David Bourke

Anagrammy Awards > Literary Archives > David Bourke

Original text in yellow, anagram in pink.

A song by Bob Dylan.

MR. TAMBOURINE MAN

Hey! Mister Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mister Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you.

Take me for a trip upon your magic swirling ship,
And my senses have been stripped,
And my hands can't feel to grip,
And my toes too numb to step,
Waiting only for my boot heels to be wandering.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade,
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
I promise I'll go under it.

Hey! Mister Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and nobody cares where I'm going to.
Hey! Mister Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following.

Take me disappearing down the smoke rings of my mind,
Through the foggy ruins of time, down past the frightened leaves,
And the lifeless frozen trees, way down to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
I wanna dance beneath the diamond sky,
With one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Please let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mister Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and nobody knows where I'm going to.
Hey! Mister Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following.

MR. TALIBAN MAN

Hey mister Taliban man, give Bin Laden to me now,
Or we'll blow Afghanistan into a parking lot.
Hey mister Taliban man, go close them training camps,
For the World Trade Center/Pentagon jets, you'll rot.

Hey mister Taliban man, from Kabul to Jalalabad,
We fight to finish foes off, no negotiation.
Hey mister Taliban man, from Kandahar to Mazar-e-Sharif,
Enjoy my Stealth Bomber power to flatten your damn nation.

September eleven, Ground Zero, New York. Twisted twin-towers implode,
Get the slimy moneybags moral pygmy! Wanted live or dead.
My missiles dip, targeting one-eyed Mullah Omar,
In deep, deep doo-doo, many mujihadeen lemmings fled.

Biological, chemical warfare? Funny white powder in my post?
Shame on you! Pinching food from dying Afghan masses!
Hey, no-one frightens America. My ground troops? Going in!
Yep, we've got air superiority, time to go whip yo' frigging asses!

In downtown Manhattan, new hopes, one tremendous unity;
N.Y.P.D... firemen... fine heroes, left feeling the pain so long.
Pure grief, weeping, crying... memories, they come and go,
The mood, my enemy? You're deemed wrong, plain wrong.

Hey mister Taliban man, we'd boot you up the Khyber Pass,
The world's on my side, Northern Alliance men too.
Run, mystery Taliban man, get Osama from his cave for me,
Else in the jihad-jangly morning we'll come get you.

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Affirmation, by Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe in Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, and use feng shui, no shit.
I believe Tony Blair's not one little Euro-toady utter smarmy git.
I believe God made our Universe, the moon's made out of gooey gruyere cheese.
I believe teeny beauty Britney Spears may yet be a sweet wee virgin. (Please!)

I believe you, Bill Clinton, when you say weed you did not inhale.
I believe Elvis Presley, he now works up at British Rail.
I believe that Dolly Parton's gorgeous bust, it's absolutely real.
I believe that black guy's dongs are even longer than a conger eel.

I believe that Richard Gere did not bung even one wee gerbil up his butt.
I even believe you Madonna, you've tried to keep your legs tight shut.
I believe you, America. Indeed, you easily understand what irony is.
I believe Prince Philip would even to this very day root Liz.

I believe Australia, you're too polite, too suave, too refined.
I believe Freddie Mercury never got out his tongue up even one behind.
I believe Hitler was a pretty devout tolerant teuton bloke.
I believe even you Germans, you eventually get the humour in a funny joke.

I believe Skoda. Sure, you make some very good top prestige cars.
I believe Michael Jackson's a three-eyed deviant white alien out from Mars.
I believe the view that poor Diana was a hushed-up victim of the S.A.S.
I believe in voodoo, the yeti, wee green monsters at the bottom of Loch Ness.

I believe George 'Dubya' Bush, you see, he's so very, very intelligent.
I believe Barry Manilow's enormous snout is not too over-prominent.
I believe the Taliban were about fun, and were good enough to women too.
I believe a good wank's way better than even having sex, don't you?

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Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You
Stevie Nicks

Has anyone ever written anything for you?
In all your darkest hours,
Have you ever heard me sing?
Listen to me now,
You know I'd rather be alone,
Than be without you,
Don't you know?

Has anyone ever given anything to you?
In your darkest hours,
Did you ever give it back?
Well, I have.
I have given that to you,
If it's all I ever do,
This is your song.

And the rain comes down,
There's no pain and there's no doubt,
It was easy to say,
I believed in you everyday.
If not for me,
Then do it for the world.

Has anyone ever written anything for you?
And in your darkest sorrow,
Did you ever hear me sing?
Listen to me now,
You know I'd rather be alone,
Than be without you,
Don't you know?

So, if not for me, then do it for yourself,
If not for me, then do it for the world.
Poet... priest of nothing,
Poet... priest of nothing.

Written by Stevie Nicks in tribute to the late three-and-a-half-year-old of her then love, one Mr Walsh (guitarist in 'Eagles' as you may, or you may not know), who in grief had built a tiny silver drinking fountain, in Denver, Colorado, dedicated to his brave daughter, and 'to any of you tiny young kids who only want a drink'. So, one snowy day, on intuition, he took Stevie out in a hire off-roader for about two hours, to view it, in order to show her not to worry, to open her eyes, to find out that her own 'heavy heavy touring problems' were nothing, even kinda funny, if you set them off against very hard ones people endure every day, alone or in union, (ie: the death of your youngster, even). You know, Stevie was so very moved by this story, she wrote this yearning tune for him, the most personal, unifying one she ever wrote, do you not think? I do.

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"Britain's funniest joke"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion, and says: "Look up to the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says: "I see millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, and if a few planets are like Earth, there might also be life." Holmes replies: "No, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent!"

So, at last, voted Britain's funniest new piece of humour by some one hundred thousand helpful people that Dr. Richard Wiseman of Hertfordshire University asked, the mad senile geek. Ha ha! Ho ho! Tee hee! Look, it's so totally side-splitting that I'm spraying coffee and toast on my new PC's screen as I do this nonsense long anagram, almost soaked. Well well, what a total mess!

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Updated: May 10, 2016


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