Anagrammy Winners by Dharam Khalsa in 2008
All the winning anagrams by Dharam Khalsa from the 2008 Anagrammy Awards.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2008:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
eBay auction =
I can beat you.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2008:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower 6:40 a.m., just as his wife finishes up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The pretty wife wraps her body in a tatty towel and goes downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, the guy says, "I'll give you eight hundred dollars to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops away her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, the guy hands her eight hundred dollars, tells her goodbye and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the tatty towel and goes upstairs to the bedroom. Getting there, her husband asks, "Who was that, Honey?"
"The neighbour Bob."
"Great!" the husband says, "Did my buddy say anything to you about the eight hundred dollars he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a nun a lift. Getting into the car, she crossed her legs, forcing her baggy gown to flaunt a taut leg. The priest nearly had an accident! After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, try to remember Psalm 129." The priest moved his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up the taut leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, try to remember that Psalm." The priest apologized, "Sorry Sister, but you know the flesh is weak." Arriving at the ivy-covered convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
When he got back to the church, the priest looked up and found Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you do not stay well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager, walking to lunch, find a tiny oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Yay! Me first! Me first!" shouts the sales rep. "I want to be in the Bahamas driving in a little speedboat, then catching a few zz's, without a care in the world." Puff! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" shouts the admin clerk. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing at a beach with my male masseuse, endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Utopia!" Puff! She's gone.
~
"OK, you're up," The genie informs the manager. The manager hoots, "I want those two back in the office after lunch by 12:29!"
Moral of the story is:
A winner always lets his boss have first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a nice sassafras tree resting passively, doing nothing. A small rabbit assessed the eagle and asked him, "I wonder, can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered, "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat passive on the ground below the sassafras and rested like a maharajah. All of a sudden, 9 or 10 minutes later, in a whirr, a fox appeared, jumped on the hapless rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story is:
To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull in a grassy orchard. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but haven't got enough energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with corn and nutrients!" he explains.
So the turkey sniffed, appraised a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to raise himself to the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after another picnic of dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night in the grassy yard, the turkey was proudly perched in the treetop.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, an expert marksman. The farmer raised his gun and shot him from the tree.
Moral of the story is:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and whirled to the ground in a large field. While he was lying there in crisis, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there still in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to exclaim, "Ahhhh!" and sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and the assassin promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story is:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is an enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is a friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, July 2008:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Fear of Flying
A plane took off from an airport in New York and steadily climbed. After it had reached its comfortably high cruising altitude, the captain made a typical announcement out over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 93, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. I see the weather ahead is good and we should have a fairly smooth and uneventful flight. Now lean back and re..."
"OH MY GOD!" he yelled.
~
A shivery silence followed, a child bawled, and after a long time that seemed like forever, the captain came back over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I frightened you earlier. During the time I was talking, Donna, a new on-board flight attendant, accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A grumpy man using the phone far away in row 39 groaned, "No, that's nothing. You should look at the back of mine!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2008:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World", a list including only great structures around the Mediterranean rim (the number "seven" was used as the Greeks did believe that number to be a magical sign):
