Anagrammy Winners by Meyran Kraus in 2002
All the winning anagrams by Meyran Kraus from the 2002 Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A carton of cigarettes =
I got a taste for cancer.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Prince Harry Admits He Smoked Pot Regularly =
Royal drug-party is held? Man, the empire rocks!
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
You look rather nice in that dress =
(Or: "Thank you, Lord! I can see her tits!")
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Douglas Malloch: Be The Best
of Whatever You Are
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The children's story of The Sleeping Beauty =
By a touch of these lips, I gently end her rest.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Osama bin Laden =
Some DNA in a lab.
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Tight Blouse =
Oh, tits bulge!
SPAM CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
You could tell Lori was proud of her body and she took care of
it. From her wavy blond hair that feathered lightly in the
breeze to her long and beautiful legs that drew appreciative glances.
She was happy with the way she looked. She was proud of her flat
stomach and firm breasts. Her nipples were large and she loved
how they drew a man's attention when they poked through her blouse.
Or in this case, her bikini top.
Lying in the hot sun, she worked a little more sunscreen into her nicely tanned shoulder and turned up her radio.
Lori was alone that day. Actually, she wasn't planning to be. Two days prior, she had broken up with her boyfriend over a petty thing. She knew that they'd probably work it out but she understood that they needed this time apart now. So she came to the beach anyway, not expecting anything.
She laid back on her towel, wishing that she and her boyfriend were there together, his arms around her, putting lotion on her skin. Her hands gently caressed her tummy and she suddenly realized that she was hornier than she thought.
Click here to read the rest of this naughty erotic story...
=
The noble prince halted. There, frozen on a marble plate, was the princess, achingly pretty. He puckered up, knelt down and...
"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" shouted the enraged woman.
"The legend, your Highness... woken by a light kiss on the lips -"
"Not THOSE lips, pervert!" the beauty answered. "Oh, dear god. They're all the same."
"Ah, I -"
"You think I don't read the fable-studies? How Little Red Riding Hood secretly longed for a rough badass to lurk in the shadows? But nobody was interested to learn why the wolf had to dress in *drag*. Not to mention the wanker with the shoe-fitting fetish. A closet-case, no doubt."
"Eh... er...," voiced the prince, the bulge in his pants replaced by a lump in his throat.
"Think the real Rapunzel threw her braids down for someone to climb UP? She shaved her head and used her hair to climb DOWN the tower. Why do you think she grew it - What's your name, baby?"
"Ah, Thor."
"Yeah, right. What's your REAL name?"
"Harry," the prince stated shyly.
"Aha. Have to french a stiff's twat to get a sexual rush, Harry?"
"Ah, no... so sorry," the prince uttered and ran away.
"Thanks for nothing," said the princess wearily. "Rotten necrophile."
LONG CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Colors
SPAM CATEGORY, March 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Amish are known worldwide for their simple lifestyle and their
quality workmanship. Amish Loom Works combines these two qualities
together in the "Original Amish Loom™".
The Amish Loom™ is a unique, handmade, easy to use product made of Northern Michigan native hardwoods--Mountain Ash with Hickory twig handles and Hickory pegs. It is designed to create high quality sweaters, scarves, throws, rugs and other hand-made products.
The Amish Loom™ is a hand craft folk art that enables knitters, beginners, hobbyists, professional weavers and textile designers to do many type of traditional off-loom weaving and knitting with greater accuracy and simplicity than ever before. The Amish Loom™ makes it possible for even the most experienced weaver/knitter, or someone with no handicraft experience and no particular manual dexterity, to make beautiful, stylish clothes and decorative accessories. It is fast and easy to design your own pieces, and patterns. It is easy to size garments, and it is easy to learn a basic collection of various stitches quickly.
=
Lord's blessing, my child. I'm Sister Mary Mcbaine and I'm quite ready to sit on your hard cock.
Indeed, after a lifetime of harmless piety, we understand now that the only way to appeal to millions is through raw, sacral sex. Oh no, it's not sick sarcasm or a cynical gimmick; We're really tight on cash.
