SEPTEMBER 2010 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Our golden wedding anniversary =
We're old, gray and on nine IV drugs.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Vatican doctrine =
A divine contract?

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Computer newbies . =
IneptWebUser.com

Andrew Brehaut with:
Pirate's goal =
A great spoil.

Rosie Perera with:
Canned laughter =
Unchanged later.

Rik Sengupta with:
Give lots, when ~
we love things.

View with:
Piece of mind =
Deep, omnific.

Larry Brash with:
Peace of mind ~
if one camped.

Ellie Dent with:
Political memoirs =
Immortal policies.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Crime does not pay =
Cop may endorse it.

Adie Pena with:
Secretarial pool =
Corporate allies?

Rosie Perera with:
Beating a dead horse =
Hordes debate again.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
A tree falls in the forests =
That's so self-referential.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
"All of the above" is wise ~
is what a fool believes.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Software vulnerabilities ~
ruin all favorite websites.

Tony Crafter with:
The mysterious phenomena of crop circle sets =
Oh my soul! Those perfect masterpieces in corn!

Rick Rothstein with:
One's self-portrait =
I flatter person so.

Rosie Perera with:
Short-sheeting someone's bed =
Design soon bothers them, see?

Andrew Brehaut with:
Large screen =
Larger scene.

View with:
A suicide note =
So, a cue - I end it.

Rik Sengupta with:
My alienation =
I am alone, tiny :(

Scott Gardner with:
The marriage proposal =
I, a groom later, perhaps?

Scott Gardner with:
Golden years =
Snore agedly

Dharam Khalsa with:
I end loss in court with the jeer: ~
"Is there no justice in the world?"

Rosie Perera with:
A movie script ‡
Improvise act.

Ellie Dent with:
Eating for two? =
Or, now I get fat.

View with:
The marriage proposal =
O, proper aim - gal's heart!

Ellie Dent with:
The path to true enlightenment =
It meant hope then gentle truth.

David Bourke with:
Doze, or ~
do zero.

Rosie Perera with:
Digital books versus the "dead tree version"? =
I've used both. Kindle's storage is overrated.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Lipogrammatic sentences. =
Am missing letter. Can cope :-)

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Machismo =
I'm a schmo!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
The wisest anagrammists ~
swim against the streams.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hospital's emergency room =
My hope's slim, get a coroner!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Vatican's doctrine =
It contradicts Heaven.

David Bourke with:
La dottrina della chiesa Cristiana =
Declaration in Italia's cathedrals

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Spaghetti carbonara =
Pasta, bacon are right.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
In record studios ~
is sound director.

Ellie Dent with:
Blessed sacrament =
Massed celebrants.

Meyran Kraus with:
A domestic violence shelter =
Sad clients come to live here.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Counting the calories, fats and carbs =
Such a diet can be a constant for girls.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Midterm elections =
Enlisted recommit.

Ivan Andonov with:
Epicanthus =
China setup

Nikola Zivanovic with:
Low-fat recipes =
Fowl, paste, rice...

Dharam Khalsa with:
My daily affirmation =
I'm a fairly fit dynamo!


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson =
It's our landlubber in tense story overseas.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Simon and Garfunkel hit, 'Homeward Bound' =
Had hummed this one on brand new folk guitar!

3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Shatner spouts ~
"Phasers to stun."

Meyran Kraus with:
Teen girl is watching ~
a 'Twilight' screening.

Ellie Dent with:
The Master of Impressionism =
So first, I emphasise, Mr. Monet

Rik Sengupta with:
The Beach Boys =
They be *so* Bach.

Rik Sengupta with:
Aladdin, Jasmine and Genie =
Gee, Asian lad, maiden, djinn.

Adie Pena with:
"Despicable Me" in Three-D =
"Respectable him" indeed!

Tony Crafter with:
The Simon and Garfunkel hit-song, 'America' =
Folk musicians' grand anthem on heritage.

View with:
The 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' =
Snotty, funny, sprightly, comic, eh?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Monty Python musical 'Spamalot' =
No cut ham meat; it's all top symphony!

Dharam Khalsa with:
'Monty Python's Flying Circus' =
Sport cycling--Oh my, it's funny!

Rosie Perera with:
The singer Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta =
Fans note: on a jet, her entertaining name is L. Gaga.

Rosie Perera with:
The Craig Gillespie movie "Lars and the Real Girl" =
The raving male hires eager plastic girlie doll.

