SEPTEMBER 2004 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2004


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Hans-Peter Reich with:
An endangered species =
See a race's end pending.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A speeding car =
Daring escape!

3rd - Jaybur with:
Anonymous message =
No name, so may guess.

David Bourke with:
The hammer and sickle ~
made the Kremlin cash.

Larry Brash with:
The doctor-patient relationships =
In short, it's people trained to chat.

Larry Brash with:
Enough already! =
End, gal... you hear?

Tony Crafter with:
Picked up tab =
Tipped a buck.

Tony Crafter with:
Despair now hits ~
person with AIDS.

Tony Crafter with:
Acid indigestion =
Dietician's doing?

Chris Doyle with:
Cold turkey
Truly coked.

Chris Doyle with:
A nicotine arm patch =
Nip the carcinomata!

Jesse Frankovich with:
Old aroma =
A malodor.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The airplane hostess =
She's pleasant to hire.

Scott Gardner with:
Hurricane evacuations =
I vacate house, run in car.

Toby Gottfried with:
"If the shoe fits, wear it" ~
is fair - with those feet.

Adrian Hickford with:
Flowering =
Life grown.

Adrian Hickford with:
The doctor-patient relationships =
Send to the hospital practitioner.

Jaybur with:
The natural remedies ~
that men used earlier.

Jaybur with:
A dignified veteran =
Air defined vintage.

Jaybur with:
The artist and designer ~
had interesting trades.

Jaybur with:
An Indian Summer =
I'm a red man in sun!

Meyran Kraus with:
A speeding car =
Crap! I need gas!

Meyran Kraus with:
Ancient Pyramids =
Man inside a crypt.

Paul Lusch with:
The doctor-patient relationship =
Short chat and polite repetition.

Paul Lusch with:
Nasal congestion
Cleansing a snoot.

Allan Morley with:
Alongside =
Aligned so.

Allan Morley with:
Trampoline =
More pliant.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Cigarette consumption =
I'm setting up cancer, too.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
A volcano eruption =
Notice lava pour, no?

Rick Rothstein with:
Cigarette consumption
I got cancer; I'm not upset.

Rick Rothstein with:
Professional wrestling ~
inspires a strong fellow.

Rick Rothstein with:
The perfect secretary =
Secret? Her pretty face.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A huge lardy one =
Enough already.

View with:
Progeria =
Prior age.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Ceiling murals of the Sistine Chapel =
Hail Michelangelo's finest pictures!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Star Wars Trilogy DVD release =
Darth Vader story we sell is great!

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
American television show =
Has some raw violence in it.

David Bourke with:
John Patrick McEnroe's autobiography 'Serious' =
A super-hot American sporting hero's juicy book.

Larry Brash with:
American television shows =
Most are naive clones (I wish).

Tony Crafter with:
'Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft' =
Tragic Carpenter finally plans UFO contact.

Tony Crafter with:
The cast of 'Dallas' =
Daft as the locals.

Toby Gottfried with:
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man =
Author paints a story of main target.

Toby Gottfried with:
American television shows =
Less comes in via the air now.

David A. Green with:
Patrick McGoohan in 'The Prisoner' =
Kosher chap acting in Port Merion.

Jaybur with:
"The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music" =
Hi! She hollers movie hit and it's awful cute!

Jaybur with:
The computer-animated movie, 'Shrek Two' =
We have methods: market motion picture.

Meyran Kraus with:
'The Sopranos' Wins Emmy for Drama =
Smart show preys on modern mafia.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
To boldly go where no man has gone before... =
Ha, hero begs fellow to range beyond moon.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Feebly, I try to cheer a ~
celebrity of the year.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The Presidential election =
Select the perennial idiot!

2nd - Chris Doyle with:
Senator John Forbes Kerry =
Rent-a-bore. Sorry, he's no JFK!

3rd - Jaybur with:
Beslan School, Russia =
Oh, no classes. Burials.

Larry Brash with:
Hostage Mr. Kenneth Bigley =
Grey, bent, shaken... LET HIM GO!!

Tony Crafter with:
Petrol prices set to rise again =
Rioters rage at pipeline costs.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Bush/Kerry Election
By the rules, I reckon.

GOLDFERN with:
Storm-weary Florida braces for Ivan =
Scan astir for more, very bad airflow.

