Anagrammy Winners by Larry Brash

All the winning anagrams by Larry Brash from the Anagrammy Awards.

NAME CATEGORY, April 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Bjoern Yngve Eidsvik =
Joke: virgins envy bed.


1st - Larry Brash with:
This is a completely legitimate money-making phenomenon. =
Oh! He emit illegal, money-costing spam! I'm inept - money taken!


1st - Larry Brash with:
President Suharto =
Disaster up throne.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum =
A virgo intacta and a mum? Presume a lie!


1st - Larry Brash with:
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
Is a befitting quote from one of Shakespeare's greatest tragedies. But why won't Hamlet's inspiring motto toss our stubborn hero's tortuous battle for life, on one hand, and death, on another?

eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Diana, The Princess of Wales =
Elton's idea is crap. He fawns.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Fellow of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists =
Why call? We all feel satisfied Prozac is not all that dangerous for anyone.

1st - Larry Brash with:
Religion is the opium of the masses =
Sometimes, if theologian is pusher.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare =
Hamlet, Othello, Caesar irk. We skip few poems.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Worldwide Church of God =
Which drug fooled crowd?


SPAM CATEGORY, September 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Make five dollars into thousands; it's easy!! =
He'd earn us vast millions? Say it to sod: "Fake!"


LONG CATEGORY, September 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"A picture had better be worth a thousand words - it takes up more disk space." =
Did Shakespeare author this absurd utterance? Top-rated post, Mick. We bow.


1st - Larry Brash with:
And they lived happily ever after =
Help end the very vapid fairy tale.


SPAM CATEGORY, November 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"Look at this. This may be the most significant letter you receive this year!!" =
"Hi, these scams are not legal, you shitty trickster. Ye be a thief. I vomit on it!"


TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
TIME's "Men of the Year" =
They met; remain foes.


RUDE CATEGORY, February 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Coitus interruptus =
Cunt users rip it out!


1st - Larry Brash with:
Florence Nightingale =
Angel of the reclining.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Milosevic =
'Cos I'm evil.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Three Stooges: Larry, Curly and Moe =
Actors? Lord, they're an ugly threesome!


TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Medicinal marijuana =
A cure? I'm in a damn jail.


SPAM CATEGORY, October 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Here's A great place to find everything you need for business and Christmas. =
Send in cash? Gad! Get your very shit-brained spam off Usenet, arsehole-cretin.


GENERAL CATEGORY, November 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Anagramming is a waste of fucking time =
We are kings of magic mutatings. I'm a fan.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The London Planetarium =
Earthmen, I land on Pluto.


GENERAL CATEGORY, December 1999:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
I love cats. They taste just like chicken. =
I ate those juicy kittens? Heck! Call vets!


LONG CATEGORY, December 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
On the Twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.


I've anagrammed:
Twenty-three assorted birds (no wrens),
Seventeen attractive, if slim, young women (all giggling virgins),
Twenty-three amplified musicians ("The Mime Prodigies"),
Ten lavish upper-class gentlemen (all mad springing freaks),
Five pure gold rings for a hand (no lead),
And even eight cows (real mixed-up herd).


1st - Larry Brash with:
Thomas Alva Edison =
Aha! Ions made volts!


RUDE CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Does a Scotsman wear anything under his kilt? =
Din not know, Mr. Huge testicles and a hairy ass?


1st - Larry Brash with:
Gastroenterologist =
I let go torrents o' gas.


1st - Larry Brash with:
You can earn $50,000 or more in the next 90 days sending e-mail. Seem impossible? Read on for details.
Dear friends,
I lost all my money, i.e. exceeding $9,500,000, on this one spam. I am one true-born sad-arse.


1st - Larry Brash with:
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the Freedom of Man.
A youthful, affluent Kennedy, on accession, he asks aloud: we, both domestic and world communities, try to look for a way to unify for the Common Good of All, rather than worry away at your cozy corner of the turf.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Harley Davidson Motorcycles =
Very costly old road machines.


3rd - Larry Brash with:
And Did Those Feet in Ancient Time


1st - Larry Brash with:
A hidden camera follows the prom queen and her date back to their motel room. You get to see it all! =
ALERT!! (Read me!):
Abandon hope all ye who enter here! It's rot, a load of old shit etc! Get me out quick, Mom!


SPAM CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Regret? O, I'm lying. I really meant to send it. I'm a low-life, depraved, crazy spammer who scams, too. Priority? I try to get your cash.


LONG SPAM CATEGORY, September 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Hello everybody,

I offer you to start earning money today only by reading your email. Maybe it looks imposibile but it is not, 'cause you know how much money is spent by large companies to promote something and emails you'll recive are just sent to promote large companies and their products. Each message will contain one usefull link which should be clicked to add money to your account. The check is delivered to your adress every month.

to sign up..


I suspected when I read this something was unreal or wrong with it, but no, I ignored my gut feelings and tried it out. Oh, boy, my big silly mistake!

I checked out the cool websites like it says. They must have had some powerful software to read my hard drive and soon stole our credit card numbers. No crap!

You have no conception of my silly, silly, behaviour! Audited? O, I am completely broke! I must accept my money's gone. No cool jackpot! O, no more! No 1,259,720 pence! No - none!


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Bronte Sisters, Anne, Charlotte and Emily =
Celebrate many stories set in the North land.


RUDE CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Missionary Position =
Say, I insist I'm on top o' her.


SPAM CATEGORY, December 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Does Financial Freedom Interest You? =
O, it's a scam, you indolent reefer-fiend.


1st - Larry Brash with:
This is how to really make money!
Attend the high school for 6 years.
Move to university for another 4 years.
Maybe with some postgraduate training (Ph.D.?)
Duly obtain a position.
Make $60,000 initially.
Work consistently, week in week out.
Thus, achieve success.


eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Antonio Stradivarius of Cremona, Italy =
Famous or rare violins in an attic today?


SPAM CATEGORY, March 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment
Slash you credit card interest rates down to zero =
More bloody rancorous spam! Who'll end it?
Today's latest count is another ninety trillion deletes. Crazy!


LONG CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Two households, both alike in dignity


1st - Larry Brash with:
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 1st 20 BE ORDAINED NOW!

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!

Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

What a special way to welcome a child of God.

The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!!

Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock.

After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!

At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.

Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.

For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!


Larry Brash, Awardsmaster of the Anagrammy Website, will transform you into an award winning anagrammer in 2 hours, not 2 days or 2 months!

As a worthy practitioner of this ancient art, you will soon be creating terrific new rearrangements of everything from simple words through to huge bodies of verse, such as the Complete Works of William Shakespeare.

Surprise your friends! Realize your worth! Get your true recognition. Be a terrific success! Get that promotion at work! Become a red hot lover! See dotty women fight over you!