Scott Gardner with:
Lewis Carroll's poem "The Hunting of the Snark" =
He'll claim that work's of right pure nonsense

David Bourke with:
The singer Bono and guitarist 'The Edge' =
God-bothering is guaranteed in the set!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
We've something to tell the US president, Barack Obama =
We must leave the Mideast alone. Bring back the troops!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Nigerian floods ruin crops =
Poor cursing rain on fields.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
George Michael is sent to gaol =
Oh, megastar going to cell, I see.

Rik Sengupta with:
Child sex abuse in Portugal =
Group hit lads? Inexcusable.

View with:
Tropical Storm Earl =
Scat, or mortal peril!

Tony Crafter with:
Tony Blair: 'A Journey'. =
'I Jaunt', by rare loony.

Rosie Perera with:
World Suicide Prevention Day (this Friday) =
"Crap! Don't die this way; I'd live!" -- Your friends

View with:
San Bruno explosion =
One? O no, six pals burn!

View with:
San Bruno explosion =
Obnoxious planners.

David Bourke with:
The singer George Michael =
High, emerges erect in gaol.

Rosie Perera with:
No fat kids tried ~
a diet soft drink.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton =
Fate: Clinch "Rally to Restore Sanity."

Andrew Brehaut with:
The actress Lindsay Lohan ~
shall stay constrained, eh?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Southwest Airlines and AirTran plan to merge =
Delta warns national peers, "It's our nightmare!"

Rosie Perera with:
United Airlines' new fame/honor on urban TV monitors =
Number one in on-time arrivals for Two Thousand Nine.

Meyran Kraus with:
Segway chief Jimi Heselden, a millionaire =
I enjoy each hillside as if I were a lemming!

Dharam Khalsa with:
U.S. flies the Philippine flag upside down =
It's espied high up, linen flipped. So awful!

Adie Pena with:
Afghanistan parliamentary election =
A nation partially fears cheating men.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Thomas Arne =
A short name

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The World's Shortest Man, Colombian, Edward Hernandez =
Born small - comes 'down-sized' rather than 'down-hearted'!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Simon/Garfunkel =
Men sung folk air.

View with:
The famous singer Maria Callas =
Ah, remains most La Scala figure!

David Bourke with:
Michael Andrew Caines =
He's acclaimed a winner.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf =
But half fear a Muslim idea.

Ivan Andonov with:
The serial killer Ivan Milat =
Villains like him rate alert!

Adie Pena with:
Clyde Tolson and J. Edgar Hoover =
Lover escorted old and gay John?

Meyran Kraus with:
American author James Fenimore Cooper =
Major epic features one Mohican roamer.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tony Curtis, star in "Some Like it Hot" =
Notes, "This is our ticket to Marilyn!"


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The messaging website Twitter =
It's the biggest new time-waster!

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist =
Celebrate a mass, thus feed on Christ.

eq3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Curses! It hit ice in its path... ~
it's the cruise ship Titanic

eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Liberal Democrats =
Calm deliberators.

Tony Crafter with:
Thames Valley Gay Police Association =
Cops stay at village YMCA ‘in loo’? Ah, I see.

Rik Sengupta with:
The ship Titanic =
Its path: thin ice.

View with:
A lottery of Mega Millions =
A lot of money, still mirage.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
California State Prison =
Life as procrastination.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Disney Store chain =
There's syndication, eh!

Rosie Perera with:
A new Toshiba laptop computer =
Somewhat utopian portable PC.

Rosie Perera with:
Florists' Transworld Delivery =
Dirty vans; still, order flowers!

Rosie Perera with:
The Harley-Davidson Company ~
sold a very handy top machine.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Any port in a storm, i.e., ~
Oyster Point Marina.

Ellie Dent with:
The National Association of Cider Makers =
Fermentation is social: I choose a tankard!

Rosie Perera with:
The Chicago Tribune newspaper =
Got cheer when Cubs appear in it.

Adie Pena with:
Disney World, Orlando =
An odd or silly wonder.

David Bourke with:
The Houses of Parliament, in Westminster =
Famous simpletons are sent within there!

Ivan Andonov with:
Kurdistan region =
Gone in Turk raids


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A kindly Mother Superior called the nuns together and said, "I have to announce that we've a case of gonorrhoea in the ~
convent."
"Oh, I thank the Heavens!" said one nun elder to a colleague at the group's rear, "I am so tired of Chardonnay White."

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The two little misconceptions that some Americans may entertain about the tricky issue of a "Ground Zero Mosque"=
1. It's not the main Ground Zero site (it's a couple of blocks away);
2. That's not a mosque, either (it's a mere community center)!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
God was talking to Archangel Gabriel. 'Do you know, I've created a twenty-four hour period of alternating light and darkness.' =
'Profound thinking, ensuring great work! Whatever can you go on to do after that?' asked Gabriel.' 'I'll call it a day' answered God.