* Pyramids, Egypt
* Hanging Gardens of Babylon (built by Nebuchadnezzar II)
* Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
* Statue of Greek God Zeus at Olympia
* Marble Tomb of King Mausolus Halicarnassus
* Colossus of Rhodes in Aegean Sea
* Pharos at Alexandria, Egypt
Seven Wonders of the Medieval World
(written in the Middle Ages, adding several):
* Colosseum of Rome
* Catacombs of Alexandria, Egypt
* Great Wall of China
* Stonehenge of Salisbury Plain, England
* Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy
* The Porcelain Tower of Nanjing, China
* Mosque of St. Sophia in Constantinople (now Istanbul, Turkey)
Some of the above attractions are not on all "Medieval Wonders" lists. Other variations of medieval wonders include:
* Abu Simbel Temple, Egypt
* Angkor Wat, Cambodia
* Aztec Temple of Tenochtitlan, Mexico
* Banaue Rice Terraces, Philippines
* Borobudur Temple, Java, Indonesia
* Inca City of Machu Picchu, Peru
* Mayan Temples of Tikal, Guatemala
* Moai Statues of Easter Island, Rapa Nui, Chile
* Mont Saint-Michel, Normandy, France
* Parthenon, Athens, Greece
* Petra (Rock-Carved City) Jordan
* Shwedagon Pagoda, Myanmar
* Taj Mahal, Agra, India
* Temple of the Inscriptions at Palenque, Mexico
* Throne Hall of Persepolis, Iran
Seven Wonders of the Modern World:
* The Suez Canal
* The Eiffel Tower, Paris, France
* The Alaska Highway, Alaska, USA
* The Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, California, USA
* Empire State Building, New York, USA
* Dneproges Dam, Dnieper River, Ukraine
* The Panama Canal
Various "Modern Wonders" above are not on all lists. More international attractions include:
* Atomic Energy Research Establishment, Harwell, England
* Big Ben Clock Tower, London, England
* Channel Tunnel, England-France
* CN Tower, Toronto, Canada
* Gateway Arch, St. Louis, USA
* Aswan Dam, Egypt
* Hoover Dam, Arizona/Nevada, USA
* Itaipu Dam, Brazil/Paraquay
* Mount Rushmore, South Dakota, USA
* Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
* Statue of Cristo Redentor, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
* Statue of Liberty, New York, USA
* Sydney Opera House, Australia
~
The Seven Wonders of the Natural World (as documented in my home encyclopedia):
* Mount Everest, Nepal
* Victoria Falls, Africa
* Grand Canyon, Southwest USA
* Great Barrier Reef
* The Northern Lights
* Paricutin Volcano (new), Mexico
* The Harbor at Rio de Janeiro
Some of the above phenomena may not be seen used in all Natural Wonders lists. The same encyclopedia pages append these obvious wonders:
* Angel Falls, Venezuela
* Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia
* Blue Grotto, Capri, Italy
* Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico, USA
* Giant Sequoias, Yosemite, California, USA
* Igua Falls, South America
* Krakatoa Island, Indonesia
* Mount Fuji, Japan
* Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania
* Niagara Falls, Ontario/New York
* Nile, Egypt
* Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes, Alaska, USA
* Yellowstone Falls, Wyoming, USA
Additionally, CEDAM International, a US-based group of people dedicated to protecting the aqueous ocean ecosystem, compiled the timeless "Seven Underwater Wonders of the World":
* Palau
* Belize Barrier Reef
* Galapagos Islands
* Northern Red Sea
* Lake Baikal, Siberia
* Great Barrier Reef
* Deep Sea Vents
"The Seven Wonders of the Industrial World", a document penned by UK author Deborah Cadbury analyzing phenomenal human feats of engineering of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, is quoted below:
* SS Great Eastern (steamship)
* Bell Rock Lighthouse/Signal Tower Museum
* Brooklyn Bridge, USA
* London sewerage system
* First Transcontinental Railroad
* The Panama Canal
* Hoover Dam
Popular travel/amusement writer Howard Hillman composed these simple lists recommending the top ten human-made and natural scenic places (in his opinion) to world tourists:
Best human-made travel wonders:
* Giza pyramid complex of Egypt
* Great Wall of China
* The Taj Mahal in India
* Machu Picchu, Peru
* Bali
* Angkor Wat, Cambodia
* Forbidden City, China
* Bagan Temples and Pagodas, Myanmar
* Karnak Temple, Egypt
* Teotihuacan, Mexico
Best natural travel wonders:
* Immense Serengeti Migration
* Galapagos Islands
* The Grand Canyon, Southwest USA
* Iguazu Falls, Argentina
* Amazon Rainforest
* Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania
* The Great Barrier Reef
* Victoria Falls, Africa
* Bora Bora, South Pacific
* Cappadocia, Turkey
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2008:
eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Evangelical Christian =
I have certain callings.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2008:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Note: (not part of anagram) "Obama or McCain as President" is the title and also runs down the left side in bold letters. Each line is an anagram of the title. To check it, I ran it through Anagram Artist with "Obama or McCain as President" 24 times. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Hope it makes sense to you. Thanks for looking!
****************************************
OBAMA OR MCCAIN AS PRESIDENT
Bipartisan, a road commences
America beams its pro and con.
