Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2008

All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2008 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Bourne Supremacy =
Our spy became hunter.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
'Jonathan Livingston Seagull: A Story' by Richard Bach =
Banal novel. (Just a stray bird chancing to soar highly).

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Antonio Vivaldi's The Four Seasons =
A violinist's reasons to do have fun!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Nailed to the Cross =
Leads one to Christ.

2nd - David Bourke with:
Baroness Margaret Hilda Thatcher leaves hospital =
Heartless old hag has a heart implant, recovers a bit.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The celebration of Easter =
One elaborate Christ fete.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The former Ugandan President Idi Amin Dada =
Murder and death personified in a mad giant.

2nd - View with:
Governor Eliot Laurence Spitzer =
Top-level intercourse organizer.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Queen's guitarist Brian May =
I'm a brainy quartet's genius!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
eBay auction =
I can beat you.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Number Ten Downing Street, Westminster, London =
It's Gordon Brown's new tenement until term ends.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Chateau de Versailles =
A valued castle is here.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The fiction novel writer Arthur C Clarke passed on at ninety years of age =
A Space Odyssey inventor left within a racing rocket to lunar hereafter.

2nd - David Bourke with:
General, Entertainment, Topical, Peoples Names, Other Names, Medium, Challenge, Long, Special and Rude =
Sheer Nonsense, Name-Calling, Generated-on-Computer, Tedium, Appalling, Real Lame, and Complete Shite.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox =
Easter's lunar, not fixed. I very often fall in quarters of the fourth month.

2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
The first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox =
Turn of event oft equals "Easter" : Exult, sinner! Affirm faith! Honor thy Lord!

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox. =
Fervent annual rerun of thorny lord's hit quest to affix himself to a tree!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Three Texan surgeons were arguing about who had the greatest skill.

The first surgeon said, "Three years ago, I reattached six fingers and a thumb to a concert pianist. He went on to give a piano recital to the Queen of England."

The second replied, "Heck, that's nothing unusual! I attended a man who was in a bad car accident, and both arms and both legs had been ripped from his body. Yet, just two years after I'd reattached his limbs, he went on to win three gold medals in the track and field events at the Sydney Olympics."

The third said, "Well, that's not unusual! A while back, I attended to a cowboy. He'd been whooping along, buzzing high on cocaine and alcohol, when he'd ridden his horse head-on into a Santa Fe freight train travelling at 80 miles-per-hour. All I had to work with was the horse's ass and a ten-gallon hat. A few years later, he went on to become the President of the United States."

=

An 80-year-old Texan rancher gashed his hand on a barbed wire fence while working the cattle, so he swathed his hand in a bandana and drove alone straight to the nearest doctor. While investigating the laceration, the Americanist doctor asked the man his feelings regarding George W. Bush being in the White House.

The man sniffed and said, "Well, ya see, Bush is a Post Turtle.'"

Not seeing what the man meant, the doctor said, "A Post Turtle! Interesting, but what on earth is it?"

The affable old rancher said, "Well, if you are out driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a quizzical look on the doctor's face, so he explained:

"It's like this," he said. "Ya know he didn't get there by himself; he doesn't belong there; he can't get anything done while he's up there, and ya just wanna help the poor dumb bastard get down!"

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Some writing advice by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. on the subject of short stories.

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

=

How to win at the monthly Anagrammy Forum competitions.

1. "Aha!" Do something that hasn't been done before. Wow them! If it's an often-used topic (e.g. pop culture), try new and different angles.

2. The shorter your cohesive pieces, the more elegant. All those verbose descriptors are disadvantageous.

3. Heehaw! Guffaw! A jocular one (e.g. "deadheads") is a gas; a jewel that will attract attention and spur those coveted priceless points.

4. Avoid obscure, weird and eccentric hotchpotches. These are worthless tosh! Voters are downright conservative nowadays.

5. Make nice with everyone at the Forum. Swallow your pride. Occasionally nominate their anagrams even though you think they are hogwash.

6. Nick the subjects of others. Make hilarious anagrams out of the same letters.

7. Assess the contestants. See to it that Meyran Kraus doesn't post any entries. (Whew!)

8. When hopelessness sets in, watch the leader board regularly. Ask your friends, relatives and schoolfellows to vote for you.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
She said..."What do you mean by coming home half drunk?"
He said... "What! It's not my fault that I ran out of money!"

Priest... "I do not think you will ever find another man like your late husband."
She said... "Who's looking for one, eh?"

He said.. "What have you been doing with all that grocery money that I gave to you?"
She said..."Turn sideways and look in that mirror, you poor fat bastard!"

He said... "Two inches more, and I would be king!"
She said..."Wow! Two inches less, and you would be queen!"

He said... "Since I first laid eyes on you, pet, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said..."Well, pal, you succeeded in that!"

=

He said... "Why don't you tell me if you reached orgasm?
She said..."I would, but you are never there to ask me!"

He said... "Shall we swap positions today?"
She said..."That makes a cool idea.... you can stand by the fuckin' ironin' board while I sit on the lounge and fart, clown."

On wall in the ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written under it: "I do not!"

He said... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it!"
She said..."Sadly, sir, you wear pants, don't ya?"

He said... "Quick! Let's head out and have some fun tonight!".
She said..."Okay, but if you come home before I do, kindly leave the hallway light on!"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
America

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Sonnets are full of love

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Maxwell's Silver Hammer