Anagrammy Winners by Richard Grantham in 2000
All the winning anagrams by Richard Grantham from the 2000 Anagrammy Awards.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, January 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Try IT NOW, IT's Free and it Really does WORK
The makers of Thin & Slim Naturally are so confident that
it will work for you that they will give you a FREE 30 day supply
just for visiting their website: Thin & Slim Naturally suppresses
appetite, boosts energy levels, and burns off unwanted white fat
cells. Thin & Slim Naturally is the best product available
for safe, simple and effective natural weight loss. But don't
take our word for it, try it yourself for a full month... FREE!!
=
Do you feel yourself to be very fat? Doesn't matter whether
you are - I don't care whether you're vast, bulimic or weigh ten
kilograms, I simply want to rip you off fast with this nutty (but
trendy) new water-free diet:
First of all I'll kill, fry up & serve (on buns) any birds,
beasts, rats, insects & pet turtles I find around.
Then for dessert I'll jerk off in a tall glass (until full), pass
it over & call it a Low-Fat, High-Protein Shake. (Smells fine!)
After that, you pay up ($30) and vomit lots. We all win!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2000:
eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Love
is too young to know what conscience is
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
There was once a Princess who was searching for a Prince so that
she may fall deeply in love She came upon a swamp where she saw
a Frog. She felt a strange attraction for this creature. She cradled
the Frog in her hand, then she kissed him. At once there was a
huge flash of bright white light and the frog disappeared....
only to turn into a Prince!
She loved him at first sight.... and he loved her back...Yum Yum, Yum :) He thrusts forward sweeping her off his feet. They embrace passionately. Then they pause. She suddenly pushes him back and grabs the centre of her dress with both hands, and immediately forces open her dress, It splits down the middle instantly revealing the most beautiful manifestation of the female flesh: thirty-six pounds of firm tasty mouth watering flesh! He moves towards her, lifts her dress and .................
CLICK HERE
PLEASE FORWARD
=
Once upon a time, a pure, shy, innocent little girl was out in the woods collecting her hallucinogenic mushrooms when she came upon this small heap of spam in a marsh. It was an advertisement for a free sex site, and fetid and rotten beneath the surface, but since it was cleverly disguised as this sweet, shy, 'happily ever after' story and looked pretty, she passionately clicked it without further thought.
If only she hadn't... Within seconds she was transported to the far-off, harsh Wicked Kingdom of the Lewd where she was forced to boff everything in sight - sheer ugly fat people, her ferret, hams, trams, cheesy shop dummies, her dead rabbit, her heifer, an eel, a lamp post, farmhands' festering Wellingtons, flagstaffs, dumpsters, the Army, her heels, her arse, her father...
She had a harsh chafe-rash by midnight and she was dead from VD by three.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
America's Secret Police
Harassment groups in the United States have obtained advanced surveillance equipment and non-lethal weapons. These groups do illegal surveillance of the person they target and then attack that person with non-lethal weapons.
Men, women, and children with mental conditions are primary targets for these groups but a person's past history, current behavior, race, and sexual orientation could also qualify them as a target. Please read about these groups at the URL listed below. Nothing is for sale. If you have trouble accessing the web site please email me. Sorry if you receive this message more than once.
URL: http://ourworld.cs.com/soundweapon/
Thank you, soundweapon@cs.com
=
U.S.A. PARANOIACS' CREED
We believe that you are all out to get us.
We believe God has granted us the right to possess quick-load automatic firearms and shoot proper cyanide-laden armour-piercing bullets as part of normal life.
We believe in Roswell and the total documentary truth of The X-Files; that nasty communists are under the bed; Democrats are a tool of Satan; the U.N. controls the puppet U.S. Congress and that President Clinton's an alien with three million squashy penises; the Net's a CIA plot, as were Vietnam, Lee Harvey Oswald, the men on the Moon, women's rights, Waco, 'race hate', Princess Diana, AOL, nuns, photocopiers...
We believe only God's help (or perhaps carrying a huge gun) can save us.
nutters@bunker.com
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Lucy in
the Sky with Diamonds
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2000:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
The
Night Dances
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Isn't
it awfully nice to have a penis!
SPAM CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
These girls are barely legal. =
The "girls" are really beagles.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Looking for some hot young girls? Look no further. We have the
freshest, youngest girls available. These girls are barely legal.
This is the site you have been hearing about. We are the best
rated adult site on the net!