Misconceptions bear a drama
An impasse in a record combat.
Obama can inspire Democrats,
Raise past damn economic bar.
McCain made a prisoner boast,
Can broadcast pain memories.
Companies remain bad actors
And compare as rise in combat
In command bases or at a price.
No promise can be as dramatic
As combat-prisoned American,
Since armada son bore impact.
Parties are basic and common;
Racism became a nation's prod.
Embrace radiant compassion;
Spirit can become a man's road.
In America, no combat spreads;
Dreams combine as in a top arc,
Encompass and orbit America.
No praise, as drab to me, McCain;
Top card Obama is sincere man!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2008:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
US Election Day =
You and I select
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2008:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
If you still don't know what to be for Halloween, then here are ten great costumes from "film.com". All it takes is rummaging through your closet and a bit of creativity.
1. The Joker
No act drew as much attention this year as Heath Ledger's Joker. You'll need white face paint, black eye shadow, and temp spray hair color. A purple suit works if you can find one in a vintage shop. Apply red lipstick with your eyes closed for that maniacal touch.
* Bonus points if you get the voice down. "Wanna know how I got these scars?"
2. Sarah Palin
Just as there are three branches of government, there are three pieces needed to pull off Sarah Palin: glasses, a skirt suit, and a frozen-yogurt-swirl hairdo. Throw on lipstick and a flag pin and you're in business.
* Bonus points if you have bangs or a caribou carcass in tow.
3. Michael Phelps
You'll need a lot of self-confidence to pull this trick off. The key items are a Speedo, swim cap and goggles. Use bronzer to define your muscles so you can proudly display eight gold medals across your pecs.
* Bonus points if you bring along your mom.
4. Miley Cyrus
This queen of Disney is a lot more fun than those Disney princesses. Add extensions to your hair, squeeze into tight jeans and a sequined tank. Add a studded belt, cowboy boots, fingerless gloves and hoop earrings, and you're ready to pop-rock.
* Bonus points if you find a kinky guy to be your underwear model boyfriend.
5. Brangelina Baby
This costume works for just about any ethnicity. Dress in hip duds and brag about your globe-trotting, multi-millionaire parents. If you can, sport a faux-hawk.
* Bonus points if you find super-attractive kids to pose as your siblings.
~
6. Jonas Brothers
You'll have mobs of the hottest women worshipping you in your skinny jeans, skinny tie, skinny coat, skinny vest ... you get the idea. Wanna be legit? Wear promise rings.
* Bonus points if one of you has a glucose monitor.
7. Blair Waldorf
Pull that official private school uniform out of the cobwebby closet and accessorize it with preppy rediscoveries: low boots, cotton knee highs, coordinating jewelry, a good designer handbag, and the always essential headband.
* Bonus points if you adopt a pert snobbish attitude and add a Chuck Bass look-a-like prop.
8. Rachel Zoe
The key requirements of this costume style are huge accessories. Giant sunglasses, exaggerated wide-leg jeans, and a fluffy, faux fur vest ought to produce results. Hold a Starbucks coffee cup in your hand all night and you'll shut it down!
* Bonus points if you add the words "I die" and "bananas" to all your conversations.
9. Kirk Lazarus
When channeling Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder", remember, fellows, it's quite important not to risk offending anyone. You would need camouflage fatigues, commando face paint, one realistic wig, and lots of personality for this metamorphosis. Dressing as a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude is not easy.
* Bonus points if you bust out a hot Australian accent half-way through.
10. Katy Perry
Vintage flair is the key to Katy Perry's personal technique. If you happen to find a retro-inspired romper, then you're all set. Doll up your face with lots of shimmery makeup and sport some beribboned girly accessories. Remember to carry some cherry chapstick in your purse.
* Bonus points if you actually kiss a girl.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2008:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Blonde to the supermarket manager on the telephone:
"I just bought a ten-pound turkey. How long do I cook it in the microwave?" ~
"Just a minute," the man remarked to the blonde, hoping to look it up.
"Wow! You've been a great help!!" cried the host, running to cook.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2008:
eq1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas? =
The uncut trees out in the yard with dreamlike gossamer of snow aloft.
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