The New Catholic Church invites you to the pretty Baroque monasteries for a feast of holiness, redemption and erotic massages. Come violate the professed sisters and go straight to heaven! Hump timid, hesitant virgins with silk-like skin or passionate novices who took a vow of tenacity! Find out why it's called the 'missionary' position! Ask for the anointment-and-bondage mix to maximize and quicken the orgasm! We even got a night of paradise for women with the Latin-Tongue Class and some dirty, wild-spirited fun with the Big Hermit.
You can also buy the special illustrated edition of the Perversions Creed, or rent quality X-rated tapes like 'Altar Slave Three', 'Bitches on Quakers' and 'A Firm Ass in Mass'!
Remember, God has created the woman naked and moist... as are we, under the habits.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2002:
eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Pink: Get The Party Started
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2002:
eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Oxford English Dictionary =
I find thy lexicon's rather good.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2002:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Beatles:
Across the Universe
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2002:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Faintheartedness =
Sensed fear in that.
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mean doings ~
in God's name.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2002:
eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Actress Pamela Anderson =
Neat rear, and chest's so ample!
LONG CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
(This e-mail was distributed on the internet after the September
Eleven events)
My family owns an ambulance service in Brooklyn NY. Midwood Ambulance if anyone knows it. Anyway, my uncles were at "Ground Zero" during the attack to help the victims. They donated their time to help with this crisis as many New Yorkers did. A great deal of people were in shock from the devastation. As many of you know, shock victims are supposed to drink a lot of water. My uncle went to the Starbucks down the street to get bottles of water for the victims he was treating. Can you believe they actually charged him for it!! He paid the $130 for 3 cases of bottled water out of his own pocket. Now, I would think that in a crisis such as this, vendors in the area would be more than happy to lend a little help by donating water. Well, not Starbucks! As if this country hasn't given them enough money! Anyway, the point of this story wasn't to glorify my uncle's actions but to suggest a boycott on Starbucks. Now, I love Frappaccinos as much as anyone, but any company that would try to make a profit off of a crisis like this doesn't deserve the American public's hard earned money. Please forward this e-mail to any one you know and encourage them to do the same.
Thank you!
=
(This signed letter was sent to 'The Papacy')
Kind and Loving Pope,
I'm a Roman Catholic Altar Boy from a Southern Catholic town.
Well, for starters, I'm a great fan, and you have my everlasting
love, but love doesn't cut it for me ever since last April. No
offence, but the new priest you sent here is total crap.
My friend Wayne got two bucks from him. I saw it! He put Wayne's
hands in his own front pockets and trembled or whatever...
*Two bucks*! I never got so much as a *cent*!
Two days later Wayne told me the priest bought him a toy Action
Truck for another little round. God Almighty, I want nice toys
too! I saw a kickass bunny yesterday but mom says it costs a lot
so we can't buy it.
Then I asked the priest if I can get a new toy too, and he said
my hands were unclean! Okay, so I'm often sick with the flu; My
nose's sort of runny and *once in a while* I wipe it with the
back of my hand. So what? Is sneezing a reason to blow me off?
That's plain cruel.
Now I know he likes touching my butt after hymns, and the other
day he offered me to 'kneel and devour his potency' (whatever
that meant), but I prefer the pocket-game and a toy. So could
you please teach our priest to behave? Thanks in advance.
Yours truly,
Tommy Mendes
P.S. Holy wine is cool, but 'Body of Christ' tastes like diarrhea.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Chairman Gates =
Mega-rich Satan.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Oscar Wilde's 'Madonna Mia', anagrammed into a paraphrase which is also
an acrostic on the author's name. Also, reading down the second-last words of each line reveals a fitting quote (also by Wilde).
