Anagrammy Winners by Dharam Khalsa in 2009
All the winning anagrams by Dharam Khalsa from the 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Conceptual artist Andy Warhol =
A red soup can! Why not call it art?
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2009:
Eq1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ernest Hemingway =
His mane went grey
LONG CATEGORY, January 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Basic Wedding Cake Recipe
6 cups soft cake flour, sifted
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 1/2 cups butter or margarine, softened
3 cups sugar
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
12 egg whites
Preheat oven to 325¡F. Grease pans and line bottom with sheets of waxed paper (may also use parchment paper).
Sift flour and baking powder. Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat egg whites only until stiff, not dry. With mixer on slow speed, add flour and baking powder to butter and sugar, alternately with milk. Beat well after each addition. Mix in vanilla. Gently fold egg whites into batter. Pour into prepared pans. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool, ice, and decorate. Serve, share, enjoy!
=
Recipe for Upkeep of a Happy Marriage
1/2 gallon faith
6 cups consideration
5 cups trust
3 cups kindhearted praise
2 cups flattery, hidden
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 flexible budget and a pledge of cooperation
2 teaspoons pure extract of "I'm sorry"
2 tablespoons of contentment
3 cups confident and encouraging attitude
1 large or a few small hobbies
2 cups blindness to the other's faults
Stir well, taking out any big wayward lumps of bitter jealousy, bad temper, backtalk, or nagging guilt. Add pepper of recreation and a rare extract like wise understanding, and whisk gently. Next, sweeten with true love and romance. Bake and keep warm with a flame of devotion. It gets better with age, but never serve it with a cold shoulder!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man and his wife were watching 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' on TV while in bed. He turned to her and said, "Want to make love?"
"No," she answered.
"Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at him this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So he said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
Then the fight started...
*******
A man asked his lovely wife in advance, "Where would you like to go for our next vacation?"
She answered, "Someplace I haven't been in a long time."
He suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
Then the fight started...
*******
One Saturday morning a man got up very early, quietly dressed, made his lunch, even fed the dog, and slipped quietly out into the garage. First he hooked the boat to his truck, and then proceeded to back out into a torrential rainstorm.
A wind was blowing to 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and heard the announcer say that the weather would be bad all day.
The man went back into the house and quietly slipped into bed. He snuggled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
His loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out fishing in that?"
Then the fight started...
*******
A man and woman were asleep in the bed like two oversized babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, loud noise came from outside.
The woman rose from the bed and yelled at the man "Holy crap! That might be my husband!"
The scared man leapt out of the bed and jumped out of the window naked. He slammed on the ground, ran through a thorn bush, and sped to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned to the bedroom, and hissed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"
The woman yelled back, "Yeah, so then why were you running?"
Then the fight started...
*******
A man tried to talk his wife into buying a case of Miller Light. Instead, she bought herself a jar of cold cream.
He told her the beer would make her face look better at night than the cold cream.
Then the fight started...
*******
A woman was standing nude, assessing herself in the mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and sighed to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look so old and fat. I really need you to pay
me a compliment."
So the sarcastic husband replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
Then the fight started...
*******~
A man took his dowdy wife to a restaurant, where a new befuddled waiter took the husband's order first.
"I'll have steak, medium rare, please."
The dumbfounded waiter asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
The man deadpanned, "Nah, she can order for herself."
Then the battle began...
*******
A man and his wedded wife were sitting at a table at his Midwest high school reunion. He kept staring uncomfortably at a drunken redheaded woman sitting alone at a nearby table, swigging her drink.
The wife demanded, "Is that drunk an acquaintance?"
"Yes," the man sighed, "That woman is an old girlfriend. I understand she took up drinking right after I dumped her many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"Oh, my!" blurted his wife, adding "Who would think a woman could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the battle started...
*******
After he retired, an Albuquerque fellow did not dillydally and went immediately into the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter smiled and asked the man for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pocket and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman employee he would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." The old guy opened his shirt, revealing curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." She processed the man's application as he buttoned up his shirt.
When the man got home, he told his wife about the woman at the Social Security office.
She jumped in loudly, "You should have opened your pants fly! You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the battle started...
*******
When a newlywed husband got home from work, his pouty wife demanded that he take her someplace expensive.
He took her to the gas station.
Then the battle started...
*******
A wife was hinting to her husband about what present she wanted for their upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds!"
He bought her a big scale.
And then the battle began...
*******
A sleepy wife sat down on the couch, joining her weary husband. He was flipping channels, attempting to look for entertainment. She asked, "So, what's on the television?"
He muttered, "Dust."
And then the battle began...
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Amnesty International =
Meant to nail tyrannies.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Life begins on the other side of despair"--Jean-Paul Sartre =
Is a depression just a period felt before nearing health?