You can win every category yet, yes, all 9 of them, on your first attempt!

Create beautiful fun cognate gems of 10 letters or less, one that nobody, not even Treesong will find in his archives, even going back to 1893. No corrections!

Your terrific efforts crucify Mey Kraus's clever art critic 'grams. By now, he seems quite a total Philistine.

Tom Myers is now completely chronic, Yesterday City, too out of date, at least 1992 or longer, after you get through with him.

Be more disgusting than David Bourke, criticising idiotic fruity poofters and insulting women's genitalia with every winner. Concoct erotic, dirty, itchy-crotch, orifice-fornicating shit.

Oh, boy! Turn those unwanted corny advertising cons and horrifying Get-Rich-Now schemes into nice nutritious spamagrams.

If it is 40 letters or 1000 letters, it will make no difference, you will astound even Richard Brodie.

Coy Ms. Burholt will eat her heart out, too, when she sees the efficient concoctions that you could come up with here in these two categories.

Now this is where you will really outshine the rest. Come first! Mike Keith and Richard Grantham, they are a choice pair of buffoonish semi-literate fools compared to you.

This offer is genuine. No hidden conditions.

How do I do it? Do you have to pay up before I can give you the forty or fifty scientific secrets, which I hold?

What would you consider this would cost? Is this $5000? $850? $50? $10?

No! It's FREE!

Read the FAQ!


1st - Larry Brash with:
Ladies' underpanties =
Splendid arse, Auntie!


1st - Larry Brash with:
Accident-proneness - Psychopathological Theory. Mythology or reality?

W. K. Dunbar (1900-59) found that 500 people who had more than one work accident were more likely, statistically, to experience another one than those who never had accidents. Other early research, with outmoded methodology, showed why some people are more prone toward this than others (D. W. Wood, 1930).

Tom Woulf looked at why the "accident-prone person" often was foolhardy, impulsive, drawn to adventure, thrill seeking and excitement. Woulf proved that "he is often in search of immediate pleasure, and was rarely able to postpone gratification".... "He does not know how to look ahead, follow a plan and often harbours projection or strong resentment against authority figures" (Woulf, 1950). This rebellion, one response to strict upbringing in mid-childhood, is "likely to stem from punitive parenting, too" (Don Poweth, 1990): "He grows up being thwarted, unable to tolerate discipline, not even when that self-discipline is required for one's own safety". His inner rules and failed self-control provoke him to "a powerful fight-flight reaction" (Woulf).

Many studies (P. Meek; B. Welpe; V. Mupa; L. Hoi) with a badly designed methodology, demonstrated that most, if not all, accidents are unconsciously intended. In other words, many of these accidents were "undoubtedly a form of acting out" (Meek). The most frequent underlying negative motive might be "guilt, a death-wish or guilt-related self-punitive rage" (Woulf) The physical injury, psychological suffering, low mood, general discomfort and inconvenience, brought about by the accident, are experienced as punishment and will relieve the guilt feeling, at least temporarily (D. B. Wooten, 1923). That type of defence may be interpreted as the primary gain. The secondary gain may be the need to avoid responsibility or work, to be looked after, to obtain money or profit, or just to get attention from other people.

Woulf and Wood both recommended psychotherapy as the preferred treatment method, but, as yet, there is no good thoughtful study to confirm the benefit of these attempts.


My insurance company asked me for more information regarding my work related accident claim. This was my response:

"I can explain why I put down 'poor planning' as the main cause of my accident.

I was working on the top of a 190-foot tower. I had just completed my work, when I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of assorted tools. Rather than carry all of them back down by hand, I decided to lower these items using a pulley. Securing a rope at ground level, I went to the very top of the tower and then loaded the tools into a small barrow. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in question 19 of the accident report that I weigh 159 pounds.

Due to my complete surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 95-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until my fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. I regained my presence of mind and I was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in question 19.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 95-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. That encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools, so only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 190 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope..."


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Impressionist painter, Claude Monet =
He attempts intense colour. I am inspired.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Dear Friend:

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May God Bless You,
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E-mail address:
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Dear Disciple of the Evil One,

Get your copy of "The Best of the Witches' Evil Spells" CD-ROM from Satanic Software, out now for every evil crone, intern wizard and occult practitioner, associate or pupil.

Create special spells to put a hex upon your enemies. Impress your business associates. Use your own initiative to become an ace expert in any black magic, Voodoo, sorcery, witchcraft, necromancy, devil worship, demonology, vampires, spirit possession, goblins, and pixies at the bottom of our garden.

The CD contains an impressive incantation list, including every spell to do in rich ill Uncle Ernie, who remembered you in his will, but who's too slow at dying. It won't appear to be a murder. It'll seem this old nonentity had a painless heart attack.

Caste a spell on any ninny. Yes, even Elvis Presley.
Permanently cripple your insane nephew or slip one's penis in your nice cute niece, nineteen.
Poison your myopic grandmother, ninety.
Damage your vile ex-husband's new sports car.
Slip Elle McPherson a love potion.
Recklessly immolate your useless spouse.
Turn your clueless little brother into Richard Grantham's pet llama.

Create an entire new career as an eerie sorcerer. It is easy as sin!

No, it is not expensive. Yes, this is exceptional value for just $666.00

Here is one easy demo piece to evaluate:

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake.
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat and slips of yew
Sliver'd in the moon eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of a birth-strangled babe
Ditch deliver'd by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.


eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Christopher Skase =
He has sick reports.


1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Mac and Fries Eat-out Site.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Osama bin Laden =
A bad man (no lies).


SPAM CATEGORY, November 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration of all.

Select your field of study from business, computers, engineering, education, the sciences, liberal arts, fine arts, social sciences, history, literature, languages, or any other discipline.

No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.

All levels of diplomas awarded - including bachelors, masters, PhD's, and MBA's.

Save Thousands on Tuition Fees!!!

Open enrollment means that you are already accepted into this unique program.

CALL NOW to receive your diploma within days!!!


Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Sundays and holidays.



Let's get this plan quite clear in my mind.

What you're supposedly saying is:
You'd give me completely fake qualifications, the holders of which fraudulently use to seamlessly obtain valued, well-paid positions, suspiciously false awards and it'd earn considerable income?

I'll order one for a brain surgeon.

There's a Mayo Clinic consultant neurosurgeon position vacant and I'd like to obtain it, even in the absence of a basic medical degree or the knowledge of functional and structural central nervous system anatomy, the diseases and syndromes, pills, doses, radical Swiss head operations, surgical procedures, instruments, or paraphernalia.

"Dr" Larry.



LONG CATEGORY, December 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Angram research

Single-Letter Retrieval Cues for Anagram Solution. (Statistical Data Included) KENNETH L. WITTE; JOEL S. FREUND.