Scott Gardner with:
The assault weapons bill =
Well, USA hates pistol ban!

Scott Gardner with:
Chechen separatists =
The "resistance" chaps.

Scott Gardner with:
The Bush administration =
Time his nation hurts bad.

Toby Gottfried with:
Hurricane Frances =
Ranchers face ruin.

Meyran Kraus with:
The US Presidential Nominee, John Forbes Kerry =
Inspirited noone here - frankly, he just bores me.

Paul Lusch with:
Defiant Iran starts the processing of uranium =
And sure has increasing effort to put it in arms.

Paul Lusch with:
Florida is battered =
Fatal debris or tide.

Rick Rothstein with:
Hurricane Frances =
Chancier near surf.

Rick Rothstein with:
The two thousand four elections =
How uncool for the United States.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Wayne Rooney's home debut hat-trick =
Why Manchester United take "Roo" boy.


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, the Lady with a Lamp =
This Crimea War angel, on duty helping the fallen.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The actress Marilyn Monroe =
Hey, immortal star on screen!

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The number one golfer in the world, Vijay Singh =
Now he revels in the darn joy of humbling Tiger.

David Bourke with:
The Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney =
One burly meathead's often into a whore recently.

David Bourke with:
The Kiss bass guitarist and vocalist Gene Simmons =
A bit long, this masked narcissist's massive tongue!

Tony Crafter with:
Irish dancer Michael Flatley =
Hi! A chancy Emerald Isle flirt.

Scott Gardner with:
The actress Lindsay Lohan =
A child starlet, she annoys!

Scott Gardner with:
George Bush Senior =
Oh, sires one bugger!

Toby Gottfried with:
The Saudi Arabian Ambassador =
I, 'Bandar Bush', amass aid to area.

Adrian Hickford with:
Madonna and Guy Ritchie =
Hating and acrimony due...

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Emperors Nero and Caligula =
Deplore again cruel Romans.

Rick Rothstein with:
The historic emperors Nero and Caligula =
Each ruler's the original despotic Roman.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Chris Doyle with:
The National Rifle Association =
Fanatical loonies are into this.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Gun Owners Action League =
Cease gun regulation now!

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Weight Watchers International, Inc. ~
ran neat clinic where waist got thin.

David Bourke with:
Hampstead's underground station =
Dug so that trains run so damn deep!

David Bourke with:
Bates, Wells and Braithwaite Solicitors =
The best law brains, or idiots? Cells await!

David Bourke with:
Listermint Antiseptic Mouthwash =
Can stem halitosis? Triumph! It went!

David Bourke with:
Pitcairn Island =
It's plain rancid!

Larry Brash with:
The Australian Medical Directory =
Read the records. I am actually in it.

Tony Crafter with:
The Stonehenge riddle =
This noted legend here.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Department of Homeland Security =
They protect us from damned alien.

Toby Gottfried with:
South Americans =
Are most... uh, Incas?

Toby Gottfried with:
The National Rifle Association =
I shot at least one in California.

Jaybur with:
WeightWatchers International =
The target: win an inch war - lose it!

Jaybur with:
Rather race ~
the Carrera.

Meyran Kraus with:
Giza's Ancient Pyramids =
A crypt's amazing inside!

Stephane Mot with:
Republican =
Crap in blue.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Word, Access =
Sacred cows.

Rick Rothstein with:
London Fashion Week =
Howl if no one's naked.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months (Oscar Wilde) =
I exclaimed: "How is it women's favorite outfits or best silver shoes last no longer than half a year?"

2nd - David Bourke with:
The English wartime singer Dame Vera Margaret Lynn =
Damn Germans hate her very stirring "We'll Meet Again"!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'I hope you'll come and join us, and the world will live as one.' (From song: 'Imagine') =
John Lennon's melodious dream: 'I'm holding out for Peace. Evil, sin, will go away.'

David Bourke with:
The late South African industrialist Sir Robert Alastair Newton Morton =
Sure, it's all down to his toil that Eurostar trains ran me Britain to France.

David Bourke with:
McNeil Consumer and Specialty Pharmaceuticals =
Technical crap: Imodium cleans-up any rectal mess.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine =
Oft the abettor of their open armed conflict in Israel.