Unsensored pics, live Cams, plus chat rooms where you can talk
to our girls live! Don't wait, Get your full access trial today!!
http://3489887226/jm1/
To be removed email us at nothanks@mailandnews.com
=
Want to see hot pensioners? Seek no further. We have the hottest,
raunchiest grandmas available. All of these babes are over seventy
but they still like to 69!
Watch lewd octogenarian sluts shagging, live! Try our lurid 431-shot
gallery of "Grans With Glans"!
Stick in your false teeth, get some edible Depends, take a valium
(or your lithium) then join us @ "The Coma Roamer"
(oedipusrules.com/82-72-88/oralcolostomybag)
LONG CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
My
mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
William Shakespeare =
I'll make a wise phrase.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Quarter Pounders with Cheese =
It's queer how the crap endures.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Raindrops
on roses and whiskers on kittens
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The actor Douglas Fairbanks dies =
A big star had fucked a lot o' sirens.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the
sand?
Yes and how many times must the cannon balls fly before they're
forever banned?
=
The answer, my friend, is... ten. Maybe eleven. Honest.
What, seems too damn small? Or do you maybe wanna have a naff,
touchy-feely sham answer, "man"? "Blowin' in the
wind" or some pure sadarse lefty bollocks? Hah!
Dumbass.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Soldier
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Ethiopian war ceasefire =
A wish of peace in Eritrea.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, June 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
We are seeking Motivated individuals for National expansion.
Do you have AT LEAST 10 hours a week to devote to a new venture?
Work with some of Americas top entrepreneurs.
Start your own business now!
Turn-key system with multiple support partners.
Distribute a product that everyone needs while working part-time or full-time from home.
SOME INVESTMENT IS REQUIRED, however Start up funding is available.
If you are AT LEAST 18 years old, a U.S. resident and are CERTAIN you are ready for a new challenge in your life....
CLICK THE LINK BELOW, enter your information at our Website and we will contact you with complete details.
=
SONNET FROM DEBAUCHER GUY
(Writer: E. Barrett Browneye III)
How do we hate spam? Let me count the ways:
We loathe it like a vicious dose of clap;
Like Amway; searing coffee in your lap;
Or rat dung in our pot of mayonnaise.
'Tis like a pungent elevator fart,
A mound of mucous sputum in a street,
Or earwax painfully removed complete
While someone yodels "Achy Breaky Heart".
'Tis ever trite and rotten, never new
(No, twatlike runts prefer old crud instead);
How like an invitation to a view
Inside an arse possessed by Mister Ed.
Our anti-runt war's ruthless, 'tis quite true:
We've learnt to love it truly - when 'tis dead.
SPAM: KILL IT NOW - OR RUN!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2000:
eq.1st - Richard Grantham with:
"Bugsy" Malone =
Mean, ugly S.O.B.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Psalm
51, Miserere mei
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Billions are to be paid out to the victims of lung and throat cancer =
Liable to ruin the five tobacco drug companies that lost? No, darn it!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, July 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
---DIRECTIONS---FOR HOW TO POST TO NEWSGROUPS---
LONG CATEGORY, July 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
ANAGRAMS
Sleep Deprivation
The Task
Our experiment was tested before Sleep Deprivation and after.
Our test involved anagrams. There were 10 anagrams each 4 letters
long that the subjects had to solve. The subjects were given one
anagram and one plain sheet of paper at a time.
Once the anagram and paper were given to the subject, they had
a maximum of 30 seconds to complete each anagram.
If the anagram was completed within the 30 second time limit,
the time was recorded in a table. If the anagram was not completed
in the 30 second time limit, not solved was written in the table.
This was treated as 30 seconds. The average time taken for each
subject before and after sleep deprivation was recorded.
The Result
The average time taken to solve the anagrams was 7.26 seconds
before sleep deprivation and 6.5 seconds after. This difference
is not significant.
Research conducted by Leanne Day, Julia Scott and Laura Hughes.
=
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
Anagrams
The Stated Aim
An experiment was devised to investigate a potential correlation
between the compulsive creation of new anagrams and utter chronic
sleep deprivation.
A subject gave himself three new 300-360 letter rude spamagrams
to start and complete each night for fifteen weeks. Every second
night he also had an estimated three to five hours of fantastic
heated sex. We came and recorded the precise sleeping patterns
in fine detail.
A control was given a nice sedate massage and a sweet romance
novel, and made to lie down and get some sleep.
The Stated Result
The average (mean) time of the subject nodding off was 10:02 pm
before these anagrams, 4:37 am after.
It is conceivable that this 6:35 adjournment could perhaps in
part be attributable to anagrams. The subject, alas, doesn't see
it like that.