Full Text: COPYRIGHT 2001 Heldref Publications

ABSTRACT. Anagram solution, as related to single-letter retrieval cues and first letter of the solution word (consonant or vowel), was examined. In Experiment 1, college-aged solvers were presented both types of 5-letter words and either the first letter of the solution word as a cue, or no cue. In Experiment 2, the effects of four types of retrieval cues (first, middle, or last letter or no cue) upon solving consonant-beginning words was examined. Finally, Experiment 3 examined the solution of both types of solution words as related to the preceding four types of retrieval cues. The results of all 3 experiments showed that a single letter can be an effective cue. For consonant-beginning words, the middle and last letters were as effective as the first letter. For vowel-beginning words, the first letter was more effective than either the middle or last letter. It was concluded that solvers select one letter of the anagram, typically a consonant, to serve as the first letter of the solution word, and then rear range the remaining letters.


I don't believe it!

We went to the trouble of doing this exciting postdoctoral research on anagrams, then when we sent it to alt.anagrams, I spelt the most important title word (anagram) wrong! A horrendous typo! How embarrassing!

Except the little regretful error, I still felt that the devotees of alt.anagrams would find it an exceptional article and, in effect, a good learning experience. I'm eager to read everyone's opinions. Feel free to tell us:

Larry Brash: "Now, which of you useless overeducated college idiots wrote this moronic stuff?"
David Bourke: "Well, it'll need a ton of effing rude ones. None? Then shove off, fat tosser!"
Richard Grantham: "Utter nonsense! Results of the all tests contain errors."
Walter Newboldt: "i felt its terrific wonderful clever droll stuff except i fell asleep reading it. Still need volunteers?"
Dan Fortier: "It's rotten, total crap, feces, etc. etc. etc."
Janet Burholt: "An extreme time waster. Never send any further ones of these."
Ernesto Guiraldes: "It's academic claptrap. The worst test I've seen; no contest."
D.A. Green: "Some ass fondler gave a grant to study this over-rated excrement?"
M. Tully: "It's awful senseless shit! Expect very little talent there!"
O. bin Laden: "Suffer, troll! 135,223,001 curses on the infidel!"


1st - Larry Brash with:
The late George Harrison =
Singer: Altogether a hero.


GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
Inhaled, contrary to ban.


1st - Larry Brash with:
International Space Station =
It is not a pleasant container.


RUDE CATEGORY, March 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Oral stimulation of the penis =
Fellatio's proteins in a mouth.


SPAM CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The World's #1 On-line Pharmacy

Order from the convenience of your home!

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Zyban (Quit Smoking)

And much more!

Click on the link below to get to the site.

Do you want EVERYONE to know your business?




We move the lot:

Marijuana (get stoned!)
Top quality brown Turkish hash (blow it!)
Heroin (mainline hit in the vein or snort in nostril)
Crack or coke (Oh, mercy!)
Ecstasy (extreme!)
LSD (big deals!)
Speed (fucking criminal!)
Uppers (high!)
Downers (12 sorts!)
Peyote (excel-lent!)
Magic mushrooms (very whacked!)
Various opiates (feel amazing!)





1st - Larry Brash with:
The actress Mae West =
Cast me, sweethearts.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Detoxification and Rehabilitation Centre =
I coax another infantile beer addict into it.


1st - Larry Brash with:

- D-BOL - WINNI-V - EQUIPOSE - GHB - and More!


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*Our sincere love and prayers go out to all of the familys and individuals that were touched by the horrible acts committed against our country. And also for our soldiers who are now defending this great land.


Here's a few of the most common side effects of consuming anabolic steroids:

1. If you are a crack male bodybuilder, your prick and balls will shrivel up to baby size, and I don't mean 8 pounds and 21 inches long. Breasts will grow large, like the charming boobs of Pamela Anderson.

2. If you are a crack female bodybuilder, the clitoris will flower, swell up like a squashed ugly salami, breasts will shrink and voice will drop 2 octaves to a low awful growl.

3. The liver will become quite cirrhotic, black, necrotic, or worse, a cancerous growth.

4. All your 62 Anagrammy Awards get scrubbed or cancelled.

5. Get knobbled for dealing in illegal goods and end charged in court or confined in jail.

6. Begin to send millions of childish wretched spams to the World's 134,456,789 bored Internet users.

7. The screwball spam will include extensive prompts about removal from the list that the reader never asked to go on in the first place. All it'll do is confirm the innocent readers' email's correct and, in a flash, you can sell them to another bloody "opt-in" list.

8. You could add a clever concept, a proud patriotic tag to the end of the email to make you look like a nice, warm, decent person, not a dumb spamming creep/evil drug dealer who thinks that all 134,456,789 Internet users live in the USA.



1st - Larry Brash with:
An "Eagle" lands on Earth's moon, making a first small permanent footprint.


1st - Larry Brash with: [The Constellations]
Andromeda, Antlia, Apus, Aquarius, Aquila, Ara, Aries, Auriga, Bootes, Caelum, Camelopardalis, Cancer, Canes Venatici, Canis Major, Canis Minor, Capricornus, Carina, Cassiopeia, Centaurus, Cepheus, Cetus, Chamaeleon, Circinus, Columba, Coma Berenices, Corona Australis, Corona Borealis, Corvus, Crater, Crux, Cygnus, Delphinus, Dorado, Draco, Equuleus, Eridanus, Fornax, Gemini, Grus, Hercules, Horologium, Hydra, Hydrus, Indus, Lacerta, Leo, Leo Minor, Lepus, Libra, Lupus, Lynx, Lyra, Mensa, Microscopium, Monoceros, Musca, Norma, Octans, Ophiuchus, Orion, Pavo, Pegasus, Perseus, Phoenix, Pictor, Pisces, Picis Austrinus, Puppis, Pyxis, Reticulum, Sagitta, Sagittarius, Scorpius, Sculptor, Scutum, Serpens, Sextans, Taurus, Telescopium, Triangulum, Trangulum Australe, Tucana, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Vela, Virgo, Volans, Vulpecula.


This is a list of eighty-eight constellations, all-up, visible on Earth, up in space's vacuum.

Astronomers in ancient Greece, Arabia, Mexico and Asia, and exploring Caucasian mariners observed, mapped and gave each star group arcane names - mercurial superhuman heroes, mythological creatures and various curious animals.

Polaris to Arcturus to Spica to Southern Cross; a complex panoramic circle. Our opus excludes pure spiral nebulae, quasi-circular galaxies, ubiquitous pulsars, unusual quasars, major planets or uncommon moons.

Spurious astrologers, vacuous gurus, paranoiac psychics, and manic mediums loudly murmur, as usual, auspicious star signs or particular unusual conjunctions, can exactly predict, ruin, or cure our capricious lives or mess 'em up. Many peculiar accuracies occur.


