OCTOBER 2001 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - David A. Green with:
An hermaphrodite =
O, I'm part he and her!

2nd - Noam D. Elkies with:
Homo sapiens =
Ape's son, IMHO.

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Future generations =
Our unfit teenagers.

David Bourke with:
A bit on the side? =
Bet he's an idiot!

Larry Brash with:
Religion is the opium of the people. (Karl Marx) =
A theologian pill or smoke. The premier fix-up.

Maurice Goddard with:
Relaxation time =
Oriental tea mix.

Maurice Goddard with:
Blood is thicker than water =
Indicate how brothers talk?

Richard Grantham with:
Throwing caution to the wind =
To act now without hindering.

Richard Grantham with:
Putting an animal out of its misery =
I fire a gun to slay mutt in most pain.

Richard Grantham with:
Postgraduate =
Sat to upgrade.

Richard Grantham with:
Indefatigable
A fat, idle being.

Richard Grantham with:
The uniform resource locators =
Rules to reach our site conform.

Richard Grantham with:
Separating the sheep from the goats
Spares them the path of segregation.

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Testosterone levels =
Settle Ernesto's love.

Adrian Hickford with:
I hunt down ~
'Whodunnit?'

Adrian Hickford with:
Syllogistic =
It's sly logic.

Adrian Hickford with:
Lentissimo =
It is solemn.

Adrian Hickford with:
Virginal maiden =
"I'm naive, darling."

Jaybur with:
Genealogical tree =
O, get clear lineage!

Jaybur with:
A domestic animal =
A cat: I am seldom in!

Jaybur with:
Older generation =
A long-retired one.

Jaybur with:
Military tactics =
It's licit army act.

Jaybur with:
Turn of phrase =
Ah, for punster!

Meyran Kraus with:
The Nightmare Disorder =
I get horrid dreams, then.

Meyran Kraus with:
A life ends? =
Feelin' sad.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Newspaper Headlines =
Released 'When it happens'.

Meyran Kraus with:
Cheating husband =
Unchanged habits.

Lardy Girl with:
Surgeons amputate ~
so guarantee stump.

Allan Morley with:
The religious fanatic =
Holiest act: I fire a gun.

Walter Newboldt with:
Nepotism =
I'm pet son.

Matjaz Pihler with:
Can cigarettes hurt? =
Truth's, I get a cancer.

Matjaz Pihler with:
Nice dreams =
REM candies.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
May he rest in peace =
In a cemetery phase.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Ephedrine =
Deep in her!

Mick Tully with:
Military action =
I act minatorily.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - SpursKevin with:
Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits =
Hot legs, portly arse, and tits.

2nd - Jaybur with:
Actress Linda Gray in 'The Graduate' =
A star lady: her nude acting is great!

3rd - Mary DeVaughn with:
Kathie Lee Gifford =
The Glorified Fake.

Aragorn with:
Isaac Asimov's positronic robots =
Cosmic visitors poo as boat rains.

David Bourke with:
Victoria Adams-Wood =
"I am a cow David roots!"

Richard Grantham with:
Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet =
Meet up in a true conjugal doom tale.

Richard Grantham with:
'The Merchant of Venice' by William Shakespeare =
A creative Shylock theme inflames Hebrew pain.

Richard Grantham with:
The Dead Parrot Sketch =
"Rock-hard pet," he stated.

Richard Grantham with:
Family entertainment =
Mere infant mentality.

David A. Green with:
The artist Nicolas Poussin =
He paints tits, ass, in colour.

David A. Green with:
Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean ~
jointly dance to Ravel. Spin her hard!

David A. Green with:
Laurens Van der Post =
Travels around, pens.

Matjaz Pihler with:
Luc Besson: The Big Blue =
Lo-tech, genius bubbles!

Mick Tully with:
Victoria Derbyshire =
Dreary British voice.

James H. Young with:
Performance Artist =
Master of inert crap.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The USA and Britain ~
unite and hit Arabs.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Operation Enduring Freedom =
More die for ruined Pentagon.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
US Strikes Taliban =
Is Kabul resistant?