Research conducted by Richard James Grantham and several others who know who they are.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Israeli general, Moshe Dayan =
Hail, great hairless one-eyed man!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at
the University of Copenhagen:
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"Have a nice huge piece of string tied onto the end of the barometer, and lower it down from the skyscraper roof out to the ground. The true length of the bit of string plus barometer too now equals the exact true height of given skyscraper. (Nice and simple to attain, I'd admit.)" |
|
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: |
= |
The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel Prize for Physics.
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2000:
eq.1st - Richard Grantham with:
Large breasts =
Great, braless.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Guys, does the size of your penis concern you?
Maybe you would be happier with an extra inch or two?
Would your partner be happier if you were bigger and thicker?
Are there always too many reasons not to make love any more?
Penis enlargement need not be an expensive or painful operation.
To learn more about our natural system, and read what other happy (and now more well endowed) clients have to say.
Follow this link now!!!
http://www.savecash.i12.com/penis-enlargement.htm
(this is not a vacuum system!)
Cheers
Richard Brooks
=
Women, do you worry about your clitoris?
Perhaps a larger one would please you more?
Now you can have the clitoris that you always dreamed about! Penis envy's a thing of the past after our revolutionary new program, which extends a clit by 1, 2, even a dozen or more inches!
No more excuses from inept men that are unable to find yours properly. No more wet hands when wanking. Visit today - be packing a watermelon in your pants in mere weeks! (Some talc on the knees and hips helps here.)
www.hermaphrodites.net/anabolic-tablets
LONG CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Shall
I compare thee to a summer's day?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy =
O, it's a lovely thick novel!
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
And with a blend of these four indivisible elements -
EARTH, both divine and life-fill'd, to imbue newnesses;
AIR's blow, undefined, not visible, that enmeshed life;
WATER, seem'd libation behind the fund of liveliness;
Blessed FIRE of the divine, now bated, still inhumane -
He made this oft-unbelievable world's infinite ends.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Genesis
1:1 - 2:3
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2000:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Stillborn
LONG CATEGORY, September 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Preamble
to the United States Constitution
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2000:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The
song used in the film "Watership Down".
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
My White Cotton Panties are Rolled Down Over My Firm Tan Thighs!
And My Knees are Up Over My Head!!
Guess What You Can See?
=
Wow! I Can See Them - A Warty, Runny Minge, One Of Your Dodgy
Herpetic Vulva Sores, And The Stinky Arsehole That Spammed Me!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, October 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
From: mem39@lycos.com
Subject: Get yourself out of debt
Have you considered all of the options available to you when needing that extra money or looking for savings on your current home loan. We can help you do both. Some of you are probably looking for extra money for things such as debt consolidation, home improvement, big purchases, business startups, or additional financing while others want to save on there current home loans with refinancing or even the best of both worlds refinancing with cash out to do with as you please. Let us offer you a free quote and see what we can do for you. You are under no obligation and the quote is free. We have helped finance millions of dollars worth of loans and want to make you our next loan. Click below for your free loan quote!!
http://mem3.pokeadot.com/loans.htm
To be removed or to go straight to our form click below
http://mem3.pokeadot.com/loans.htm
=
SPAMMERWOCKY
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Spammerwock, our son!
Foul cons that fool, queer lures that catch!
Beware conniving cunts, and shun
'Fun Fifteen-Year-Old Snatch'!"
O, I took yon mouse from off our floor,
Then took off to hunt our foe one noon;
Poor moi! Too fearful in my core -
No man, I felt a loon.
Until out of an Inbox, one appear'd -
One Spammerwock, to foully vex:
Offensive on the eye, it near'd,
Now roaring "Live Free Sex!!!!!"
At once I wrote one stroppy note
Concerning those quite horrid cunts
To 'abuse @ pokeadot dot com',
Who snuffed it out at once.
"O, hast thou slain the Spammerwock?
Hooray, O conqueror! Such clout!
O frabjous day! Callooooh! Callay!"
All people soon did shout.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Arsehole
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
If all the veins in my body were laid end-to-end, ~
then damn soon I will very definitely be dead!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Here are the 4 easy steps to success:
STEP 1: Get 6 separate pieces of paper and write the following on each piece of paper "PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST." Now get 6 US $1 bills and place ONE inside EACH of the 6 pieces of paper so the bill will not be seen through the envelope (to prevent thievery). Next, place one paper in each of the 6 envelopes and seal them. You should now have 6 sealed envelopes, each with a piece of paper stating the above phrase, your name and address, and a $1 bill. What you are doing is creating a service. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY LEGAL! You are requesting a legitimate service and you are paying for it!
