Anagrammy Winners by Adie Pena in 2010
All the winning anagrams by Adie Pena from the 2010 Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Solitary confinement =
Myself. No interaction.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Top Three Richest People in the World:
Warren E. Buffet,
Carlos Slim Helu,
and William Gates III =
Billionaires:
I'm the Super Capitalist,
the New Upright Fellow,
and the Microsoft Wheeler-Dealer.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
SINCE MY VALENTINE GOT A COMPUTER
By Joanna Fuchs
Since my Valentine got a computer
My love life has taken a hit.
Nothing I say is important
Unless itÕs a byte or a bit.
Before she got her new laptop,
Everything was just fine;
Now she says we canÕt talk
Unless we both go online.
"But honey," I said, "IÕm attached to you;
Love is what I feel."
"That keyword isnÕt relevant,"
She said, with eyes of steel.
She clicked the keyboard furiously;
The screen was all she could see,
And then to my horror and shame,
She started describing me:
"Your motherboard needs upgrading;
Your OS needs help, too.
And you definitely need a big heatsink
To cool your CPU."
"DonÕt flame me, my sweet," I pleaded.
"Not on ValentineÕs Day."
"Fix the bugs, and IÕll see," she said,
While looking at me with dismay.
"What ever you want, my darling;
Whatever you need; you call it.
IÕll upload or download anything,
And then IÕll go install it."
(Her hostile CD keeps replaying,
And though I donÕt want to fight her,
Is this what I want for a Valentine?
IÕve been burned; can I rewrite her?)
"Are you all hard drive now," I asked
"Is there no software in you?
DonÕt you remember the good times?
Let our memories see us through."
"LOL," she said to me, chuckling.
"YouÕre nothing but adware.
"IÕve got four gigs of memory;
IÕve got no problem there."
"Please, honey, we can save it," I said.
"Our love means more than that."
"ThatÕs not in my cache; weÕre going to crash,"
She said, as she turned me down flat.
(This woman has really changed;
Do I really want to chase her?
More and more IÕm thinking
It might be nice to erase her.)
"Aw, honey, donÕt talk like that," I said.
"CanÕt we just plug and play?
I hereby accept default,
And IÕm yours, my love, come what may.
My goal is to make you happy;
I want to be your portal,
But your sudden, distant coldness
Would test the strongest mortal.
If we need a brand new interface,
So we can FTP,
IÕm your go along, get along guy,
And I want you to stay with me."
"If you want to get into my favorites," she said,
And you want to get past my encryption,
If you want to get through my firewall,
Here is my only prescription."
"First, put up your own Web site,
And e-mail me when itÕs done.
IÕll check your page rank with Google,
And tell you if youÕre the one."
My life has become a real trial,
Since my Valentine got a computer.
If I want her to care about me again,
I guess IÕll have to reboot her.
=
AN ENTERTAINING NAUGHTY FORWARD FROM THE WORLD WIDE WEB LITERATI
Here's a humorous, touching story
This person can never forget.
It made the rounds many years ago
Out there on the internet.
About a little boy, he goes to his Pa
One unusual September morn
And halfheartedly asks, "Daddy,
Can you tell me how was I born?"
The father instinctively answers,
"Well, son, I guess one day
No matter how I try to conceal it,
You will need to find out anyway!
"Here is how we first met,
Your gorgeous Momma and tumid I.
It was a slow, sleepy evening
In the glorious month of July.
"She was sufficiently bored
And I had nothing to do
So we both got together
In a chat room on Yahoo.
"I kinda liked the vivacity in her,
She kinda liked the spirit in me
She sent a soothing smile, I sent a wink;
We had to meet eventually.
"I sent her a comic, funny photo
From my trusty point-and-shoot.
She sent me a jpeg attachment,
Oh, she was so fairly cute!
"I was a lonely individual, okay?
She was eighteen, a single female.
So we inspiringly set up a date
Via Google's noteworthy Gmail.
"The following free week break
On a muggy, hot-air Tuesday
We agreed to see each other
There at a nearby cyber-cafe.
"As soon as I saw her keyboard
My interactive heart went boom!
As she grabbed my animated mouse,
We snuck into an unoccupied room.
"My pulse was beating faster,
I felt luckily great to be alive
When your mother gigglingly agreed
To a download from my hard drive.
"I thought my biggest problem
Would be the power supply;
A dead useless battery
Would've just made me cry!
"Though that wasn't a worry
As my adrenalin unflinchingly flowed
But a fear came over panicky me
As soon as I was ready to upload.
"Of all the critical things that we
Unthinkingly forgot to install!
We discovered that neither one of us
Oh, no! -- had used a firewall!
"Situationally, it was good as done;
Incipiently almost complete
And terribly too late to circuitously
Hit the button DELETE.
"I then was the most impatient
Dummy you have ever seen;
Continuously every hour every day
I'd check my blank screen.
"The excitement increased
As the big happy day neared
And nine long months later, wow!
A little pop-up appeared..."
And the lovely, honeymoon ending
To this modern fictitious tale
Is the intriguingly clever punchline
"YOU GOT MALE!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, March 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. film director Kathryn Bigelow =
"The Hurt Locker" wins big time for lady!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, April 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. President Obama =
I'm not a desperate Bush!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, June 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Prostitutes for hire =
Forte is "tits-per-hour."
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The assassin Lee Harvey Oswald =
Analyses revealed shot was his.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
JULY
by Hilaire Belloc
The Kings come riding back from the Crusade,
The purple Kings and all their mounted men;
They fill the street with clamorous cavalcade;
The Kings have broken down the Saracen.
Singing a great song of the eastern wars,
In crimson ships across the sea they came,
With crimson sails and diamonded dark oars,
That made the Mediterranean flash with flame.
And reading how, in that far month, the ranks
Formed on the edge of the desert, armoured all,
I wish to God that I had been with them
When the first Norman leapt upon the wall,
And Godfrey led the foremost of the Franks,
And young Lord Raymond stormed Jerusalem.
=
JULY
A crab perishes in the hell-like murky slick
Offending London as the controversy rages.
What the men read and fathom makes them sick
Hundredfold on television, in the web pages.
Tarring mammal fur, fins, feathers and wings
The waters turn lethal in grimy Louisiana.
The glib person won't narrate those mad things
As the dark tides reach the coast of Florida...
Immolating the endangered school and flock.
Accommodating the horrid CEO's job pressure,
Drown the hardheaded fool, smear the wayward.
Let me gag the ill-mannered and the immature.
With no effort to tame the shame and the shock,
Let's drub president Anthony Hayward!
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