Chris Bradfield with:
The war against terrorism =
Armies hit narrow targets.

Don P. Fortier with:
Letters contain anthrax spores within! =
Is this hint at terror clan's next weapon?

Jaybur with:
Winnie the Pooh's seventy-fifth birthday =
Bear festivity: then find shop with honey!

Tom Myers with:
Anthrax Spore =
Extra orphans.

Allan Morley with:
The biological weapons =
Lace a globe with poison.


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Drinking to excess =
Dick resting, no sex.

eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Sleeping together =
Get their legs open.

eq.2nd - David A. Green with:
Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more =
Wow! Men's rude kinky innuendo gag.

Larry Brash with:
Phantom pregnancies ~
happen among cretins.

Maurice Goddard with:
Pissing into the wind =
Shins got wet! I'd nip in.

David A. Green with:
A bit on the side =
O, he's at it in bed!

Adrian Hickford with:
Bacterial vaginosis =
Gross, inactive labia.


THE SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Allan Morley with:
Dear Friend,

If you have been searching for a 100% GUARANTEED and Risk Free way to lose your unwanted inches, this is going to be the most exciting message you have ever received!

Read on...

THE REALITY OF FAT LOSS

Diets are weakening and not fun. Drugs are dangerous. Strenuous exercise could strain your heart or injure you. Now, for the first time ever, there is a PROVEN way to lose unwanted inches INSTANTLY.

Our FREE, NO-OBLIGATION REPORT will show you how:

PEOPLE HAVE LOST 2 to 14 INCHES OF FAT INSTANTLY

Let me say it again, people have LOST between 2 and 14 inches of FAT instantly and it is permanent inch loss. Can you believe that? Please read those numbers again, they are NOT typos.

=

You do not need to starve, spew, exercise, swallow medicine or anything else to be thinner! Just find a chainsaw and LOSE WEIGHT NOW THROUGH HOME SURGERY!

* Sever the fingers, toes, nose, ears, behind, feet, even an entire arm!
* Take a nice pair of pliers then tear out your teeth!
* Give blood! Donate one kidney, one lung, one cornea, one liver, anything you have two of.
* Urinate! Fart!
* Shave your hairy eyebrows, head, armpits, legs, ass and nuts!
* Sever those genitals! It's not as if you ever get any, fatso.

Absolutely failsafe! Watch the extra pounds drop off - LITERALLY!!!

***SPECIAL OFFER!!!*** Slice out your brain, spine, heart, guts and testicles and we can turn you into another inane, idiotic spammer!!!

 

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Want a better sex life ?
Men and Woman can improve their sexual desire and preformance
This great product is all natural !
=
What an excellent spam!
I want more of it!
A great spam example!
Sure is darned cute!
And never abolish it!
Can't find URL (Error?)

 

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Our program simply involves the folding and processing of pamphlets. YOU WILL RECEIVE A FULL $1.00 FOR EACH AND EVERY PAMPHLET THAT YOU PROCESS! What do we mean by process? It's simple...

FIRST: You will neatly fold the provided preprinted single-sided (8 1/2 by 11 inch) pamphlets into thirds [The pamphlet that you will be processing will be provided to you and will be printed on regular 20 lb. (8-1/2 by 11) inch paper.

SECOND: You will neatly insert the folded pamphlets into the pre-addressed, postage paid envelopes [These envelopes will be sent directly to your home, dorm or apartment with customers' names and addresses already printed on the envelopes along with postage already affixed to the envelopes].

THIRD: Lick and seal these envelopes and then send them out, directly to the customers.

=

Hello Mr. Services and may your cave collapse,

I'm self-employed, middle-old people. Though I despise your oppressive country deepfully, your spam letter positively caught my eyeballs. Since I, as well, prepare many envelopes presently, I appeal, Mr. Services, to swap some odd tips. Preferredly, I love to learn how to spot stupid spelling and how to powder the paper more splendidly.

