Anagrammy Winners by Adrian Hickford

All the winning anagrams by Adrian Hickford from the Anagrammy Awards.

RUDE CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Empty penis? =
Yep, I'm spent.

 

ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Five classic authors of the horror genre whose take on life is downright macabre and slightly loopy: =
Clive Barker: he can frighten you with his low-grade hits: cool passages on fiery Hell-rooms. Daft or not?
Fearful Stephen King - beastly car Christine: the groovy motor follows a sad high-school weirdo, Arnie.
H.P. Lovecraft wreaked chaos within terrific, insane tales of yore: horrible ghouls and gloomy ghosts.
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley wrote Frankenstein: gothic, horrific, savage - oh, poor ghoulish baddies.
Bram Stoker, Irish creator of fiendish Dracula. He goes for the nape so evilly! Got last lynching - oh wow!

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2001:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
The Land of Nod

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2001:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Headstone =
One's death.

 

PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 2001:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Yasmin Le Bon =
Mainly bones.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2001:
eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The General Hospital =
He operates all night.

 

RUDE CATEGORY, August 2001:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
So get your fingers out =
Your tongue goes first.

 

AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, August 2001:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
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=

As Veronica clasped Pat's engorged phallus between her restless, rapid fingers and bent over to start to lick the pulsating mass, she soon realised her lover's penis seemed more supple than normal; it appeared to have a peculiar life of its own, seeking her busy tongue as it moved about, rather than Veronica taking authority. She tried not to bite the beast expanding in her mouth, as Veronica mumbled fretfully: "Pat, summat's different, love."

Pat moaned, yet heard nothing. The pill he'd adventurously taken earlier that afternoon was beginning to supply a steady stream of drugs, a very complex chemical cocktail into his shrinking brain. 'Complex', as it had said on the opaque bottle.

Veronica continued to tease her partner's veiny head, unaware of the snot oozing from his nose.

As Pat climaxed, syrupy semen spurted, burst out forcefully from his recently released tumescence, apparently out of control, and sprayed against the bedroom's ceiling. Pat's powerless body toppled on to the bed, his foamy Cyclopean organ a vertical column.

Veronica's eyes followed the line of Pat's knotty stump and read there, in revolting creamy script:

"Abracadabra! Yes! A fuck to die for."

Veronica's dreadful screams could be heard miles away...

 

 

PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 2001:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Charles Lutwidge Dodgson =
Select odd words, laughing.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2001:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Sending a wrapped present =
P.S. We need paper and string.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Radio phone-ins =
Opinions heard.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
American comedian Steven Wright's trademark is his brilliant dour-faced delivery and remarkably calm, off-the-wall approach to comedy.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Classified Document =
Found access limited.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2002:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
I've Got a Little List

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Funeral processions =
Person's final course.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2002:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
"Katherine" by Robert Louis Stevenson

 

TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Rail safety =
Fairy tales.

 

AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, May 2002:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Muscovites =
Soviet scum.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Board meeting =
More debating.

 

LONG CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
The petrol station =
Enter that oil-stop.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2002:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Alive =
La vie.

 

PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
The Archbishop of Canterbury =
Another church's type of Rabbi.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2002:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
The Long Category has been problematic for some time now, combining as it often does a number of shorter entries unsuccessfully competing against a few longer ones by the usual suspects. :) As such, I'd like to know what people think about possibly lowering the upper limit of Long from 1000 letters to something more modest, and shunting the longer ones directly into Special.

100 letters (with the option of going a bit over if necessary) should be a good boundary IMO. However, many of the current "short long" crop hover in the 40-60 letter region and might still be disadvantaged by any 80+ 'grams that appear. Hopefully this would be only a minor problem.

Another possibility that comes to mind is to alternate between upper limits, i.e. 100 one month and 1000 the next, with longer 'grams produced in a "short" month held over until the next competition (and vice versa). This would alleviate pressure on a fast-overcrowding Special category, but would create problems for the Grand Anagrammy.

The simplest solution would be to create an entire new category, "Medium" perhaps, but this is something we'd aim to avoid.

One last option also addresses the equivalent problem in Special, that short poems tend to be overwhelmed by the longer variety. Alternation would take place as described above but would involve short prose (limit 100) and short rhymes (limit c.150 in order to allow limericks, rubáiyát, good-sized nursery rhymes etc.). Most major genres of anagram would then be catered for without having to add more categories or cause major disruption to Grand Anagrammy voting.

[We could of course allow short prose and short poems to square off every month, but the former would most likely continue to be thrashed.]

Ideally whichever scheme is chosen should come into effect immediately, but if people prefer we can hold it off until either November or the new year.

What does everyone think?

