Anagrammy Winners by Meyran Kraus in 2003
All the winning anagrams by Meyran Kraus from the 2003 Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Literature for blind persons =
Friends turn prose to Braille.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
There are causes worth dying for, but none worth killing for. (Albert Camus) =
Er, oil?... Is 'Great barrels of crude oil' a term unknown to that Frenchy? (G.W. Bush)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Christina
Rossetti: Listening
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A cheap motel =
Place to...*ahem*.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
One Splendid Demonstration of ESP
1. Pick a number from 1 to 10.
2. Multiply it by 9. Add the digits of the result together. Subtract 5.
3. Assign a letter to the answer you have (A=one, B=two, etc).
4. Think of a country that begins with this letter.
5. Think of an animal that begins with the second letter of the country.
6. What's a colour associated with the animal?
7. That's odd... see, there are no grey elephants in Denmark!
=
A Lesson In Fear
1. Repeat stages 1-3 in the trick above.
2. Think of the name of a cute bird that starts with that letter.
3. Imagine the snappy sound it makes. Go on.
4. Obtain the first letter of that sound. Think about a country which ends with the letter.
5. Try to dwell on the global menace its cold, sadistic leader presents.
6. Then, drift your hate towards the camel-humping demons...
7. Honey, you're now a bigot.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Shakespeare's 117th sonnet anagrammed into three less-than-serious poetic renditions of famous texts by the bard.
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Congressional Medal of Honor =
Hang on chest of one moral soldier.
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Mysterious rectal foreign bodies =
I used to force gerbils into my arse.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The president of Iraq, Saddam Hussein =
Press had to enquire if this man's dead.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A small bit from Lewis Carroll's 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland', Chapter VIII
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Countries of the Third World =
Tourist threw children food.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes =
So, can he solve the murder, folks?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The cartoon dad Homer Simpson =
That moron mopes and cries "D'oh!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Edwin Arlington Robinson:
Richard Cory
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Two celestial poems
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Disney's classic feature, 'Bambi' =
Baby deer in a film? It's a success!
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
They are platonic friends =
(Pity I can't fondle her arse...)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow: Night
GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Every cloud has a silver lining"? =
No, such drivel is largely naive.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2003:
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Eminem: Cleaning Out My
Closet
LONG CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
76th Academy Awards Rules
For Distinguished Achievements During 2003
RULE ONE
AWARDS DEFINITIONS
1. Academy Awards of merit shall be given annually to honor outstanding achievements
in theatrically-released feature-length motion pictures, and to honor other achievements
as provided for in the rules and approved by the Board of Governors.
=
The heads of the Foundation for Taste in Cinema have devised an apology for any direct
or indirect involvement in these sheer stupid movies:
Superman IV
Gigli
Dude, Where's My Car?
Armageddon
Urban Legends: Final Cut
All inane rubbish that features Adam Sandler
The odd Last Action Hero that ran an hour too long
Spice World
We're so very sorry.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
3 Angles to Frost's 'The Road Not Taken'
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The ballet position =
It shall be on tiptoe.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Middle East violence =
Evidence led to Islam.
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A skirt chaser =
I track her ass.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
American President J.F.K. =
A frantic jerk sniped me
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Stonehenge, in the downland of Salisbury Plain =
Long boulders in an open field? Why, that's insane!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
When I consider every thing that grows
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2003:
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mental Disturbance =
Unclear mind, at best.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[Office of the Press Secretary, October 24, 2003]
The President's Ramadan Message
I send greetings to Muslims in the United States and around the
world observing the holy month of Ramadan.
Ramadan is the holiest season in the Islamic faith, commemorating
the revelation of the Qur'an to Muhammed. This month of introspection
provides Muslims a time to focus on their faith and practice God's
commands. Through fasting, prayer, contemplation, and charity,
Muslims around the world renew their commitment to lead lives
of honesty, integrity, and comion.
Throughout our history, people of different faiths have shaped
the character of our Nation. Islam is a peaceful religion, and
people who practice the Islamic faith have made great contributions
to our Nation and the world. As Americans, we cherish our freedom
to worship and we remain committed to welcoming individuals of
all religions. By working together to advance freedom and mutual
understanding, we are creating a brighter future of hope and opportunity.