Toby Gottfried with:
The election of the President of the United States of America =
The nice safe Democrat is effete; the other one, stupid in total.

David A. Green with:
'Uncle Tom's Cabin, or Life among the Lowly' by Harriet Beecher Stowe =
A nice story: we chiefly met Negroes who labor but become in thrall.

David A. Green with:
'Romance Fiction: A Guide to the Genre' by Kristin Ramsdell =
Girl met boyfriend Denis... neck a lot... marriage... then coitus!

Jaybur with:
Vijay Singh, a golfer, rejoicing in a name that is very difficult to anagram using only its own letters =
Oh, let's try to find a gem. 'V', 'J' (a cruel, infuriating 'J'!) a vowel missing. I can try, say, FORE! Then... losing it again.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Encyclopaedia Britannica Two Thousand-Four Deluxe Edition =
Educated, alphabetic index tool you own has a current definition.


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to provide anagrammed speech bubbles for a photograph from the recent anagrammatists' get-together in London. The left-hand side of each anagram is spoken by Tony Crafter (holding a copy of William Tunstall-Pedoe's Anagram Genius book); the right-hand side is Tunstall-Pedoe's reply.

1st - Meyran Kraus with:


2nd - David Bourke with:
"Mr William Tunstall-Pedoe! I am your biggest fan!" =
"Swell! I'm a little bit proud of my Anagram Genius!"

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
"Hey! Note this down-and-out loon gave this to me for free." =
"Now I only have ten thousand more of these to get rid of."

Larry Brash with:
"William, any more plans for these Anagram Genius books?" =
"I'm also making up a somewhat large library of nonsense."

Tony Crafter with:
"Wild story, son!" =
"It's only words."

Dan Fortier with:
"You did all these ANAGRAMs?! You must be a GENIUS!" =
"You bet! (LAUGHS) Using it as ad made us real money!"

Jesse Frankovich with:
"Care for another Stella?" =
"Those are all on Crafter!"

Jesse Frankovich with:
"My interest's YOU, pal..." =
"It's my pleasure, Tony."

Jesse Frankovich with:
"It's a grand one, William!" =
"Well, I do anagrams in it."

Toby Gottfried with:
"You filled this entire book with... anagrams??" =
"I'm the genius behind it. Always look for art."

David A. Green with:
"William, we have run out of paper in the gents. Any suggestions?" =
"Yes, when venting I use rolls of that Anagram Genius to wipe up!"

David A. Green with:
"What's that you're holding in your left hand Mr Tunstall-Pedoe?" =
"Aha! Don't laugh. My dreadful short little unnoteworthy penis."

Jaybur with:
"So all the drinks are on you then, William, right?" =
"Oh, hardly! Listen, I'm a networking author: I sell!"

Jaybur with:
"You must be WILLIAM?" =
"I am: we must BILL you."

Jaybur with:
"'Tunstall-Pedoe', double-barrelled... you must be rich, surely?" =
"Blue-blooded, ultra pure, yes, sure...but don't call me Shirley!"

Meyran Kraus with:
"Hey William, would you sign it for me?" =
"Ow!! I'm sure I will, if you let my hand go!"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Why so happy? I get to count on Rolex camera to avow I'd upper hand!" =
"'Cos new video photo (an X-ray) captured what you're hoping to palm!"

Paul Pan with:
"Pray, sign this defamed but hot & neat anagram portfolio, ol' poof!" =
"No time for autographs, old beast, I'm off to play the grand piano!"

Hans-Peter Reich with:
"The smile on your face suggests you made it to the toilet in time?!" =
"O my, seemingly I felt it come out, get it? Oh, and the tissues are out..."

Christopher Sturdy with:
"Funny book's full of shit. Tut tut - each word I come to's very rude." =
"You should know. You contributed the most vile stuff, Crafter."


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
'A Story Wet As Tears' by Marge Piercy

 

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on November Second, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again, and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States." (V.P. Richard Cheney)

=

After the shocking statement, Bush's inevitable act was to fire Cheney.
"I had the godawful note read to me again. It was beyond belief", the president muttered. "I still can't get past the 'avoid the wrong choice' bit. Can someone tell me what the hell was he thinking? Why was he advocating Kerry?!"