SPAM CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:

Need a new driver's license?

Too many points or other trouble?

Just want a license that can never be suspended?

Want an ID for nightclubs or hotel check-in?

Avoid tickets, fines, and mandatory driver's education?

Protect your privacy, and hide your identity.

The United Nations gave you the privilege to be driving freely throughout the world! (The Convention on International Road Traffic of 1949, & World Court Decision, The Hague, The Netherlands).

Take advantage of your rights. Order an International Driver's Licence that will never be suspended or revoked.

Confidentiality is assured


We await your call 7 days per week, 24 hours per day, including weekends and holidays.


An on-duty police officer pulled over a car and told its driver as he had been wearing a seatbelt, he'd automatically win over $1,949,724 in the National Driver Safety Competition.

"What are you going to do with your winnings?" said the officer.

"In truth, I reckon I'll try and get a valid driver's license again," he replied innocently.

"Dear Lord, no! Don't listen to that rotten idiot!" voiced his rotund curvy wife in the passenger's seat. "He's a real jerk when he's blind drunk!"

A very stoned cousin in the back, roused out of narcotic sleep, frowned at the cop very nervously and groaned, "Run, run! I knew we'd get us arrested and convicted in a stolen car!"

Suddenly, a tiny voice in the trunk, called out in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"



SPAM CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
From the ethnobotanical herbalists who brought the herba supplementals; Kathmandu Temple Kiff "1" & "2" "Personal-Choice", pipe-smoking products/substances to the common market!!!

We are finally able to offer for your "Sensitive/Responsive", "Personal Choice" Smoking Enjoyment.the "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ Pipe-Smoking Substance Supplemental Product. Introduced after three years of research and development; Temple "3" is "Personal Choice" legal Smoking/Indulgence.Redefined!!!

Thanks to recent, dramatic, technological advances in the laboratorial processes for the extraction of alkaloid and glycocide supplements from botanicals/herbas/plant matter, we are now able to offer. in more cultivated/enhanced/viripotent/substantiated format.what had actually already been the most significant, lawful, "Personal Choice" smoking substance available on the planet. "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ is the sweet, sweet evolution of all of that.


To all Bob Marley Wannabes and white Weekend Rastafarians who want to smoke pot and avoid charges from members of the State Police Department, huge long jail sentences, the menace of random urine drug tests back at work, AND appear very cool and clever to your friends , then here's that ultimate product, the thing for you.

Looks like dope, smells like dope, tastes like dope, even makes you cough like dope, but, in fact, you'll never ever get stoned. It happens to be a complete placebo with little or no sedative effects. Might as well be inhaling grass clippings, common catnip, tea, or animal's crap for all it'll ever do. Can't get a bhang from this cheap stuff. Call it a complete cannabis sativa substitute, stone-free sham marihuana, no-high hash, non-commercial-strength common hemp. No examples of active tetrahydrocannabinol traces have ever been found.

The Surgeon General tells people that this flaming crap creates financial side-effects. Please, don't get burnt!



GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Electro-Convulsive Therapy =
Pray the volts cure violence.


SPAM CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Safe Sex Shell + Condom = Total Protection

The Safe Sex Shell is a circular plastic shell with a protrusive hole on the center. See

This product is to be used in combination with a condom. The protrusion wraps around the mouth of the condom, holding securely in place, thereby reducing the likelihood of it falling off.

Whereas condoms only cover parts of the penis from contact with body fluids, the shell joins together with the condom to protect the entire penis and surrounding areas, further eliminating the risk of contagion. The protrusion also produces a tension around the penis, reducing the blood flow and increasing the duration of erection.

The small protrusions around the center protrusion touch the female, let her feel more happy.

The Safe Sex Shell is invented by Mr. Lin Hua and got patent. Mr. Lin Hua wishes to cooperate with you to promote the product to world. If you are interested in the product, you can contact


Dear Mr Hua

I'm writing to complain about your product, the gizmo that one puts on one's erect penis to keep the condom on, less I end up with STD, and, if we do screw, so I can thrill the girlfriend. The Sex Shell thing...

True, it has worked just as you said, as we both had fine sex, until a few unexpected side effects occurred. The main one is I can't get the shell off!

It's been on for four months. I've managed to cut a hole in the french letter so I can finally have a piss. However, I got this chronic priapism, one permanent erection, an chronic boner, one constant hardon, the total opposite to erectile impotence. The head and whole length of the shaft's this purple colour, hot, and seriously hurts. I'm worried it could turn out to be my old penis, not the condom, that will drop off! The stench's totally putrid (people are now recoiling).

Truth is I'm hopelessly stuffed.

Should I see an expert doctor, a clinic or the urology hospital or not?

How about a return, refund or court costs?

Larry 'Eunuch' Brash



SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Brash,

I am barrister Godwin Ezechukwua solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr David Brash, who used to work with shell development company in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.

On the 21st of April 1999, my client, his wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confisicated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. particularly, the New Nigeria Bank (NNB) Plc where the deceased had an account valued at about 10million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confisicated.

Since i have been unsuccesfull in locating the the relatives for over 2 years now i seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at 10million dollars can be paid to you and then you and i can share the money. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this dealt through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

Please reply me by this email for security to enable us discuss further.

Best regards, Godwin Ezechukwu (esq)


Dearest Counsellor Ezechukwu

It's with great sadness and shock that I received your news about my much beloved Uncle David and family's deaths. I'd long wondered why I had not had news from him these last three years but I had no idea that he and the family had met such a tragic end.

How I'll miss Uncle and his quite lovely creative wife, Kathy, and beautiful teenage children Anna and Aaron and lovely baby Erica. I can only hope that their terrible deaths were swift and painless.

Uncle David often spoke of the trip to Nigeria in his letters to me, as his nephew (one only living relative). As you may know, he travelled there excitedly to secure the large amount of money that had been offered to him in the email from the Royal Family of Chief Soebo killed during a coup.

We were puzzled and it concerned us that it was a sort of scam and tried to talk Uncle out of taking his family to your beauteous country, but your reliable news confirms that he received the money and that his decision was the correct one. Uncle also spoke at great length of the great honesty of the peaceful Nigerian people, in particular the respectable, impeccable lawyers and his obvious trust in them. Your most agreeable email proves that this trust was correctly placed.

Your kind gift of all these millions of dollars exceeds all expectations. It occurs at a very providential time. I have been quite down on my luck, have no assets, am about to be evicted, and, in essence, become homeless. Hence, under the current circumstances I require that you can post me, at once, an urgent electronic advance to cure the pressing overheads that have been troubling me recently, to cover all court case costs, reasonable retainer and search fees, special taxes, various incidentals, etc.

Please excuse my haste,

Sincere best wishes,


Larry Brash.


SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
INTRODUCTION: l am Mrs. Eki Omorodion l know this proposal will come to you as a surprise because we have not met before either physically or through correspondence. I have no doubt in your ability to handle this proposal involving huge sum of money.

THE SUBJECT: MY HUSBAND CHIEF JOSEPH OMORODION (Now Late) was the Royal Head of my Community, JESSE (an oil rich town) in Nigeria. My late husband's community produces 3.5% of the total crude oil production in Nigeria and 0.5% of the Dollar value of each barrel is paid to my husband as royalty by the Federal Government.

My husband was also the Chairman of OMPADEC, Jesse branch. In his position as the Royal head and Chairman of the OMPADEC, Jesse branch, he made some money which he left for me and our children as the only thing to inherit. The money is Twelve Million US Dollars ($12M).

Though this said fund accumulated between the period 1976-1998. Due to poor banking system in Nigeria and political instability as a result of past Military rules (1985-1999), he deposited this Money in a Strong Room/safe with an open beneficiary in Apex Bank of Nigeria pending when he would finish arrangement to transfer it abroad as a CONTRACT PAYMENT. He was planning this when he died late last year of Heart Attack.

THE PROPOSAL: Just before my husband died he called my attention to the money and charged me to look for a foreigner who would assist me in the transfer / investment of the funds abroad. So l would be very grateful if you could accept to help me archieve this great objective.

I promise to give you 20% of the total funds transferred to your vital bank account as compensation for your assistance. Five percent (5%) would be set aside to take care of all expenses we may incure during the transaction. To indicate your interest, contact me urgently and confidentially for more information and the roles you will play in this business. All the legal information concerning this Money will be sent to you as soon as we agree together.

Send your reply through this mail box, or see the note below

Yours faithfully, MRS. Eki Omorodion.

N.B I will like you to provide me immediately with your full names, telephone and fax numbers to enable my eldest son Whyte Omorodion to contact you. He shall handle this transaction from A-Z on behalf of the family. Alternatively you can call him on his telephone numbers 234-1-7761459, 873-762-533-730, fax 873-762-533-731. Ask him for the code and he shall respond GOODLUCK before discussion. Just to be sure that you are speaking to him.


Dear Mrs Omorodion,

Thank you for your polite email. I'm sorry to hear about the sudden and unexpected death of your husband. I extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I'm sure that your noble husband was a phenomenal man and I'd also feel that he would be proud of this humane project, too.

To me, it's sad to see how many black African leaders are murdered or die under suspicious circumstances each year, judging from the large number of these emails that are sent by their widows, remaining family members, and little children, hoping to relocate their funds in a safe place overseas. My heart goes out to those who lose dear ones in such a way.

Occasionally I also have noticed that there are many top Nigerian government officials who misjudged their budgets, to have been in that spot, predominantly by "over-invoicing", and who are keen to share their good fortune with smart people overseas. In short, such generosity amazes me. However, it concerns me that transfer of such vast sums of money may injure the economy of your countries in Africa. Still, I suppose they know what they're doing. No doubt, many international investors will excitedly pool millions in funds into your country to balance this, such is the trust that they would have of the integrity of the unimpeachable Nigerian Government and a handful of capable businessmen controlling the boom's potential profit.

I download many emails from capable Nigerian lawyers and dedicated councillors spending many hours looking for family members of deceased white foreigners, again to possibly share the wealth left behind. I had to sadly reject their offers, as I was not actually related to the deceased. In my judgement, it would seem dishonest of me to exploit the solicitor's human mistake. We're all guilty of the occasional foolish booboo.

Luckily, the Nigerian nation has come up a long way since the violent years of abhorrent British and European white colonial control. In my opinion, it appears that the population of your land has put the problems behind them, so I'm hoping that the national outlook is all optimism.

If you've no objection, please send my money, exactly one billion dollars, as bullion, small bills or as a check payable to a worthy charity, namely the "Foundation for Underprivileged Children of Kenya - Overseas Food Fund", better known by the acronym "F.U.C.K. - O.F.F.", of which I'm just the humble president.


Larry Brash


2nd - Larry Brash with:
ESP is most commonly known as the "sixth sense." It is sensory information that an individual receives which comes beyond the ordinary five senses sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. It can provide the individual with information of the present, past, and future; as it seems to originate in a second, or alternate reality.


The term "ESP" was used in 1870 by Sir Richard Burton. A French researcher, Dr. Paul Joire, in 1892 used the term ESP to describe the ability of person who had been hypnotized or were in a trance state to externally sense things without using their ordinary senses.

However, the phenomena of ESP activity has been indicated much earlier, some say even in Biblical times. Although there is no clear evidence as to the certainty of the phenomena it has attracted the attention and enthusiasm of many throughout the centuries.

In the 1920's a Munich ophthalmologist, Dr. Rudolph Tischner, used ESP in describing the "externalization of sensibility." Then in the 1930s the American parapsychologist J. B. Rhine popularized the term to include psychic phenomena similar to sensory functions. Rhine was among the first parapsychologists to test ESP phenomena in the laboratory.

The first systematic study of ESP was conducted in 1882, when the Society for Psychical Research was founded n London. The journals of this society Proceedings and Journal were published as well as other publications in the United States and the Netherlands. Soon other countries were reporting similar findings.

However, these first studies of ESP were rarely experimental. The studies consisted of mostly spontaneous incidents that were located. Many of the individuals studied were self-claimed "sensitives" or psychics. Rarely were they examined under anything resembling laboratory conditions. The researchers conducting the examinations resembled prosecuting lawyers. The subjects were bombarded with questions, those standing up the best were judged creditable.


Steve approaches a bus stop and notices a man waiting there. He says, "do you have any idea when the next bus is due?" The man replies that it will be here in three minutes and thirty-four seconds.

"How can you be so definite that it'll be in exactly three minutes and thirty-four seconds?"

The man replies: "Just wait and you will see." Sure enough, three minutes and thirty-four seconds later, at the precise second, the bus stops by the curb.

Steve is puzzled, but dismisses it cynically: "Crap! In my opinion, I consider that it occurred only as a coincidence... an error".

"No error", the man informs him. "The next bus will be here in exactly three minutes and fifty-nine seconds". Again the bus appears exactly on time, correctly as he had predicted. He repeats the feat for the following three buses, each specific one appears right on time.

Steve's amazed and he tells the man that is just startling. He's never seen anything concerning this before. "Just how did you happen to find this?"

The man replies: "It is called ESP".

Baffled, he replies, "And just what is that?"

The man indicates it means Extrasensory Perception.

Steve, convinced that there is something in this, cries:

"Wow, this is real cool! I wonder if I can learn it, too? I want to be able to do it and impress people".

"Sure, no problem. I'll teach you this rare secret. Just come down this lane with me".