=

Richard (and other intellectual folk who subscribe to this VoyForum)

Re: The problems with, and improvements to, our 'Long' category.

I don't particularly think I should be suggesting an even-handed solution to the problem as it stands, or attempt to come up with some sort of compromise to the schism. Faint hope :) However, I suppose I'm simply in agreement with David A. Green: "ultimately whatever is decided will be fine by me"

As a pointless example of the disparity currently evident, let me quote the two shortest ever 'long' winners (while noting that the longest ever winner contains over one thousand three hundred letters, developed by David Bourke):

Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? =
So, can he pee on ice and both of gonads not turn blue?
(Richard Brodie)

New Jersey Division of Alcoholic Beverage Control =
So enjoy a cool beer while Driving. Not clever? Fiasco!
(Tom Myers)

The babbling, bumbling, half-baked monologue reply you're currently reading, should some witless fool decide to nominate it forthwith, would immediately go into the 'Special' category (since it contains 1506 letters), but there isn't too much that's special about it. No troublesome pentameter-verse rhyming scheme to adhere to; no grotesque homeomorphic restriction to prosaic octosyllabic words; no amazingly witty, frivolous post about naked sex with a variety of filthy farmyard animals; and only the merest hint of puerile humour.

Pre-supposing that there will be unopposed metamorphosis of this category, when should this new rule become valid? We should postpone it until after the New Year, so that the Grand Anagrammies are unaffected.

Moreover, why not introduce a few new awards?
Parallelograms
Thermograms
Portmanteau-grams
Telegrams
Mammograms
Spectrograms
Holograms

Adrian - Gobbledegook spokesperson (brilliant use of twenty-odd leftover letters!)

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2002:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Chopping Carrots by Jack Cannon

 

TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
New Year's Resolution =
Notions we rarely use.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Remains hot ~
in a Thermos.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
A multiple personality disorder =
Ordeal promises plural identity.

 

MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"We must be the great arsenal of democracy" - Franklin D. Roosevelt =
"Can't anyone ever, sort of, kill Saddam? Or re-elect me, after?" - G. W. Bush

 

LONG CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Peregrin Took, Gimli, son of Gloin, Legolas Greenleaf of the Wood-Elves, Boromir, son of Denethor, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Gandalf the Grey.
=
"Lord of the Rings": Four small, shy Hobbits (one Ring-Bearer), a common, disagreeable dwarf, a good-looking elf, two savage men (one ranger King), and an aged fogey/sorceror plan going to the Fires of Doom.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
[A famous mnemonic for the digits of pi (HOW=3, I=1, NEED=4 etc.) anagrammed into another pi mnemonic.]

How I need a drink, alcoholic in nature, after the heavy chapters involving quantum mechanics.
=
Can I coin a chant equalling pi? Harken: "Three and unity sevenths." "Void-match", however formulaic.

 

RUDE CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
She's performing fellatio =
Offering her lips to males.

 

PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Admiral Horatio Nelson =
A national hero, milords.

 

PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Alan Mathison Turing =
An original maths nut.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
My Garden, by Thomas Edward Brown

 

LONG CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
People are occasionally having problems with nominations. Teething problems are common with new changes.

The most common problem is making mistake on their nomination, pressing "Post Now", rather than "Review Message", then trying to correct the mistake on their reply (not the original post). The end-result is that the anagram becomes attributed to the nominator not the author.

Helpful tips to overcome this:

1. With all nominations, please use the "Review Message" button.

2. If you have made a mistake, then use your browser's back button and correct the error, and review the message again.

3. If it is correct, then press: "Post this message"

I hope this helps and will mean less work for me to look out for and correct mistakes.

Larry

=

Thanks, Larry (our sometimes spokesperson) for the enlightenment; these three top troubleshooting tips are marvellous.

Nevertheless, more things we must remember when posting to the Forum:

1. When Meyran Kraus has an anagram nominated within a particular category, you might as well not bother posting your pointless one - as he will win the competition himself!

2. Note: please check both the archives prior to being tempted to post discoveries like "A carton of cigarettes - I got a taste for cancer", "A ten-inch dick - Nice and thick" and "Astronomer - Moon-starer."

3. Larry will prohibit, or even remove without comment, bothersome posts (like this unwholesome abomination) that attempt to anagram his messages.

Best wishes,
Adrian.

 

AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
A school nativity play =
So plan a holy activity.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
International Airports =
Airline transportation.

 

MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't. =
Ho ho! The sharp-eyed nerd! How wonderful not to be trained to speak in 1's and 0's.

 

LONG CATEGORY, January 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with: [A poem by George Crabbe (17541832)]
The Marriage

The ring, so worn as you behold,
So thin, so pale, is yet of gold:
The passion such it was to prove--
Worn with life's care, love yet was love.