Now this other thing to tell. Despite you're repelling fart, the love to terror is evident. I then hand in the capacity of butler down in my bunker. The services are to fold tights, test bombshells and pamper infants. The wages can be standard then degraded. Dental plan, sand beds, hot wind, fond sheep, smallpox for the children!

I should wait when you accept.

Death to most things,
'The Devil' Bin Laden

 

Lardy Girl with:
What's your screen good for if you can't capture any portion of it?
With SPX you can! Using only your MOUSE!
Anything you see can be saved, printed, faxed or EMAILED instantly as an attachment.
www.moodysoft.com
To download now: www.moodysoft.com/spx/spxsetup.exe
=
Is that modem any good if you won't have useful comments?
Won't you employ your BRAIN, if one exists in that soft cranium?
Most on text NGs do not want or expect ads for fancy pics anyway.
Explore axons! Occupy dendrites and such today!
We would propose www.go.away!

 

Lardy Girl with:
JFK JR AUTOPSY PHOTOS
THIS SITE IS REALLY DISGUSTING---A MUST SEE PICTURES TAKEN WHEN THEY WERE FOUND IN THE OCEAN---EXCLUSIVE>
http://ashlin.xoasis.com/deathpictures-key.htm
PLUS PICTURES OF THE WIFE AND THE SISTER IN LAW!!!!!
=
Hey, sheep, you could just surf to the Anagrammy site.
Help with the wordplay; it spans filth (sex/cunnilingus/piss material), in-depth news, incisive satires, that tense poetic stuff, a re-worked Essex joke...
Thus, check it out!

 


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - James H. Young with:
A Plain and Easy Introduction to Practical Music (1597)

 

2nd - Maurice Goddard with:
Presidents George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, Grover Cleveland, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William H. Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard M. Nixon, Gerald R. Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald W. Reagan, George Bush, William J. Clinton, and George W. Bush.
=
Independence Day, Statue of Liberty, "God Bless America", Reform 'n' free men evolve, Watergate, Vietnam hell, Super Bowl, Star Wars, Mr Frank Sinatra, lover Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, Jerk Mr Mike Tyson, gun murder hell, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormon hordes, Jukebox, Hot Dogs, Joe Blow, John Doe, Jim Crow, Grand Canyon, Mohican Indian, Wells Fargo, Billy the Kid, Chinatown brothels, Jumbo jet, Jaws, Longfellow, Andy Warhol high on hash joints, Judy Garland, twisters, Mr Quincy Jones, raving jam, Disneyland, CIA, darned hanging chad, Help! NASA error, Dollar rich Uncle Sam, Niagara Falls, CNN 'n' Larry King Live, Mr Tiger Woods, Mr H. Hefner, Harvard, Mr John Wayne, Arizona ranch, Hells Angels, major war on damn arch-foe Bin Laden, jihad terrorism horror, 'n' Air Force One.

 

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light

 

David Bourke with:
How many times must the cannon balls fly before they're forever banned? =
Maybe not even the flimsy effluent-crooner Mr Bob Dylan has the answer!

 

David Bourke with:
The instructions for using the new Lillets tampon applicator =
Lie, lips apart. Put in one's cunt, thin string from hole. Close twat.

 

David Bourke with:
The President Of The United States Of America, George Walker Bush =
We see the fight to get Osama Bin Laden, a sheer fucked-up terrorist.

 

Adrian Hickford with:
Space... the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, its five year mission:
...to explore strange new worlds...
...to seek out new life and new civilizations...
...to boldly go where no man has gone before.
=
These words go before each episode of the cult show, Star Trek, where every planet of men has one bizarre alien. Oxygen too! Good grief!
To ornately split infinitives is, even now, seen as William Shatner's finest part.

 

Adrian Hickford with:
Willie Rushton, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Humphrey Lyttelton and the lovely Samantha.
=
"I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue." Those thorny old gentlemen utter a highly remarkable, notably merry art: Wordplay.