 

3rd - David Bourke with:
The book 'The Haynes Workshop Manual: Woman.
Age 16 years to 21 recurring. All models, shapes, sizes and colours
- The practical guide to women's health for men'
=
How to:
- Chat her up.
- Undo bra.
- Grease nipples.
- Wash undercarriage.
- Oil 'G-zone'.
- Fill any holes / marks.
- Make the slut scream: "OOH! AH!! YES!!!" (Needs own tool - at most 12-16 cm.)

 

David Bourke with:
Hello my name is Marc, after suffering from acne and oily skin for years
I finally discovered a cure about two years ago. Ever since, my face has
been oil and acne free! I've decided to publish an ebook detailing my
amazing cure.

If you suffer from oil skin or acne please go to my website...

http://oilfreeskin.cjb.net

Your problem can be cured within one week!

=

Dear Marc,

I remember I also used to be an ugly acne-ridden teenage kid
(of fourteen) with a chronic sprinkling of juicy, creamy zits all
over my scabby, oily eyesore of a face. So I had a skin graft
from off my bum. Now nineteen, look! I have a genuine, perfect,
pimples-free cleaner face. But, trouble is, I now have a discernible
crooked funny sideways smile, too!

 

David Bourke with:
The Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair,
the Prime Minister, MP for Sedgefield, the First
Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service.
=
Spin-doctoring horrific little red Hitler, very much more
interested in a hunt ban/P.R. than terrorism/the life of
a British hostage. All very sly. He offends me.

 

David Bourke with:
It is Spring here and last Sunday, I walked out my front door to a beautiful sunny morning. I thought that the garden was worth photographing and sharing with you all.

So here it is:
Larry's garden

I did the landscaping on my own several years ago (pre-Internet days).

Japanese Maple - left centre, Wistaria - centre, Several Azalia bushes left centre

Larry

=

Very pleasant, Larry, you neat Australian person! I suppose I'm jealous! It's late Autumn here, and it's freezing. I thought my no-nonsense rear yard was worth photographing and sharing with you.

So here it is:
David's garden

Half a long ladder. A bicycle wheel and frame. Weeds. - Right
Stinking pongy cat litter. - Centre
Trash, a wine bottle, and rats. - Left

David

 

Tony Crafter with:
There was a young tar from the sea,
Who screwed a baboon in a tree;
The result was most horrid,
All arse and no forehead,
Four balls and a purple goatee!
=
Proof that, although she's a swinger, a lad must not screw an ape. Woo her; send flowers; be a real Romeo; fine. But be a dear - treat her as a lady. No rude oral.

 

Toby Gottfried with:
It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on
November Second, we make the right choice, because if we
make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get
hit again, and we'll be hit in a way that will be
devastating from the standpoint of the United States.
=
Get it?
This time, we can't be astonished that we become that
Wanted-Dead-or-Alive-but-Still-on-the-Loose Osama Bin
Laden's target. It can mean a few votes in the ugly,
reeking plans of the whacko lightweights Bush/Cheney to
fight the election with Kerry/Edwards, a fine team.

 


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet Number Two by William Shakespeare

 

2nd - David Bourke with:
Piano Man

 

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
the pet goat

 

Tony Crafter with:
There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was screwed by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
And then by ten men,
Sir Gerald again,
And the band at the Waldorf Astoria!
=
Sir Gerald, mad-eyed at their fun,
Wades in armed with a dagger and gun;
"Ye ragtime bastards!" he calls,
"Draw away - or no balls."
Now they're a band on the run. (Oi!)

 


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The bikini model =
"I'm, like, hot in bed!"

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Adult film star =
A tall, firm stud.

3rd - David Bourke with:
To boldly go where no man has gone before... =
Fella woos her, no bra... go to bed, hymen gone!

David Bourke with:
Stuck in a bit of a rut =
I fuck about in tarts.

David Bourke with:
Naturist colonies =
Anne's clitoris out.

Tony Crafter with:
Sticky Toffee Pudding =
Fuck! Stop defying diet!

Tony Crafter with:
Let's have an early night =
Naively: 'Shag later then?'

Adrian Hickford with:
Animal cruelty =
Really, I'm a cunt.

Paul Pan with:
Boy incest =
Obscenity.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Sick and tired =
Strained dick!

Rick Rothstein with:
Long-term relationship =
The trollop's remaining?


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