Like most of us I was a little skeptical and a little worried about the legal aspects of it all. So I checked it out with the U.S. Post Office (1-800-725-2161) and they confirmed that it is indeed legal. Mail the 6 envelopes to the following addresses:
#1) Jon Nagy
710 N.E.3rd Ave.
Delray Beach, FL 33444
#2) J. Drescher
P.O. Box 731
Hawley, Pa. 18428
#3) Aaron Roth
7718 Cambridge Court
Crestwood, Ky 40014
#4) Sathish Kumar S
8210 Gorman Avenue
Laurel, MD - 20707
#5) Wyatt LeClair
24119 W. Del Monte Dr.
Valencia, CA 91355
#6) Ernesto Rodriguez
503 Jon Ct.
Diamond Bar, Ca 91765
STEP 2: Now take the #1 name off the list that you see above, move the other names up (6 becomes 5, 5 becomes 4, etc...) and add YOUR Name as number 6 on the list.
STEP 3: Copy and paste this article to a word document and change anything you need to, but try to keep this article as close to original as possible. Now, post your amended article to at least 200 newsgroups. (I think there are close to 24,000 groups) All you need is 200, but remember, the more you post, the more money you make! You won't get very much unless you post like crazy.
This is perfectly legal! If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18 Sec. 1302 and 1341 of the Postal lottery laws. Keep a copy of these steps for yourself and, whenever you need money, you can use it again, and again. PLEASE REMEMBER that this program remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the participants and by their carefully adhering to the directions. Look at it this way. If you are of integrity, the program will continue and the money that so many others have received will come your way.
=
Guys, are you concerned by the size of your old feller?
Feel you maybe need a little more endowment? Eager for 1, 2, even 4 more inches?
Help is on its way! Here are the 4 easy steps you need to get the mega-willy you've always wanted! Believe me, the plan really works - I myself gained 3.6666666667 inches, and you can too!
STEP 1: Carefully clean your cock with pure water and aloe vera soap, ensuring each cranny is completely free from every trace of smegma. Bathe it in tea tree oil and give it a final rinse, before gently patting the surface dry. Then chop off the useless frigging piece of meat.
STEP 2: Seal your tiny old doodah in plastic, place it in a thick envelope then mail it to the #1 name from the address list you see below:
#1) Fred Salerno
478 E 31st Street
San Francisco CA 94114
USA
#2) J.W. Bobbitt
10573 Machete Avenue
Beverly Hills CA 90210
USA
#3) Ed Windsor
c/o Round the back of Buck House
London SW1
Great Britain
#4) Larry Brash
P.O. BOX 312
The Junction NSW 2291
Australia
#5) Amélie Mauresmo
6275, rue Sappho 75010 Paris
France
By the way, I called the Post Office (1-800-725-2161) and they established that it is indeed perfectly legal to post recently detached penises, as long as they've been properly wrapped. So as you see there's no need to stress yourself on this matter.
STEP 3: Move the names up a step. Drop name #1, append yours at the #5 level instead, and then post the message to at least 23,000 newsgroups (there are 24,000-plus). Any ought to do, but I suggest you ought to keep away from alt.personals.herpes.
I did all of this a while ago. To my amazement, inside ten weeks I received 1,088,037,580,134,481,114,307.5 cocks by mail - exactly 4 of which were larger than my old pee-pee.
STEP 4: Now call upon a capable micro-surgeon to attach the prick you've selected. If your specialist is unfamiliar with the operation, make sure to tell him to pay special attention to the dorsal vein and positioning the corpus cavernosa, and that the urethra needs particular care too. Alternatively, a quick round with a stapler ought to do the job.
That's all! So come on, what have you got to lose? I'm a changed man now, due to this scheme, and I promise it can help you too. I hope you're going to decide to give it a go.
David Bourke
LONG CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The
Soldier
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
What shall we do with the drunken sailor? =
We'll rush in, soak the old hand with water.
Rare old wino? We think we'd lash that lush!
Swill, hah? OK, hold that swine underwater!
O, we rut that dill so hard when he walks in!
We'll shit on that wanker's head. (How lurid!)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2000:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Part of the original press release
for the Teletubbies from March 1997
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
An elderly Palm Beach citizen,
I leer at my bingo card:
To play it's rather easy, uh?
But *voting* there's too hard!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, December 2000:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
On the
Twelfth day of Christmas
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2000:
eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Two carols made into anagrams of each other, followed
by four-part choral arrangements of each that are also anagrams.
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