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Oscar Wilde's 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' =
Face in scary portrait grew old, hideous.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
WorldCom, The Latest in Giant-Scale Fraud =
False accounting did harm to Wall Street.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Weird Workplaces
Perth, Australia, brothel owner Mary-Anne Kenworthy closed down for a day on April 30 because the influx of 5,500 U.S. Navy personnel on shore leave had left her workforce worn out. "We're the biggest and the best," she said, "(and) I'd rather take nothing than offer a poor service." She added, "I just wish they could dribble-feed the Yanks in, fly a thousand (in) at a time." (The Bremerton (Wash.) Sun carried a wire-service version of this story but later apologized for it to its readers since many Navy families in the Bremerton-Seattle area apparently did not appreciate learning this news.) [The Mercury (Hobart, Australia), 5-3-02; The Age (Melbourne), 5-2-02]
=
Even Weirder Workplaces
A source reported yesterday that all of the presidential personnel
had asked for an early retirement, describing their job as 'inhumane'.
Not long ago, the staff secretary was rumored to 'weep like a
baby' when the president asked if 'Arab' can be a verb, too. Recently,
Bush had to spend hours with a trainer to properly say "Every
little bit of effort counts", after a sad incident of mispronouncing
'war', 'terror' and 'USA' in his State of the Union address. His
whim to raise morale by hiding fake vomit all over the White House
drew no laughs.
"Um, anyone still have anthrax?", a crazed intern was
cited; "Hell, anywhere but here."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
9 Rooms - A Paradoxical Poem
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Could we keep the relationship open? =
(OK, I can sleep nude with other people!)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
An
Enigma, by Edgar Allan Poe
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2002:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
William
Shakespeare: Sonnet XIV
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Bond Girls =
Blondes, right?
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
President Saddam Hussein =
Pinhead resists US demand.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2002:
eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Department of Motor Vehicles =
Led to the improvement of cars.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Augustus
Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
INCREASE THAT CERTAIN PART OF THE MALE BODY BY 27% WITH A SIMPLE PILL. - GUARANTEED - FDA APPROVED - The same type of research that created miracle drugs like Viagra, has now created a revolutionary herbal pill that can increase that certain part of the male body by 27% in a few short weeks by simple taking two capsules of Extenze a day, no prescription required.
Over a million and half capsules are being taken every month by men all over the world. This number increases every day as more and more men discover this revolutionary product. Simply try these Amazing pills for 30-days and if after 30-days you do not experience a minimum of 27% gain, simply send the empty bottle back to us and we'll refund you 100% of the cost including shipping. With this guarantee, our product must work for you... or we'll lose money on every sale! This amazing new product works by simply taking 2 pills every day.
OUR UNCONDITIONAL GUARANTEE:
Simply try it for 30-days and if after 30-days you do not experience a minimum of 27% gain, simply send the empty bottle back to us and we'll refund you 100% of the cost including shipping. With our guarantee, our product must work for you... or we'll lose money on every sale!
=
Top sixteen ways that might make your teensy-weensy prick look larger:
16. Sneak a full, wide-rimmed water bottle into a men's-room stall. Close the door. Wait for a 'crowd' to pass by and empty it loudly down the toilet. Unzip and step out, proudly.
15. Embed bits of magnifying glass in strategic places on your shower-door. Yell to your friend you need a towel.
14. Find a small plunger and apply to your loins. Pump them for several minutes a day.
13. Spread rumors by whining to your buddy about itchy, binding underwear.
12. Say a prayer for a huge weiner. If praying won't do, demand reparation from the reverend.
11. The ol' 'Cucumber in the Hidden Pocket' never fails.
10. ...And for a limper version, try a pickle.