Laura joins me in sending our best wishes. Ramadan mubarak.
George W. Bush
=
[Translation from Arabic of the actual message]
Could the camel-fornicator that finds our memo please it along
to the People of Iraq?
Hi, Arab maggots! It's me, Mr. G. I just wanna inform you of them
funds heading your way - and of the conditions them funds involve.
Nope, our dime sure doesn't come cheap. There's a reason we're
the world's richest nation, and I intend to maintain this title.
First: Give me my nuclear weapons back. Our army slaved on them
top-notch pieces of arsenal; Saddam bought them from America for
a fair price and promised to trigger them when we give him the
order. Not only this traitor didn't come through, now you are
claiming this prime nuclear goodness disappeared into thin air?
C'mon, Donald begs for his uranium to return - be fair to him,
the man can't live without it.
Second: Does the phrase 'Christ Is Your Friend' ring a bell? Get
used to it.
And last one: Capitalism. Nuff said.
George
P.S. Laura is curious: why would someone want to celebrate the
Ramada Inn? She reminded me of that night we spent there and got
a stomach flu virus from their room service. I think she has a
damn good point.
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Correspondent ~
does CNN report.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
American President George W. Bush =
He needs grim war to bring us peace?!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The recent Microsoft Windows update =
Few noticed it's the same worn product.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Anthology: The Best Of Michael Jackson
Disc 1
1. Got To Be There
2. Rockin' Robin
3. Ain't No Sunshine
4. Maria (You Were The Only One)
5. I Wanna Be Where You Are
6. Girl Don't Take Your Love From Me
7. Love Is Here And Now You're Gone
8. Ben
9. People Make The World Go 'Round
10. Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Da-Day
11. With A Child's Heart
12. Everybody's Somebody's Fool
13. Greatest Show On Earth
14. We've Got A Good Thing Going
15. In Our Small Way
16. All The Things You Are
17. You Can Cry On My Shoulder
18. Maybe Tomorrow
19. I'll Be There
20. Never Can Say Goodbye
21. It's Too Late To Change The Time
22. Dancing Machine
Disc 2
1. When I Come Of Age
2. Dear Michael
3. Music And Me
4. You Are There
5. One Day In Your Life
6. Make Tonight All Mine
7. Love's Gone Bad
8. That's What Love Is Made Of
9. Who's Looking For A Lover
10. Lonely Teardrops
11. Cinderella Stay Awhile
12. We're Almost There
13. Take Me Back
14. Just A Little Bit Of You
15. Melodie
16. I'll Come Home To You
17. If N' I Was God
18. Happy
19. Don't Let It Get You Down
20. Call On Me
21. To Make My Father Proud
22. Farewell My Summer Love
=
Reviews by the delighted customers:
"A bloody good job, Michael - so good that I neglected my web-surfing for a whole day!" (Pete Townshend)
"We love your work!" (N.A.M.B.L.A.)
"Oh my god, what a dreamy collection! Playing the album in my room really gets me in the mood to drive by a school" (Pee Wee Herman)
"Not bad, for a goy! Hearing your voice fetched cute memories of Soon-Yi when she turned eight" (Woody Allen)
"Love the groove, Mike my man! Ah hell, you are too cool for words. Oh, and thanks for your latest advice - teenage booties ARE an inspiration!" (R. Kelly)
"Please, allow me to e-mail a 'kudos' for a nugget of an album, Michael. I know we don't see eye to eye when it comes to gender, but I like the overall theme... And ignore the D.A. - he is such a killjoy" (Roman Polanski)
"A great treat by an immortal icon... Holier than the Holiest... We would be honored to send some boys your way as indication of our gratitude" (from a long note by several anonymous Catholic clergymen)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Magic by Shel Silverstein
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Casino hotels =
To lose cash in.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Best-Selling Book in the World =
Still the Bible - God knew no others!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Saddam Hussein, the Iraqis' former president =
A squad pried his ass from his retirement den.
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