 

Jaybur with:
If it squirms, it's biology
If it stinks, it's chemistry
If it doesn't work, it's physics
And if you can't understand it, it's mathematics.
=
So, fur and fin: quirky kitty test
Acid whiffiness disgusts
Atomic idiots try
I'm torn: math's impossibility
That's science... isn't it?

 

Jaybur with:
Kenneth Grahame's masterpiece 'The Wind in the Willows' =
He pens a kid's tale wherein Rat went scheming with Mole.

 

Jaybur with:
Monsieur Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec: 'Dance at the Moulin Rouge' =
Mon Dieu! Dancers' haunt: outline, use colour to rule image there.

 

Meyran Kraus with:
The United States of America's Vice President Dick Cheney =
Hides in a secret site? Fanatic voters deem deputy "Chicken".

 


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The terrorist Osama Bin Laden =
Arab monster is no idle threat.

2nd - Jaybur with:
The Italian artist Amedeo Modigliani =
Admiration at the detail in oil images.

3rd - Mick Tully with:
Albert DeSalvo =
Absolved later.

Mike Goldfischer with:
Osama bin Laden =
An Ode -- Ban Islam!

Richard Grantham with:
Archbishop Desmond Mpilo Tutu =
Did but champion the slums' poor.

Adrian Hickford with:
Edward Bulwer-Lytton =
Walter Rudy Newboldt.

Judson Pewther with:
Terrorist Osama bin Laden =
Oi! Islam's rotten nerd Arab!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Marcello Mastroianni =
I'm also Latin romancer.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
The Nightingale School and Home for Nurses =
Teaching and lessons here might honour Flo.

2nd - Wayne Baisley with:
International Business Machines =
Brain unessential in Macintoshes.

3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Digital MediaSuite =
Add image utilities.

David Bourke with:
Linate Airport in Milan =
R.I.P. on Italian terminal.

David Bourke with:
Merchant Ivory Productions =
No smut, or chronic depravity.

Chris Bradfield with:
Homeland Security Director =
Hey, concluded I'm a terrorist.

Richard Grantham with:
British American Tobacco =
Cancer mob is a bitch to air.

Adrian Hickford with:
The Office for Standards in Education =
Does find teachers afraid to function.

Mick Tully with:
Lidl Supermarkets =
Milk; strudel; pears!

Mick Tully with:
Silicon Graphics Inc. =
Align ICs on RISC chip.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Virginia Woolf's suicide note to her husband Leonard

 

2nd - Allan Morley with:
Intimates by D.H. Lawrence

 

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
[A selection of doubly-true anagrams.
Each of these is both an anagram and mathematically correct. A variety of extra functions have been employed in order to mop up certain letters. In most cases, the operators (+, -, X etc.) are the same in subject and 'gram (cf. the first); in others, they form an integral part of the anagram (e.g. 'PI' on one side, and an extra 'plus' on the other to deal with the P). Both degrees and radians have been used to suit individual cases.
For clarity, upper case has been used for the numbers; 'E' should strictly speaking be written as 'e' but for conformity's sake this convention has been ignored.]

NINETY-EIGHT plus TWELVE plus TEN minus FORTY-EIGHT =
TWENTY-FIVE plus THIRTY plus EIGHTEEN minus log(TEN)
[= 72]

TWENTY to the power of sin(ELEVEN minus TEN minus ONE) =
ln(E) to the power of (SEVENTY minus NINETEEN minus TWO)
[= 1]

SEVENTY-EIGHT plus FIFTY-FOUR minus (TWELVE times EIGHT) minus (ONE to the power of PI) =
EIGHTY plus (EIGHTEEN times FIVE) minus FORTY minus (TEN to the power of TWO) plus FIVE
[= 35]

EIGHTY minus SEVENTEEN plus cos(PI) =
SEVENTY-ONE minus EIGHT plus sec(PI)
[= 62]

(EIGHTY-FIVE times ONE) minus TWENTY plus TEN plus THREE minus log(TEN) minus sin(NINETY) =
NINETY-EIGHT plus SEVENTY minus (FORTY times TWO) minus NINETEEN plus EIGHT minus ln(E)
[= 76]

