Anagrammy Winners by Rosie Perera
All the winning anagrams by Rosie Perera from the Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2004:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
An apple each day keeps the doctor away =
Hey, claptrap! We eat peaches and do okay.
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Internet addiction =
Cannot end it. I tried.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2005:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
The Federal Witness Protection Program =
Tattlers get new ID, car, sniper-proof home.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, July 2005:
4th - Rosie Perera with:
The archaeological survey =
They go shovel crucial area.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2006:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
A marble statue =
Mute alabaster.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, July 2006:
eq2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Israel attacks Lebanon =
One state can kill Arabs.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, September 2006:
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The cartoonist Matt Groening ~
got attention tracing Homer S.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2006:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
United States President George W. Bush =
Unwise, desperate. Bet he's trusting God!
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Oral contraceptive =
I can protect a lover.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2007:
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
A child molester =
Mother calls: "Die!"
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2007:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
Pat reply: Any fresh face is better than the present horrid, dismal leader!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, February 2007:
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Bushido, meaning "Way of the warrior", is a Japanese code of conduct and a way of life, loosely analogous to the European concept of chivalry. Bushido developed between the 11th to 14th centuries as set forth by numerous translated documents dating from the 12th to 16th centuries. According to the Japanese dictionary Shogakukan Kokugo Daijiten, "Bushido is defined as a unique philosophy (ronri) that spread through the warrior class from the Muromachi (chusei) period."
The core tenets of Bushido date from as early as the 12th century as demonstrated by the earliest translations of Japanese literature and warrior house codes.
Under the Tokugawa Shogunate, Bushido became formalized into Japanese Feudal Law.
Inazo Nitobe, in his book Bushido: The Soul of Japan, described Bushido in this way. "...Bushido, then, is the code of moral principles which the samurai were required or instructed to observe... More frequently it is a code unuttered and unwritten... It was an organic growth of decades and centuries of military career."
=
Bush-ego, meaning "Way of the War President," is an American code of conduct, a swashbuckling way of life, loosely analogous to the Wild West cowboy ethic. Bush-ego developed in the run-up to the 2000 elections and became utterly intolerable in 2004. The turn of events in 2001 was quite instrumental in its ascension.
The core tenets of Bush-ego are:
- be audacious, a pious jackass, a hothead, a jerk, a fraud
- stay the course (Ha! Ha!)
- stand firm on Iraq (Ha! Ha!)
- stop a few terrorists from any attempts at jihad afoot on our territory (Ha! Ha! Ha!)
- read "Pet Goat" stories in your country's hour of terror (Duh!)
- be misunderestimated (Duh!)
- pose for photo ops (Duh!)
- decide, decide, decide! (Duh!)
- outdo Dad at war (Hee, hee!)
Under the Department of Homeland Security, Bush-ego became formalized into a distrust for the rule of law.
Karl Rove, in his book, Bush-ego II: Adieu: The Squashing of Iran, described it in this way: "Bush-ego, then, is a code of immoral principles which allows a brazen perjurer to hijack another country and inject discord and torture on its innocent residents."
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2007:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
College graduation ceremony =
Local guy, art degree, no income.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2007:
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during an icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a big heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve arrived
I bet you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
=
Bill Gates dies and turns up forthwith at the pearly gates (no pun intended), where he is told in an interview that they don't know whether to send him up to Heaven or down to Hell. Up for his heroic role in "a PC on every desk and in every home," or down for Microsoft software, and Windows in particular.
So while the Father and Son-Redeemer are making up their conjoined minds, they send him down for a sneak preview of Hades. It's uncrowded, a carefree society. Full of wonder; delicious food; palm trees; lovely, affectionate and erotic Hawaiian girls; camaraderie to outdo all earth camaraderie; comfy chairs; fine wine; aesthetic heirloom decor; no hotheaded war; no tedium; no outdated, humdrum, "thee-thou" church; free travel; all the coffee you can consume; riotous humour; accurate news media; infinite free education; and furthermore -- majorly awesome computers! (Steve Jobs is there, too.) Wowed, Bill does not need to see any more, and he tells them he has chosen to go to hell to settle there.
Seven days later, St. Gabriel drops in to see how Gates is doing down there, and finds the man huddled in a very dark, very hot pit, submerged up to his head in very evil smelling cow manure.
"Hi, there," says Gabriel. "How is it going here?"
"Just awful," says Bill, eyeing the messenger's crucifix. "Do breathe a whiff of this! Whew! This is nothing like what you showed me!"
"What? Oh, sorry," says the angel. "That was the beta version."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2007:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Inebriated astronauts =
Nausea started in orbit.
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2007:
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Volunteer firefighters ~
ever forfeit their lungs.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2007:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
The U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom =
I see one God in one soul. No matter if Christian or Muslim.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2008:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Yosemite National Park =
Area many like to stop in.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2008:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
The Gashlycrumb Tinies, by Edward Gorey
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank on a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
=
Children's Obituary Rhyme by Wasted Egg
A is for Agatha, held her breath too long.
B is for Brutus, whose prescription was wrong.
C is for Chloe, who died of the flu.
D is for Davy, who sank in dog doo!
E is for Ermengarde, fell off a wild horse.
F is for Frieda who was fried, of course.
G is for Gretchen, no food, ate a spider.
H is for Hunter, who drank yucky cider.
I is for Ida, hit by a car.
J is for Jockamo, who passed out in a bar.
K is for Klaus, who wouldn't drink water.
L is for Lulu, didn't chew when she oughta.
M is for Mathilde, struck by a nail.
N is for Ninian, walked on the third rail.
O is for Owen, who vomited blood.
P is for Penelope, who was stuck in the mud.
Q is for Quintin, a mass in his brain.
R is for Rita, became insane.
S is for Sasha, wound up in a stew.
T is for Thelma, sick yet nobody knew.
U is for Ursula, took excess sweets.
V is for Vince, squashed by beets.
W is for Wilma, unwholesomely wed.
X is for Xavier, axed, now he's dead.
Y is for Yasmine, who smoked way more.
Z is for Zelda, went away to war....
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2008:
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Theological discussions =
God, soul, sin, social ethics.
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