=

Suppose it's Over

Though it was brilliant, yet it's tarnished now,
The wooing's gone, also the former vow.
A horoscope says "Away he'll flee."
D. I. V. O. R. C. E.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Tarzan's Cheetah's Life As A Retired Movie Star

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2004:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
A perfectionist =
I often practise.

 

ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"On the Origin of Species" by Charles Darwin =
Chronicle brings new ideas of ape history.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2004:
eq.1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Ten things you didn't know:

1. Frying pan fumes can kill canaries, according to the Worldwide Fund for Nature.

2. Bill Clinton sent just two e-mails while he was president.

3. Ken Livingstone, the mayor of London, has got solar panels fitted on the roof of his Cricklewood home.

4. Whales can explode - a dead sperm whale this week exploded in Taiwan, showering blood and body parts on passers-by. Marine biologists blamed it on a build-up of gases inside the whale.

5. More than a quarter of UK households have no savings, according to statistics revealed this week.

6. Pets will be eligible for frequent flier points on Japanese airline JAL from March. The points will be exchangeable for cage rentals on board, as well as gifts.

7. The man who invented Ctrl+Alt+Delete retired on Friday. David Bradley, 55, spent five minutes writing the computer code that has helped bail out millions of PC users, while working for IBM in the 1980s. "I may have invented it, but Bill Gates made it famous," Bradley said.

8. 70% of mobile phone owners in the UK have pre-pay models.

9. Cunning bargain hunters are roaming Ebay looking for misspelled goods which attract hardly any bids because they don't turn up in text searches. One man bought three Compaq laptops at a pittance simply by asking for "Compacts" instead.

10. Brits drank 35% more champagne in bars and pubs in 2003 than in the year before.

=

Ten things that are blindingly obvious:

1. Eight out of ten sophisticated cannibals think late German towns-people taste better.

2. Regardless of wunderkind heart-throb Johnny Depp's distinguished performance, and the wonderful fight scenes within, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of the Black Pearl" is not quite as good as most people think.

3. Bird-spotters (or twitchers) are quite dull, especially when waxing lyrical about waxwings or whip-poor-wills (which are related to goat-suckers).

4. Decaffeinated coffee is an oxymoron. It is also a flavour-free, unjustifiable, damnable and wretched drink.

5. Udders (cow-boobs) are downright odd; milking cows using one's hands feels fantastic, and the cows like it, too, no doubt.

6. The shrewd, inventive Professor Colin Pillinger (who is still hoping to hear back from embattled Beagle II, abandoned on Martian earth) has incredible, offensive, unfathomably over-developed sideburns.

7. A 'quintillion' is an elephantine, mammoth number. (That's a momentous lot of pachyderm.)

8. Bloated plungers who demonstrate undisciplined belly-flopping will earn few diving medals at the Athens Olympics.

9. 85570039 is exactly divisible by 53.

10. "The Royal Shakespeare Company" is an anagram of "One may appear there as Shylock"; composed by Meyran Kraus in June 2001, this won best overall anagram in the Grand Anagrammies.

 

OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Castle, knight, armour... =
King Arthur's Camelot.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2004:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Ironic by Alanis Morissette

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2004:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
A knight in armour =
I am no King Arthur.

 

PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Surrealist Salvador Dali =
All art's a visual disorder.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2004:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Theological discussions =
Go inside Catholics' souls.

 

ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
The Harry Potter series of movies =
Three stories, more heavy profits.

 

RUDE CATEGORY, June 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Teenagers (boys) ~
get easy boners.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2004:
eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Eyes naturally show ~
she really wants you.

 

TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2004:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
US Election Day
Easily counted.

 

ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2005:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Academy Award nominees =
Cinema nowadays... Dear me!

 

RUDE CATEGORY, March 2005:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Relationship expert =
Rotten sex? I help pair.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2005:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Thai food =
A hot Fido.

 

MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2005:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation" by Lynne Truss =
Bet proven author's style can train us to analyze & use the apostrophe, colons, etc.

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Ancient armour on ~
a Roman Centurion.

 

SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
An Austrian Army

GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2007:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Home brewery =
Why? More beer!

 

PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2008:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
US President-elect Barack Obama =
Democrats take Republican base.

 

OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2008:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
The Flat Earth Society =
Cite that false theory.

 

ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2009:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
The accordion =
Chaotic drone.

 

AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, December 2009:
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh =
Three Kings offer damn fancy things, Lord!

 

AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, February 2010:
Adrian Hickford with:
I am hornier, 'cos ~
I'm a rhinoceros!

 

GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2014:
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Tennis swing =
Winning sets.

 

Table of All-Time Winners


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