ELEVEN minus TEN plus (SIX times VI) =
(X times VII) minus L plus SEVENTEEN
[= 37]

(NINETY multiplied by TWO) plus EIGHTY-TWO minus TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN plus SEVENTY-FIVE minus SIXTY-TWO plus sin(ln(E) minus ln(E)) =
(ONE MILLION divided by TWENTY THOUSAND) plus EIGHTEEN plus TWENTY minus FORTY-SIX plus TWELVE minus NINE plus TWENTY minus SIX
[= 59]

(cot(PI divided by FOUR) times sin(PI divided by FOUR)) to the power of (TWENTY plus ONE) =
(cos(PI divided by FOUR)) to the power of ((NINETY-TWO times TEN) plus (PI divided by FOUR)
[= 1]

cot((ln(E) to the power of (EIGHTY plus SEVENTY)) times (PI divided by (NINETEEN minus FIFTEEN))) =
sec(((PI plus NINETY-ONE) divided by (ELEVEN to the power of FIFTY-EIGHT)) times (TEN minus TEN))
[= 1]

sinh(negative SEVEN) divided by (((TWENTY divided by (FOUR times FIVE)) to the power of (E to the power of TWO)) plus NINETY) =
(((E to the power of negative SEVEN) minus (E to the power of SEVEN)) divided by TWO) divided by (FIFTY-TWO plus THIRTY-NINE)
[= -6.02545...]

FIFTY-EIGHT minus ELEVEN minus ((SEVENTY-EIGHT minus FOUR) times tan(PI)) =
EIGHTY minus EIGHTEEN minus TEN minus (FIVE times tan(FORTY plus FIVE))
[= 47]

FORTY minus FIFTEEN plus TWO minus SEVENTEEN plus SIXTY =
(FOUR times TEN) plus FIFTY-SIX minus TWENTY-SEVEN plus ONE
[= 70]

(SIX minus V) to the power of EIGHTEEN =
(IX minus EIGHT) to the power of SEVEN
[= 1]

[ln = natural logarithm
log = logarithm to base 10
sin, cos, tan, sec, cot = sine, cosine, tangent, secant, cotangent
sinh = hyperbolic sine
e = Euler's transcendental constant (2.71828...)]

 

David Bourke with:
Mr Tambourine Man

 

Maurice Goddard with:
"COLLINS GEM Babies Names - Revised edition" =
Besides Glen, Di & evil ice monster Osama Bin:
Irving, Bennet, Sadie, Decima, Blossom & Elsie.
Gervais, Sebbie, Clint, Simone, Esmond & Delia.
Gavin, Bessie, Dermot, Emblin, Candis & Eloise.
Clive, Egbert, Simon, Desmond, Albinia & Essie.
Silvester, Emblin, Gideon, Bess, Decima & Iona.
Denis, Simone, Blase, Dominic, Gabriel & Steve.
Davida, Clement, Bessie, Gini, Irene & Blossom.
Glenice, Evadne, Bessie, Dmitri, Blossom & Ina.
Denise, Simone, Bessie, Colm, Gilbert & Davina.
Sion, Seonaid, Bridget, Aveline, Emblem & Ciss.
Ess, Damon, Bessie, Dominic, Gilbert & Aveline.
Salome, Sine, Bess, Evaline, Bridget & Dominic.

 

Adrian Hickford with:
Art, Science and Religion =
It is clear: end ignorance.
Readers in ancient logic.
Sincere and angelic trio.
Cited learning scenario.
Doctrine: "Learning is ace".
A sinner; electrician; God.

 

Lardy Girl with:
Ten Commandments

 

Walter Newboldt with:
A Tragedy: Theodore Marzials

 

Walter Newboldt with:
A collection of nursery rhymes

 

Judson Pewther with:
Terrorist Osama bin Laden =
Islam's obedient narrator? ~ No! A terrible, mad arsonist!

 

James H. Young with:
So, Mere Creation (Two redivider poems)

 


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