a sensitive lover and showing me the path to happiness."
Mr Daydream just grinned broadly.
"And cheers for the wise warning about avoiding chicks, too. I will definitely keep well away from them now," Jack continued.
"Happy to have helped, Jack," said Mr Daydream.

By now Jack was feeling downright frisky again. He said, "Fancy a bit more...?"
"Sorry, Jack," said Mr Daydream. "I have to go now, it's nearly the end of the book."
"Goodbye then, Mr Daydream," said Jack. "And thanks."
"Cheerio, Jack," said Mr Daydream, saluting. "Sieg Heil!"

Just then Jack woke up and realised that it had all been a dream. While he was initially shaken, when he was fully awake Jack came to the conclusion that there was something worthwhile to be learned from it, and he decided there and then to embrace his hitherto inhibited homosexuality.
In that instant Jack felt as though a huge weight had fallen from his (puny) shoulders: he no longer still wished to deny who he was. What's more, he deduced that he'd subconsciously chosen to wear flannelette pyjamas to try to dissuade his girlfriend from going to bed with him.

And in no time at all Jack found himself the most wonderfully-endowed boyfriend, and they both lived happily ever after.