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Satisfaction =
Cat in its sofa.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2009:
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Animal emoticons:
:]~~~~~~* Frog catching a fly
:@) Pig
:©P Pig with tongue sticking out
^(@@)^ Wise owl
:(|) Monkey
) Cheshire cat
,,,,,,,,,, Ants a-marching
}:-8 Bull
<"}}}><\ Fish
=
-------------<;)))>< Fish caught bait
I=8) Comic cow
>^..^< Cat
=^-.-^= Sleepy kitten
~~~~~~~~~8}= Snake with fangs
_@/. Snail coming right
<:3 )~~~~~ Mouse going left
{:8( Unhappy gorilla
0__/\__ Inchworm
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2009:
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
THE TODDLER WEIGHT-LOSS DIET
As you may have noticed, most two-year-olds are trim. The secret to their success is finally available in this new miracle diet. (You may want to consult your doctor before attempting this diet.)
DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of the egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly all over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons, a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two dimes and a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is fresh and clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid on mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
=
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup; eat one with fingers, rub in hair and shirt. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sticky sucker from the rug, lick off fur, and put it on cushion of dad's best chair.
Lunch: Eat three wooden matches, peanut butter (protein) and jelly sandwich. Spit out several bites onto the kitchen floor. Pour glass of milk on the table and slurp it up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, orange punch. Try to laugh a little through your nose, if possible.
LAST DAY
Breakfast: A little toothpaste, bit of soap (nontoxic), one oily olive. Pour glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of honey. Once cereal is soggy, drink sweet milk. Give gooey cereal to the dog. Drop vitamin and genuine Tonka toy down heat vent.
Lunchtime: Eat stale bread crumbs, old Dorito and dirty Cheerio off the kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Retrieve yesterday's sucker, finish it.
Dinner: Enjoy concoction of spaghetti noodles, sauce, and chocolate milk. Leave uneaten meatball on dinner plate. Try to swallow mascara tube for dessert.
(Dietitian note: A well-tolerated and nutritional weight-loss diet; no antidote is usually indicated.)
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Woodstock Music and Arts Festival =
Review: It's a fact most took LSD and such.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
You have to be confirmed old-fogyish enough to remember Abbott and Costello's witty comical routines, too crotchety to understand computers, and juvenile enough to appreciate this farcical spoof. For those of us who become stymied by bleeping computers, scroll down...
If comics Abbott and Costello were alive today, they might have modified their famed wry sketch, "Who's on First?" sort of like this:
COSTELLO'S ON LINE TWO
(Costello calls to buy a computer from salesman Abbott)
ABBOTT (cheery): Super Duper computer store. May I help you?
COSTELLO (dignified): Why yes, thank you. I'm setting up an office in my house and I'm thinking about buying a new computer.
ABBOTT: You're welcome. Mac?
COSTELLO: No, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer yet. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: Hey, I told you, I'm Lou!
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get too stuffy?
ABBOTT: Anyway, do you want a computer with Windows, McAfee?
COSTELLO: I don't know. By the way, I'm still Lou! What do I see when I check the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Wow, never mind the windows. I want a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO (agitatedly): No! For my gosh-darn computer! I need it to type proposals, track expenses, run my Chevy franchise. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You just recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO (weary): For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
~
COSTELLO: What did you just recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows, and I'm almost ready to jump out! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a business proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: You would need Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office!
ABBOTT: Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click over the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: Absurd! Sir, I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start giving me some straight answers! Let's just suppose I'm a used car salesman. Then, what about finance and bookkeeping, and all that? Do you have anything to help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Sure...Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: Yep, it comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with the computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. A real plus, at no extra charge!
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: Say, isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us our own license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later...)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. How may I help you?
COSTELLO: I'm embarrassed, but how do I turn this useless computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on 'START'...
(The End)
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Golden Anniversary =
Dear Granny's in love.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
Conspiracy theorists reuse the medieval seer's manipulated terms.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The U.S. Postal Service created a postage stamp with a picture of ex-president George W. Bush to commemorate his achievements.
In use, it has been shown that the stamp is not sticking at all to the envelope. This enraged the former president, who demanded
a full investigation.
=
After a month of extensive tests, the appointed committee was able to draw up, then give 'what's-his-name' harsh conclusive results:
1) The custom stamp is in perfect order and is legitimate.
2) There is no damage to the adhesive glue on the back.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A Sonnet Upon Sonnets
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Himalayan Mount Everest =
A summit nearly to Heaven.
| Home | | The Anagrammy Awards | Enter the Forum | Facebook | The Team |  |
| Information | | Awards Rules | Forum FAQ | Anagrams FAQ | History | Articles | |
| Resources | | Anagram Artist Software | Generators | On-line | Books | Websites | |
| Archive | | Winners | Nominations | Hall of Fame | Anagrammasia | Literary | |
| Competition | | Vote | Current Nominations | Leader Board | Latest Results | Old Results | Rankings | |
| Miscellaneous | | Tribute Page | Records | Sitemap | Search | Anagram Checker | Email Us | Donate | |
| Anagrammy Awards | © 1998-2012 Last updated 17th December, 2011 |