Anagrammy Winners by Neil Ramsay
All the winning anagrams by Neil Ramsay from the Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2007:
eq3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Late Shift? ~
That's life!
LONG CATEGORY, March 2007:
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
A lonely young lad is totally into tractors. He knows all the latest models.
One day though, he sees a tractor run over a dog and he becomes less interested in tractors because every time he thinks of them he is reminded of that poor old dog.
So, ten years pass and the lad (now a young man) walks into a bar with his girlfriend.
The girlfriend declares "God I hate it when it's so darn smoky in these places"
The lad takes a deep breath and then proceeds to breathe in all the smoke in the bar.
His girlfriend says "Man! how did you do that??"
The young man replied "Didn't you know that I'm an ex-tractor fan"
=
One weekend, a country lane walks into a pub and orders himself a drink.
Some other roads and lanes are all hanging out at the hotel bar too.
The old barman points over to the corner:
"See that motorway. I suggest you avoid him. He's the maddest road in here"
Only soon, a silly little orange dirt-track swaggers defiantly into the pub.
A chilling silence descends.
The motorway despondently downs his drink, hops deftly to his feet and makes for the fire exit.
"Hey, and I thought he was the maddest road in here?" says the lane.
The barman smiles:
"Indeed so, but that orange dirt-track is a cycle-path"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2007:
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann
=
The Serenity Prayer
God Grant Me...
One: The serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
By nature or nurture,
I am who I am.
A perfect example,
Of imperfect man.
I can't change who I am,
Yet why do I try,
To be someone I'm not,
And live out a lie?
If I try to change history,
To annul these regrets,
I find time's eternal,
It never forgets.
I can't change other people,
It's unfair, when I try,
Everyone shuns me,
They say that I lie.
I can't alter the planet,
Or bring back the dead.
So I really should stop now,
And focus instead
On picking my battles,
And doing my best,
To be a good person,
Despite all the rest.
Two: The courage to change the things I can.
So, life can't be changed,
Pray, what should I do?
To stay fair to myself,
Respectful and true.
Should I air harsh opinions,
Or flatly refuse,
To express selfish values,
And annul sinful views.
I endeavour to change,
Only every day,
An infuriating fear,
Carries virtues away.
With weary neurosis,
In anxious despair,
I yearn for a reason,
It sure is unfair.
Now, is everyone nervous
Of change in their lives?
Or wary of ruin
When burden arrives?
Hurray, I can change,
And free my dismay.
And all I may ask,
Is assured bravery
Three: The Wisdom to know the difference
Should I yearn to be older?
Should I try to be meek?
Should I yearn to be bolder,
Whenever I speak?
Should I be less resentful?
Would I be less like me?
Should I be less distrustful.
Of those that I see?
Should I try to be joyful?
Should I try to be droll?
Should I yearn to be playful,
And refrain from control?
Should I be less obsessive?
Would I be less in love?
Should I be less submissive?
Would my partner approve?
Should I yearn to be thankful,
For this life here on earth?
Or try to be hopeful,
That there is life after death?
Should I answer these questions,
That cause everyone strife?
Or ignore these frustrations,
And get on with life?
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2007:
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Scotland the Brave
Hark when the night is falling
Hear! hear the pipes are calling,
Loudly and proudly calling,
Down thro' the glen.
There where the hills are sleeping,
Now feel the blood a-leaping,
High as the spirits of the old Highland men.
Chorus:
Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart forever,
Scotland the brave.
High in the misty Highlands,
Out by the purple islands,
Brave are the hearts that beat
Beneath Scottish skies.
Wild are the winds to meet you,
Staunch are the friends that greet you,
Kind as the love that shines from fair maiden's eyes.
chorus
Far off in sunlit places,
Sad are the Scottish faces,
Yearning to feel the Kiss Of sweet Scottish rain.
Where tropic skies are beaming,
Love sets the heart a-dreaming,
Longing and dreaming for the homeland again.
chorus
=
Smeaton the Brave
High up in the hilly highlands,
Out in all the chilly islands,
All the terrorist plans are falling apart.
The Paisley Taliban's disbanded,
As Smeaton shooed them single-handed,
With the heated warning of
"Here mate, don't start!"
Chorus:
Here in this northern land,
Scots everywhere demand:
"Smeaton the hero, give us all a wave!".
Working for Glasgow Airport,
Fighting Islamic Bampots,
Checking for dodgy passports,
Smeaton the Brave
Terror plans were suicidal,
But Smeaton's our cunning idol,
Even though he seems like a wee unfit bloke.
Handling all the luggage,
That day he'd had his porridge,
He finished off the riff-raff whilst having a smoke.
chorus
See all those "hard-men" fleeing,
Laugh at them disagreeing,
For their scruffy plans have failed and they can't carry on.
They see that they're really beaten,
They didn't account on the hero Smeaton,
Over their insanity his heroism won.
chorus
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2007:
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Customer: Waiter Waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup? =
Waiters tip: Ahem, I would fancy he's trying to swim out sir.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2007:
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Great Britain's House of Lords ~
has inert, bourgeois old farts.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2007:
2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the 'Frisco bay
'Cause I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way
So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes
Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home
Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
Otis Redding
=
Sittin' for the last five years,
Sittin', holdin' back the tears
Watchin' freedom tricklin' away
Not knowing that I've been betrayed.
Oh ,I'm locked here on Guantanamo Bay,
Seein' my little life rotting away,
Oh, locked down on this Guantanamo Bay,
Doin' Time.
Sittin' in this illegal jail,
Knowin' that decent justice has failed,
Sittin', givin' in on hope
Just not knowin' how to cope
Oh, I'm locked here on Guantanamo Bay,
Seein' my little life rotting away,
Oh, locked down on this Guantanamo Bay,
Doin' Time.
It seems to me that hope is lost
Seein' other folk turning into ghosts
We can't get home to those whom we love
Oil started the jihad, why is this the cost?
So, it seems that my chance has gone,
I've no strength left to carry on,
Then with a solemn sigh
I see the time has come for me to die
Oh, I'm locked down on this Guantanamo Bay,
Seein' my life dwindling away,
So I'm locked on this ghostly Bay,
While doin' some Time.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2007:
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
The Bush Administration's foreign policy ~
is an upsetting, horrific myth based on oil.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2007:
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Hope is the thing...
A poem by Emily Dickinson
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
=
War is the thing...
War is the sport of statesmen,
That hellish cutthroat game,
They heckled thankless henchmen,
That set the earth aflame.
The thought that deaths may be endorsed,
Is so primitive to me,
There can be no way to pardon it,
This evil that we see.
I've seen it in distinguished realms,
And in apt extremist lands,
But why your blood keeps being spilled,
I cannot understand.
nr
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2008:
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Sad report =
Teardrops.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2008:
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Christian chorus =
It soars in church.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2008:
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
bush (noun):
A single low plant with many branches that arise from or near the ground. =
Bush (person):
A snooty, lethal, incoherent, inhuman, wrathful, warmongering bastard.
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