They go down the lane. The man tells him to drop his trousers.

"No chance, don't be silly!" he cries. The man dismisses his concerns, "you can trust me, friend; it is quite harmless; don't be worried". He drops his pants very cautiously.

"Now bend over".

Horrified, he screams "NO, Stupid! Sorry, no way am I going to do that!"

"Nonsense! Don't worry! It is alright; trust me, friend; don't panic, sir, do not; I'm sincere indeed".

He bends over warily and, as fast as lightning, the man drops his trousers and rips his stiff penis hard into Steve's arse in a second, before he can react.

Steve cries in horror. "SHIT! I JUST KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT!"

The man replies "See, there you go, you're getting the hang of it already."


1st - Larry Brash with:
Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda, mu, nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega. =
I'll aim to applaud this amazing Greek alphabet. Text, in common use, might appear as: "euthanasia", "utopia", "phobia", "diploma", "coma".


1st - Larry Brash with:
"It was once believed that a million monkeys at a million keyboards would eventually type the works of Shakespeare, but the Internet has since disproved this theory."
Instead, we only have to tolerate useless spam like: "Make Money Fast!"; "Buy Online Holiday!"; "Total Help with Debt!" "Have Harder Erections!"; or "Visit Kinky Dutch Porn Websites!"


RUDE CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud =
Halt fancying Mother's pussy, Dude.


2nd - Larry Brash with:
It is easier for a camel to through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. =
Something of a cheeky mistranslation there, eh? If not a fine animal of the desert, it ought have read "coarse rope".


1st - Larry Brash with:
Members of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists =
By all the results and models, we are claiming that Prozac is safe for anyone.


GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An appointment diary
Pop in at any darn time.


LONG CATEGORY, March 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:


We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International program. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 7696-645 with serial number 377-554 drew lucky numbers 7-14-6-18-31-45 which won in the 2nd category, you have been approved for a lump sum pay out of 6,000,000 (EUROS )

For security purposes, we advise that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.

You are requested to contact our office to assist you with the claim and transfer of your winnings fund into your instructed account by acknowledging the receipt of this mail with the email address below.

Note that, all winnings must be claimed not later than two month starting from today, failure to respond to this mail before two months time from today, all unclaimed funds will be null and void.

Sincerely yours,

Mrs Mary Gillian.


Dear Madam,

Thank you for letting me know the wonderful news. It's terribly generous - a miraculous windfall of great fruitfulness!

Now, to put it bluntly, I didn't realise that I was even entered in a lottery. Finally, I now understand one of the numerous benefits of my email address being collected by spam robots.

Up until now, I believed what happened was that I would receive 6,600,000 emails a day on my computer, telling me how to instantly enlarge my narrow penis AND my breasts (at the same time); to help 16,500 deposed former Nigerian presidents and their families get $156,456,000 into my bank account; to buy Viagra, Valium and 777,390 other ridiculous drugs; a reminder when to vote in those notoriously criminal monthly Anagrammy Awards (03/2004); to download a virus from Microsoft (in error); and 1,824.000 other untruthful "Enter Now!" promotions, like 3457 illegal copies of anagram software.

I'm most circumspect about this type of crap. I empty it into the trash.

I can see that your Lotto is quite foolproof and there is no way that you could con me. Your corporation's strict protocols appear to be structured and conducted in a correct manner, and truthful above suspicion.

I'll send you my account details tomorrow, if you would send me a little cash advance first.

Larry Brash


1st - Larry Brash with:
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome =
Enter and thus find my son dead.


1st - Larry Brash with:
"It's been a Hard Day's Night" =
And, hey, this band is great!


1st - Larry Brash with:
The late John Lennon, Sir Paul McCartney, the late George Harrison, and Ringo Starr =
In long careers, they all once sang major hits in a rather talented Northern group.


1st - Larry Brash with:
To be or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
A rather famous quote from Hamlet, no doubt, one of Shakespeare's best plays.
Note, in its unforgettable oration, the son wonders about finding the right answer to best sort things out... or die.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The actor Marlon Brando =
Born to act hard-man role.


1st - Larry Brash with:
May I take the liberty to introduce myself as; Mr. Yeng Zang, Bank Manager of a reputable bank in Taipei, Taiwan


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Missionary Position =
So, I say, it's: "I'm in her, on top".


1st - Larry Brash with:
Computer (n), Electronic device which performs computations according to a series of instructions, known as a program. =
Microsoft Windows (n), A program that is defective, crack-prone (on purpose). In time, continual crashes occur, costing more.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months (Oscar Wilde) =
I exclaimed: "How is it women's favorite outfits or best silver shoes last no longer than half a year?"


2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Seven Ages of Woman



eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The Palestinian Liberation Organisation chairman, Yasser Arafat =
He is an agitator for a tiny Arab nation. Rests in Peace in Ramallah.


RUDE CATEGORY, January 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Guinness Book of Records =
Fuck! So boring! Needs hooters!


LONG CATEGORY, February 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Three Laws of Robotics
1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.


The Anagrammy Rules
1. Do not bother to post woeful anagrams which use terrible grammar or obscure spelling into this cool site.
2. Do not write obscene,"off" anagrams with bed-sex. No... not nice! Cut it out!
3. Do contribute just the very best, choice, apt anagrams, which consist of orthodox content, without which the outcome will often be: "no win".

Larry Brash


1st - Larry Brash with:
What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! =
What a fool is Mr Bush! how extreme in opinion! how wet and vapid in mind! in waffle so fancy, in ignorance so remarkable!


1st - Larry Brash with:
When I was a lad I served a term


1st - Larry Brash with:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying
only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.



1. We admitted we spend a lot of our time doing anagrams, but we believed that it involved lots of laughs.

2. Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves: Mike Keith and his Anagram Artist software.

3. Made a decision we will download and hoped to try the latest copy of his popular program.

4. Made thorough searches for good bold key words which to compose our next really long anagram.

5. Admitted that we spend just a little too much time in the Forum.

6. Were ready to correct the defects or errors from our anagrams, so each should sound really solid.

7. Politely solicited Larry, could he withold our worse anagrams on the final list.

8. Created a copious list with our very best creations to be put in our next awards event.

9. Endeavored to create numerous choice anagrams, involving general, topical, or entertainment content, or people's
and other names, and a few long showpieces, when we have the chance.

10. Continued to strive to avidly compose with focussed skill.

11. Hoped to be in the same hallowed class as the honored Mey Kraus, though we soon realised this would never occur.

12. Tried to pressure everyone we meet to share the humor of anagrams and vote for us.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Microsoft Developer =
Deliverer of compost.


LONG CATEGORY, October 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent out word that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided to hold the interviews in the belfry.