David Bourke with:
The National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome =
Once-a-month solutions for many irate ladies' partners.

David Bourke with:
The Manchester United and England footballer Wayne Mark Rooney =
*Another* grim whore taken...Coleen and son fundamentally betrayed.

Ellie Dent with:
Old Japanese proverb: 'One kind word can warm three winter months.' =
Men's pajamas work: do prove better when in a colder Northern wind.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Helen Keller said, "The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision." =
So, this blind woman's tutor was a skilled heroine, even teaching her the most honest philosophies!

View with:
Mercury, Venus, The Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto =
Just vacuum. Nine planets turn around Sun. Her rays put her temperature

David Bourke with:
George Michael placed into solitary confinement for his own safety =
Horrifically gloomy, no companion. (He'd get a stiff sentence, as it were!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Philip Roth is a good writer, but I wouldn't want to shake hands with him."--Jacqueline Susann =
The showdown: This man had "certain qualities" that would poison a junk-publishing writer?

David Bourke with:
Tesco to sell you half-price Viagra tablets over the counter =
I've bought at cost for a concrete arousal..."Every little helps!"

Adie Pena with:
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." =

That happy portrait serves well the stupidity of some humans then like George Bush, Sarah Palin.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Ed Miliband is victorious in the Labour Party's leadership contest.
=
His older brother David loses in it, partly because unions impact it!


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
1!It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
Oh, Cary has a tiny sheep
It has a frosty hue
And here/there that Cary goes
The tiny beast goes too.
Teachers get to see it
Audacious at her side
And have to hear a 'baa' - odd!
If 'baa' one cannot hide.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.

=

Oh Barbara, she has a tot
That she has often fed;
He cannot even tie a shoe -
A catatonic head.
The guy's a dope, I do agree,
Yet it is sad to hear
A hearty country he debased
In eight atrocious years.

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.

=

I hate this idea - three characters short?
Too hard to arrange I'd have thought.
To essay the ode? That I refuse,
As a headache can often ensue.
I'd as soon stab a pin in each eye.
Ta-ta, good'ay, bye bye!

eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
Tot's Song

O*d *cDona*d had a far*
E-I-E-I-O
And on that far* he had ten shy shaggy sheep
E-I-E-I-O
Here a shy "Baa", there a shy "Baa"
Every*here that constant stuttered, "B-a-a"!

Chorus (taut staccato):

E-I-E-I-O
E-I-E-I-O

View with:
ithout three etters
aybe better
to rhye a song
(not a very strong)
Unfunny, idiotic
Frantic or chaotic
Sad, bad, odd
So hep God!
A headache, sot, I hate
See, hy hesitate?
Aha, see a sea!
Aha, aha, aha! See?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bertha has one hairy sheep,
Soft as cottage cheese--
Oh, a curiosity of the area!
Yet, as the beast has a tendency
To eat such rough vegetation,
Indeed, it has diarrhea,
And dehydration too! Baaa!

Meyran Kraus with:
To a fancy area,
A region oh-so chaste,
Arrived a teenage eerie boy
That rather had bad taste.
He chose to say "DIE, ASSHO*E!",
"A FUC*IN' *HORE!" and "S*UT!",
So they had one neat idea...
To stitch the big yap shut.


Ellie Dent with:
Do I see a pig, or a dog?
And do I scent, or sense a hog,
A hunch, to eat? Oh, hey!
Taste a tender cut today.
Hush...it is a feast to be.
Hear the cry, the body, see.
Yes, it's over here...aaah,
I can hear that faint baaa...

Rosie Perera with:
A baby sheep, covered in shag
Attended a teacher's course.
Bad creature, it annoyed the hag.
Naughty and fast as a horse.

Tots said, "Hee hee! Yahoo!"
In the hot cafeteria.
"Yahooo......!"
It is the tots' aria.

Rosie Perera with:
A Dead Baa

Spring is for the critters' birth.
Then they nauseate the earth.
I say, catch and carve one, boss.
Then digest it, doused in sauce.
Yo-ho-ho! Aha! A feast!
Yeeehaaaaa! Ooh, they're good to eat!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"That's an odd one! Ha-ha-ha-ha!" assessed a cynic.
Hey, don't hesitate or be a yahoo critic;
Behave, get that essay idea together,
As it's another obtained feather
In your outrageous feathered cap!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sarah has a naughty ovine tiny;
It has a peach coat, so shiny!
About a neighborhood they strode.
After it defecated on the road,
A teacher says, "Atrocious beast!"
And Gia teased her, "Tehee tehee!"