9. Take a vacuum cleaner. Squirm that tiny prick into the hose. Plug in cleaner.
8. Shave off your pubes. Duh.
7. Go find a decent mohel. Ask for the Extra Value Circumcision.
6. Show an interest in floppy, virile implants.
5. Pay a visit to a gypsy. Buy magic XL contraceptives.
4. Start a diet, but only in your pelvic area. If the background seems undersized, then by comparison...
3. Decrease the size of your testicles.
2. Slay every male anagrammer on the face of the earth.
1. Only date women with really small palms.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
(An excerpt from a speech made by Bush on October the 7th:)
By its past and present actions, by its technological capabilities, by the merciless nature of its regime, Iraq is unique. As a former chief weapons inspector of the U.N. has said, "The fundamental problem with Iraq remains the nature of the regime, itself. Saddam Hussein is a homicidal dictator who is addicted to weapons of mass destruction." Some ask how urgent this danger is to America and the world. The danger is already significant, and it only grows worse with time. If we know Saddam Hussein has dangerous weapons today -- and we do -- does it make any sense for the world to wait to confront him as he grows even stronger and develops even more dangerous weapons? In 1995, after several years of deceit by the Iraqi regime, the head of Iraq's military industries defected. It was then that the regime was forced to admit that it had produced more than 30,000 liters of anthrax and other deadly biological agents. The inspectors, however, concluded that Iraq had likely produced two to four times that amount. This is a massive stockpile of biological weapons that has never been accounted for, and capable of killing millions.
=
(A few 'To Do' lists from the president's diary:)
Sat, Nov. 30
**Interview to Fox News**
Ramble on the sheer threat of Saddam's tyranny. Answer a hard query about the war with an unrelated anecdote. Misquote random writers.
Sun, Dec. 1
* Reveal to the nation 'The New, Bitchin' War on Terror'.
* Nickname Dick Cheney 'homey'.
Mon, Dec. 2
* Model a swift air raid on Iraq. Give Rumsfeld a wedgie.
* Trade lunches with Cheney. If caught, promise mom it was his idea.
Thu, Dec. 5
* Ask the wife to wear pigtail braids. If Laura agrees, convince Colin to do the same.
* Fight Senate to terminate sales tax on rodeo boots.
Fri, Dec. 6
**Daughters' birthday!** Get up late at night and assist them in finding the way to the bathroom. Flush once the heaving's done.
Mon, Dec. 9
**A visit of the enormous Israeli dude!** Make the place Wideass-Friendly.
* Pull wife's pigtails.
Wed, Dec. 11
* Pull Colin's pigtails.
Fri, Dec. 13
**Yee-ha! Iraqi Action Time!!!**
Gather strategists and assess possible tactics. Ask dad what's the Iraqi word for 'camel poop'.
Sat, Dec. 14
* Pull army out of Iraq. Make a speech to the nation on these foes' asinine cases of aggression and hostility, and the horrible perils of mass-destruction weapons.
* Drop an atomic bomb on Baghdad.
Mon, Dec. 16
* Shop for rodeo boots.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A poem by children's author Shel Silverstein, anagrammed into a line-by-line ambigram.
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2002:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Last-Minute =
Nuts! I'm late.
SPAM CATEGORY, November 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Don't get left behind. Don't let your computer go to waste. With *FREE* computer learning from Video Professor, you can get the skills you need to succeed. Whether you need office skills to get a new job or promotion, or simply want to help the kids with their homework or organize the family budget, Video Professor has the lesson just for you.
It's FAST! You'll be up-and-running in an hour or less! Don't waste time sifting through those big, thick manuals. Commuting to classes or seminars is a waste of your time and money. Just pop in the CD-ROM and you're learning! It's EASY!
=
Do you feel ridiculously idiotic? Do friends often name you 'That Moron'? Then you MUST visit the Forrest Gump School for Slack-Jawed Yokels!!!
Only HERE can the young twits and idiots:
* Get straw-chewing tips!
* Sign for the groundbreaking 'Hi, My Name Is Forrest Gump, People Call Me Forrest Gump' seminar!
* Be a part of The Forrest Gump Theatre hit-show, "When Life Gives You Lemons"!
* Wear stupid little beanies and snooze all day!
No books! No homeworks! No studying! No teeth! Join the ultimate Forrest Gump courses *TODAY* - The tuition here is just two roosters and one corn cob!!!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2002:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A verse of a poem by Oscar Wilde, anagrammed into a paraphrase which is also an acrostic square on the author's name.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Henry Sambrooke
Leigh: The Twins
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