After hearing several applicants, the bishop decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him and said he wanted to apply for the job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," exclaimed the man. "Observe!"

He began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced that he had found a worthy replacement for Quasimodo.

Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.

When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,



And the following day, with an unbearable melancholy that weighed heavily on his tender heart due to the unfortunate death of the beloved, but armless, campanologist, the bishop came back up and continued the interviews for the one destined to be the new bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man, who walked up and approached him, said,

"Your Excellency, I'm the brother of the armless chap who fell to a sudden and accidental death from the belfry yesterday. I request and pray that you honour his humble, worthwhile life by allowing me to be appointed for this job."

The bishop was quite moved and agreed to audition him, and, when the armless man's brother had bent over to pick up a small wooden mallet to hit the first bell, he moaned, clutched his chest, fell down and he died on the spot.

A few priests and nuns, all hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed upstairs to be on hand at his side.

"What has happened? Who is the deceased man?" the first priest pleaded breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but............


GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Driving under the influence of alcohol =
On tour in a vehicle drenched full of gin.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone =
He began on an experiment: A "Hello?" travelled forth.


1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Deem it as an utter fiasco.


3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas

eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany =
Crushing win led from a penalty.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"


New research into the psychology of humour has happened to show us that the joke, once assessed as the world's funniest, was created by the zany comedian, Spike Milligan, and was used in the 1951 Goons Show.

The sketch (replayed here, now somehow set in the USA), which in its heyday starred the legendary actor Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, has, I hope, remained one of the best gags ever.

LONG CATEGORY, November 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
George W. Bush meets with Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II of England.

He asks her,
"Your Majesty, how is it that you run such a very efficient slick government? Are there any clues to this that you can offer me?"

"Well," says the Queen,
"Above all, the most important thing is to do this: surround yourself with very intelligent efficient people."

Bush looks concerned.
"So, how could I know the people around me are so clever and intelligent?"

The Queen takes a little sip from her cup of tea.
"Oh, this is very simple. Let me explain it. You simply ask them to answer an intelligence test. Do listen to this".

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony.
Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Of course, that would be me."

"Yes! Very good, well done." says the Queen.


At the White House, Bush talks with Vice President Cheney.
"Answer this one for me, deputy. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother, not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not quite sure, Mr President," says the Vice President. "Just let me make some enquiries for you about that one."

Cheney goes to his many polite youthful underlings to enquire of all twenty of them, but none are able to give him an intelligent answer.

Finally, a week later, he goes in a men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.

Cheney yells out, "Would you please answer something for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell yells back , "That's funny! Quite simple: It's me!"

Cheney replies."Gee, great work, pal!"

In the Oval Office he talks with Bush.
"Okay, I've done you some research and here's the eloquent answer to the question. It's my judgement that it is Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over, and yells into his face,

"No! It's Tony Blair!"

TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Queen's Annual Christmas Day Broadcasts =
She's quite a lady, but transcends as a monarch.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Anagram Artist Windows Software =
Ah, it was so swift at word arrangement!


1st - Larry Brash with:
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
Tom Lehrer made us swoon,
Rearranging a Christmas tune.
He beheld the haughty greed,
What they buy, I do not need.
Lying market survey ploys,
Alas, kindhearted giving us toys.


RUDE CATEGORY, March 2007:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The silicone breast forms =
Chosen for miserable tits.


Larry Brash with:
The Fast Food Restaurant =
Fat... horrendous taste... fat...


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chest pain =
The panics!


1st - Larry Brash with:
'God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.' =
God gave us beer so we might use it, have some mirth, and score more.


1st - Larry Brash with:
NOTE: This forum is heavily moderated. Spam and troll posts will be removed promptly =
"Spam! Spam! Spam!" is the word. It's all derived from our beloved little Monty Python role.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Games of the Twenty Ninth Olympiad held at Beijing, China =
The big athletic men, highly fit women and the pandas. Enjoy it!


2nd - Larry Brash with:
I respectfully request to be relieved from the command of this army =
President Bush reflected: "My time has come to formally quit forever".


SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2008:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry, ONLY under these circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog died to save its master.
(b) When you realize that Angelina Jolie is about to button her blouse.
(c) Just after wrecking your boss's prize car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: A man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by friends.

4: If you have known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. Even remembering your mate's birthday is optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the cover for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It's permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you are sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: The girl who replied to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360.


13: If a man's fly is down, frankly that's his problem. You didn't see a damn thing.

14: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate it truthfully by quite a similar knowledge of the game and, further, by the ability to drink as many beers as other sports watchers.

15: It's recommended that a man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight hard.

16: Never pause to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not BOTH. Remember, that's plain greedy, rude, unfunny and a crime.

17: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better likely be talking about his choice of beer, and not his tummy.

18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a former friend of yours. However, you may if she's unreasonably and stubbornly withholding sex pending your response.

19: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you're on the same footing (both urinating or both waiting in line). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is likely all the conversation you will need.

20: Never allow a phone conversation with a woman to run longer than you're able to have intercourse with her. Further, keep a stopwatch by the phone. By the way, hang up if necessary.

21: The morning after you and a married woman, who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling quite weird and guilty isn't a reason for you not to nail her again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

22: It is assumed acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

23: You shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Fatal bushfires in the state of Victoria, Australia =
The rural fires. It is at a cost of lives, fauna, & habitat.


1st - Larry Brash with:
What is 'quantitative easing', if not a license for our banks to print money =
It's a provision, but it ranks equal of an action of Germany in the Twenties.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Daniel Radcliffe , Emma Watson, Rupert Grint ~
as Mr Potter, nice girlfriend and awful mate.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Rene Descartes, French philosopher/mathematician =
Men chant the classic phrase: "I ponder, therefore I am".


1st - Larry Brash with:
Prostate Specific Antigen =
Test if cancer is eating Pop.


Eq2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dehydration =
Hot an' dry... die!


RUDE CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Praise genitals =
"It's a large penis!"


GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Laughter is the best medicine =
The genial side is much better.


GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Christmas Season =
Smash that recession.


LONG CATEGORY, February 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
An eighty-six year old man went to the local doctor for his usual checkup one day.

The doctor asked how he was going and the old man said:

"I reckon things are great and I have never felt better. Best of all, I now have me a cute pretty little twenty-three year old bride who is three months pregnant with my baby. So, what do you say about that, Doctor?"

The doctor considered that question for a moment or two and then began:

"Let me tell you a story."

"I have an older friend, very much like you and he has never missed a hunting season."

"One day he was setting off to go a hunting trip. Being in a bit of a hurry, he picked up his walking cane instead of his shotgun."


"Now, on the lengthy trek north-west, nearing a lake, he came across a very big strong beaver sitting on the waters' shore."

"He realised that he had gone and forgotten his trusty gun and he knew he couldn't shoot this magnificent creature."