Ellie Dent with:
Once a sheep, soft and shy,
is in the neighborhood,
a teacher haas to try,
see, even if baad or good.
But a hasty educator
there, haas aan aattitude.
I see a teacher ate her
Hic! Naasty this...yet good.

Larry Brash with:
Anne had an insane cat,
that behaved so horrific,
she got her to a doctor,
to test scientific.

Aah Aah! That is a good bet!
I eye puss ate your hash!
(Aye, aye, ate!) You need get
her to see a head Dr (Brash).

Christopher Sturdy with:
A she-bairn, nay a shepherdess
Hot footed A to B.
An adherent hot hoofed at her rear;
A gay sight to see.
The act buoyed a set to raise in voice -
Such audacity.
Teach has a go at her;
"Stay in, detainee"

Ellie Dent with:
Ary has a tiny sheep
A coat of frosty hue
And here/there that Ary goes
The tiny beast goes too.
And teachers get to see it
Audacious at her side
And behavior has to echo
'Baaa' a din he can't hide.


Adie Pena with:
They ca her a big bitch,
The hot or the aesoe ga,
A broad or that cheetah, too.
She's reay a fee fatae.
She'd do idiotic things,
Adept at deeds inhuan.
Or as the ise en aays say:
"You can never trust a oan."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Rose had a hideous baby goat,
The savagest in the area;
He punctured her throat!
Aha, in a haste of hysteria,
She chose to shoot it dead.
Yet, it can go into a cafeteria
On cheese and yeasty bread.

Meyran Kraus with:
Yahoo Serious's tune
Had aged one fated day.
(Yes, he is the Aussie prat
That had to nag or bray.)
A has-been act, I can agree -
I'd hate to hear that voice -
Yet there's a ton of H's, A's...
I had no better choice!


Dharam Khalsa with:
Bessie had a hungry goat;
Oh yes, a university taboo.
It ate her nice taffeta coat.
She had a one-eyed boa too.
They entertained at a church;
A priest there said, "Shoo!"
And she had to stage a search.

Ellie Dent with:
baa baa baa sheep
you got any oo?
yes sir yes sir three cases fu
one 4 the aster
one 4 the dae
and one 4 the itte gir
ho ives don the ane.

[Ha! A headache, this, too.
Afraid that I cut characters.
Dodgy, that.]

Meyran Kraus with:
Teeny Rita has a steer...
Fit as a coat, for heat.

Stevie "has" a horny goat...
That heathen! He is grounded!

Hattie has a caribou...
And gooey cheese on rye.

Catie had a baby sheep...
The doctor is astounded!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Anastasia has an ashen-faced herd;
They hoof it to the orchestra.
(I argue, it's not so absurd.)
They orchestrated ovine hysteria.
Tee-hee! Such a gaiety Ana had!
To a good piece, on beat, they baaed.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
I was very unhappy last night and got to thinking about my life - the ruined economy, the wars abroad, the dearth of any jobs, all those bad retirement fund losses, my wife's cheating... you get my drift?

So I phoned the Samaritans.

Got a freakin' call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was feeling suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

=

Naturist Scott was sunbathing starkers on the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep 'other' things from getting burned, he'd placed a hat over his manhood.

A woman in a bikini jiggled past and exclaimed sarcastically, "Hey, meathead, if you were any kinda gentleman you'd lift your hat."

Scott smiled and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it'd lift itself."

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Top 10 Female Erogenous Zones
10. Inner Thighs
9. Behind the Knees
8. Buttocks
7. Nape of the Neck
6. Ears
5. Feet
4. Wrists
3. Breasts (Nipples)
2. Vagina/Clitoris
1. Lips

=

Top 10 Male Passion Zones
1. 'Batons'
2. The 'Big Bone'
3. Cocks
4. The 'Fun Frankfurters'
5. The 'Little Soldiers'
6. Peckers
7. Penises (Again!)
8. The 'Thing'
9. Vipers
10. Weenies

3rd - David Bourke with:
A vicar checked himself into a hotel, and he said to the clerk in the reception, "I do so hope that the pornography channels up in my bedroom are disabled."
=
The chap replied, shaking his head, "No cripple videos, no chance! It's the more normal, able-bodied hardcore type instead. To think you're a man of the cloth!"

David Bourke with:
Mojo: "Finally, what would you do if your hair fell out?"