"Out of habit, he raised the cane, aimed it at the animal, as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'Bang! Bang!'"

"Miraculously, two shots rang out and, oh boy, the beaver drops over dead."

"Now, what do you think of that, eh?", enquired the doctor.

The old boy said:

"My, my! I know any fancy logic would say that likely someone else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied "Yes, indeed. My point exactly!"

RUDE CATEGORY, March 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
This may contain traces of nuts =
Fact: That is in anyone's scrotum.


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Gender reassignment =
Redesign strange men.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Society for the Protection of Unborn Children =
Pro-life bunch is too concerned for her tiny tot.


1st - Larry Brash with:
This man was walking along a beach, when he found a bottle and picked it up.

A genie magically popped right out and said, "Thanks for letting me out there. For your kindness I will grant you just one wish."

Then the guy said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but cannot do so because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish then is for you to build me a super-highway from here straight to Hawaii."

To that the genie replied, "Sorry, but do not think that I can do that. Now, just you think for a few minutes of all the work involved in this highway from here to Hawaii. Then think of the huge pilings it would need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean."
The genie continued: "Oh and you think of all the concrete that I would need to pump. And, as the Pacific is a very long span, I propose it would need to build eight hundred gas stations and relief stops along this highway... Huh! It is a big prohibitive problem. That is just too much to ask. You have to modify it or think of an easier wish."

The guy had thought for a while and said, "One thing I have always wanted to know about. I'd like to be able to understand women - what makes them laugh and cry for joy, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult and painful to get along with... In brief, what makes them tick?"

The genie thought for a while then asked him, "OK, how do you want that highway? With two lanes or four?"

1st - Larry Brash with:
Woman's G Spot =
"Now!", most gasp.


GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Our golden wedding anniversary =
We're old, gray and on nine IV drugs.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson =
It's our landlubber in tense story overseas.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love =
Canny rocker duo, but not alive.


eq1st - Larry Brash with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
OK Santa, here's the new list I have compiled for you:

Most humanist aborigines.

Each of the world leaders.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Australian Floods =
Our island's afloat!


eq1st - Larry Brash with:
The Periodic Table of Elements =
Al, Be, C, Ds, Fe, He, I, Mo, Ne, Po, Re, Te, Ti, Tl.....


GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2011:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Four-letter words ~
drew foul retorts.


LONG CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:

An older married couple made an agreement that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was any sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was actually nothing at all after death.

After their long life together, the husband was the first one to go and, true to his word, he made first contact:

"Hello, Marion... Marion, are you there?"

"Yes, yes... Please... Is that you, Bobby?"

"Yes, my dear, it is. And, yes, I have come back to make contact with you as we promised."

"That is wonderful, dear! What is it all like?"

"Well... it is pretty great. I get up in the mornings, and I have sex. I have breakfast and then it is off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have a long lunch (you would be proud of me - I'm eating lots and lots of greens now).

Another romp around the golf course, then it is pretty much more sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, well, it is back to the old golf course again.

Then it is more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh yes! Bobby, are you in Heaven?"

"No, no, no... you don't understand... I'm a rabbit in Gundagai!"


A man in Brisbane rings his son in Adelaide about two days before Xmas and tells him, "Steve, mate, hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and me are divorcing; after exactly forty years of woeful misery between us."

"What are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't even stand the sight of each other for one minute longer, mate." the father replies, "We are sick of each other, and besides, I am tired enough of talking about it, so you call your sister, Marie, in Darwin and tell her too, mate."

Frantic, the extremely agitated son calls his sister, who, explodes on the phone.

"The idea! No chance, Steve! Stuff that one! The senile duet ain't getting a divorce!" she shouts out, "I'll fix them, mate. Fix them up good and sweet."

She calls up Brisbane straight away and explodes at her father:

"You are not getting a divorce. Don't do a thing before I get there. I am calling my brother back, and after we will both be out over there tomorrow to meet up, until then, wait." and repeats, "Don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME, FATHER?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, faces his wife and tells her.

"OK, Kate, that's all fixed. They are coming for Christmas and even paying their own air fares."

RUDE CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Bristol Stool Scale =
Shit selectors' lab tool.


2nd - Larry Brash with:
North American Indian =
Red man in a rich nation.


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Taliban prisoners escape =
Captains are responsible.


Eq3rd - Larry Brash with:
Conspiracy theorists ~
ran psychotic stories.


Eq1st - Larry Brash with:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa =
Operating while not safe?


1st - Larry Brash with:
Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush star in "The Kings Speech" =
S.. s.. sorry.. ar.. it.. its.. er.. not.. f.. f.. f.. uc.. cking he.. he.. he.. helping!


1st - Larry Brash with:
United Kingdom Riots =
Drunk idiots emoting.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Old Spice Aftershave =
Splashed it over face.


3rd - Larry Brash with:
Please Do Not Walk On The Grass =
So let's go and spare the lawn, OK?


RUDE CATEGORY, April 2012:
eq1st - Larry Brash with:
The menage trois ~
is to manage three.


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Actions speak louder than words =
Useless pair chat and do not work.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Because I could not stop for Death -
He kindly stopped for me -
The Carriage held but just Ourselves -
And Immortality.
"Life's a bitch then you die",
A clever old joke foretold.
That sort produce many a sigh,
and trumpets "I must be super old!"


1st - Larry Brash with:
Habemus Papam;
Eminentissimum ac reverendissimum Dominum,
Dominum Georgium Sanctae Romanae Ecclesiae Cardinalem Bergoglio,
Qui sibi nomen imposuit Franciscum.
I'm so great,
I'm a success,
I'm an ace academic,
I'm no communist,
I'm unmarried,
I'm beloved, unique, superb fun
I'm a blessed man
I'm religious
I'm no carousing German man

I'm the Pope!


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Aged care facility =
A tragic life decay.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Annette Funicello =
Nice teen fun to all.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Professor Stephen Hawking =
He gets known for his papers.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford =
Moron, or dotty, or off to rehab?


1st - Larry Brash with:
Google Earth =
Goal? Go there!


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Taking a selfie =
I get fans; a


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Ukraine separatists =
Its area kept Russian.


2nd - Larry Brash with:
One cute little melody by Rossini, now an unlikely theme tune for a cool film with Tonto; a nattering fellow intoning the call line: "Hi-ho, Silver!"


GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2014:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder =
Very distracted condition... I pity their fate.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Beethoven's Violin Concerto in D ~
is conceived, then born, to live on.


RUDE CATEGORY, October 2014:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Grafenberg spot =
Beg: "Front.... THERE!.... GASP!!"


GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2014:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Factitious Disorder =
First road to suicide.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Munchausen's Syndrome =
Shun my madness... no cure!


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