Paul Weller: "I'd be fucked. I'd have to get a job as a signwriter or something. My career would be totally out the fucking window. That really would be the end." =
From worldwide fame with The Jam, only to be reduced to a life wholly forgotten, languishing without a future...like David Bourke, I just belong up a ladder in a Rochester alleyway. You bloody well watch out!

Dharam Khalsa with:
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. After two weeks they came back and finally put away the presents they had received from friends and family. Since this was a new home, that process took some time. The silver plates went straight into the hall closet, some items of ethnic art were hung on the wall for display, and fine intimate apparel was put into the bedroom drawers.

A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular musical show for which tickets were impossible to find. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who had sent this gift. Inside the envelope, however, was only a little piece of paper with a single line:

"Guess who sent them."
=

Well, the perplexed pair had fun trying to identify the donor but failed in their effort. They went off to the show anyway and had a marvelous time.

But on their return, still trying to guess the identity of their host, they discovered that a shameless prowler had stripped their home of every article of value: a plasma TV, a fine art masterpiece, books, embroidered pillowcases, a necklace, the wife's negligee, keepsakes and mementos-- all their collective possessions. Wow, what an awful welcome! They were powerless. In the now empty dining room was a piece of paper on which was written, in the same handwriting as the message that had come with the complimentary tickets, the sentence:

"Now you know."

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."--George Eliot =
Fall is my favourite time! I could be a nightingale tourist, secure in white-edged clouded skies year-round, but we duteous wives stay home.

Meyran Kraus with:
Elvis Presley's "Yoga Is as Yoga Does"


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Human Seasons


eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
MONKTON HALL RESTAURANT.

A group of 40-year-old girlfriends were discussing where they should meet for dinner.

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because the waiters wore tight pants and had nice bums.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because the home-cooked food was very good and the selection of wines was very good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami, mainly because they could dine there in peace and quiet and it had an exceptionally beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because the establishment was now wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because they had never been there before.

=

AN ASTUTE DEALER

Several men were in the changing room of a golf club at Fort Lauderdale. Suddenly, a cell-phone on a seat rang and one of the guys engaged the hands-free function and started to chat.

Everyone else in the room paused to listen.

MAN: "Yes?"

WOMAN: "Sweetheart, it's Susie. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at a Lauderdale shopping centre and I have found an utterly beautiful Burberry leather coat. It's only $1,100. Can I buy it?"

MAN: "Yes, sure Susie. Go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "Really? Gee, thanks sweetie! I also called in at a Mercedes dealership and looked at their new 2010 models. There was a cherry-red sedan there that I really loved."

MAN: "I see. How much is it?"

WOMAN: "$74,600."

MAN: "Yes, let's get it; but for that price I'd require all the added accessories as standard."

WOMAN: "Super! Er... there is one other thing, dear... The house that we were after last year is on the market again. They are asking eight-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars."

MAN: "Well, go ahead and offer them 800K. They'll probably accept that. If they don't reduce, we can easily afford the extra fifty. It is an unusually fair price."

WOMAN: "Great! See you later, sweetheart! I love you so much."

MAN: "'Bye Susie. I love you too."

The man hung up. The other guys in the changing room were staring at him in open-mouthed astonishment... He smiled and said:

"Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"


eq2nd - David Bourke with:
You were Spain


eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
OLD __________ NEVER DIE...


Tony Crafter with:
Ballad of Davy Crockett


Ellie Dent with:
Fall gently, snowflakes
Cover me with white
Cold icy kisses and
Let me rest tonight.

(Maya Angelou)

=

LIFE

If sleet clouds in sky, God
make heaven wet, how
each glinting crystal
melts to womanly tears.

Adie Pena with:
Autumn sunlight streams
Through unblocked western window
Where two towers stood.

=

"Tumultuous," we moaned,
"The worn wristwatch on the ground
Broke strengthless widows."


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Fingered up the arsehole =
For heightened pleasure!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Gay hotels and bars =
Lad shags a rent-boy.

3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Prick, dong =
Dick, prong.

Rik Sengupta with:
The act of masturbation =
No coitus? Ram the fat bat!

View with:
The urine sample =
Human pees liter.

Adie Pena with:
Arse lube, pal? ~
Pleasurable!

Rick Rothstein with:
Contracting a venereal disease? =
Need clear secretions at vagina.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tesco to sell half-price Viagra over the counter =
The local source to revive 'flat-graph' erections.

Meyran Kraus with:
A typical man's underwear =
My pair was rated "unclean".

Meyran Kraus with:
Where is that damn G-Spot? =
Men wished to grasp that!


The Anagrammy Awards