Tony Crafter

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Original text in yellow, anagram in pink.

SANDY
From 'Grease'.

Stranded at the drive-in
Branded a fool
What will they say Monday at school?

Sandy can't you see I'm in misery
We made a start now were apart
There's nothing left for me
Love has flown all alone
I sit and wonder why-yi-yi-yi
Why, you left me oh Sandy

Oh Sandy baby someday when high-yi school is done
Somehow, someway, our two worlds will be one
In heaven, forever and ever we will be
Oh please say you'll stay oh Sandy

(spoken)
Sandy my darling you hurt me real bad
You know it's true but baby you gotta believe me
When I say I'm helpless without you

Love has flown all alone
I sit, I wonder why-yi-yi-yi
Why, you left me oh Sandy

Sandy, Sandy, why-yi-yi-yi-yi
Oh Sandy

ANDY
By
Silly Fergie

Hounded by the media
Wounded by greed,
What shall I do? How to proceed?

Andy, stay with me, through this misery,
They've set me up, say I'm corrupt,
The wolves are after me.
I'm in debt, to the neck,
I sit and sob, wa-wa-wa-wa-wa,
Why? Why oh why? (sniff) Andy?

And, Andy, one day when all this mess has flown,
Somehow, someway, will you arrange a loan?
A million, maybe three should be enough for me-yi-yi-yi,
Yes, say you will. Ah, Andy.

(spoken sorrowfully)
Lordy, loyal Andy, you have to believe me,
I have been a very silly lass, yes a very silly ass
One's really learnt one's lesson. Don't throw one out!

I sit, I sob, no, no-wo-wo-wo,
Don't throw me out, (sniff) Andy.

Andy, Andy, yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Ah, Andy.

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OCTOPUS'S GARDEN
By
The Beatles

I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade
He'd let us in, knows where we've been
In his octopus's garden in the shade

I'd ask my friends to come and see
An octopus's garden with me
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade

We would be warm below the storm
In our little hideaway beneath the waves
Resting our head on the sea bed
In an octopus's garden near a cave

We would sing and dance around
Because we know we can't be found
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade

We would shout and swim about
The coral that lies beneath the waves
(Lies beneath the ocean waves)
Oh what joy for every girl and boy
Knowing they're happy and they're safe
(Happy and they're safe)

We would be so happy you and me
No one there to tell us what to do
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden with you
In an octopus's garden with you
In an octopus's garden with you

PSYCHIC OCTOPUS

I'd sooner be under the sea
Than be stuck here like some sideshow in a cage.
But I've achieved celebrity,
As an octopus called Paul, who's all the rage.

Why do they wander near and far,
To see me picking mussels out of jars?
I'd sooner be under the sea,
Than be stuck here like some sideshow in a tank.

How I crave the ocean waves
Not this teeny, wet glass cube where space is sparse,
I'd love to be under the sea
And I don't want to dignify this farce.

I wish I was ocean bound,
Where I would swim and spin around.
Unsung, yet free, under the sea,
And not be a lonesome sideshow in a tank.

Don't want to stay another day
In wet, aerated brine no way, no way,
(Gulp! Aerated brine? Egad! No way)
Unplug these probes, oh boy, I need to go,
To that watery world beneath the sea
(World beneath the sea)

Suspended, happy, with my pals,
Not subdued and hung up in a tank.
I'd love to be, under the sea,
And, I need to go now, uh, huh.
Need to go now, uh huh
Need to go now. The End.

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JENNIFER JUNIPER
By
Donovan Leitch

Jennifer Juniper lives upon the hill,
Jennifer Juniper, sitting very still.
Is she sleeping? I don't think so.
Is she breathing? Yes, very low.
Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love?

Jennifer Juniper, rides a dappled mare,
Jennifer Juniper, lilacs in her hair.
Is she dreaming? Yes, I think so.
Is she pretty? Yes, ever so.
Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love?

I'm thinking of what it would be like if she loved me.
You know just lately this happy song it came along
And I like to somehow try and tell you.

Jennifer Juniper, hair of golden flax.
Jennifer Juniper longs for what she lacks.
Do you like her? Yes, I do, Sir.
Would you love her? Yes, I would, Sir.
Whatcha doing Jennifer, my love ?

Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper.
Jennifer Juniper vit sur la colline,
Jennifer Juniper assise trs tranquille.
Dort-elle? Je ne crois pas.
Respire-t-elle? Oui, mais tout bas.
Qu'est-ce que tu fais, Jenny mon amour ?
Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper.

JENNIFER ANISTON.
By
Mr Roger Jolly Jr.

Jennifer Aniston gives me such a thrill,
Jennifer, loving girl, why's she single still?
Luscious as fresh guacamole,
I'd ditch Angelina Jolie
If I were Brad Pitt, he's just insane.

Jennifer Aniston, Cupid's arrow missed,
Jennifer, injured girl, who I'd love to kiss,
Is she perfect? Yes I'd hope so,
Is she worth it? Yes I know so,
Jenny I will fix your hurting heart.

I'm thinking I'll pick up my trunk and just journey round,
If I should find her, happy we'll be Jenny 'n' me,
And perhaps I'll pop the question to her?

Jennifer, groovy girl, juicy like a pear,
Well-equipped, cherry lipped, jojoba in her hair,
You were hurt unjustly, Jenny,
Hunks like Pitt are ten a penny,
Dimpled Jenny, how I do love you.

Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer;
Jennifer Aniston, vraiment je t'adore,
Jennifer, oui, je t'aime, tu es mon amour,
Pourquoi pleure-t-elle? Je ne sais pas,
Est-elle heureuse? Je ne crois pas,
Vive la vie et vive La Jennifer!
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, oh, Jennifer!

FIN.

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BALLAD OF DAVY CROCKETT
By
George Bruns and Tom W. Blackburn

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee
Greenest state in the land of the free
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree
He killed him a b'ar when he was only three

Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier

Fought single-handed thru the Injun war
'Till the Creeks was whipped and the peace was in store
And while he was a'handlin' this risky chore
Made hisself a legend forever more

Davy, Davy Crockett, the man who don't know fear

When he lost his love, his grief was gall
In his heart, he wanted to leave it all
And lose hisself in the forest tall
But he answered, instead, his country's call

Davy, Davy Crockett, the choice of the whole frontier

He went off to Congress and served a spell
Fixin' up the government and laws as well
Took over Washington, so I hear tell
And patched up a crack in the Liberty Bell

Davy, Davy Crockett, seein' his duty clear

When he came home, his politickin' done
Why, the big western march had just begun
So he packed his gear and his trusty gun
And lit out a'grinnin' to follow the sun

Davy, Davy Crockett, leadin' the pioneer

His land is the biggest, his land is the best
From grassy plains to the mountain crest
He's ahead of us all and meetin' the test
And a'follern' his legend right into the west

Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier
Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier

THE STIRRING STORY OF DAVID BECKHAM.
(England's Talented Soccer Legend).

Born in East London, down in Leytonstone,
That's the place that he first called home,
Often you'd find him 'fore he was grown
Kickin' a ball 'gainst the wall on his own.

Little, Davy Beckham, son of Leytonstone.

ManUnited were his favourite team,
Davy was a fan, like his father had been;
They watched the lad and they liked what they seen,
Then signed Dave on (he was only fifteen!)

Worthy, David Beckham they liked what they'd seen.

When he grew up he looked just like a god,
Stunning and dishy, cor the lucky sod!
Fit, tall, straight as an iron rod,
Strong jaw, cropped hair and an athletic bod.

Stunning David Beckham, cor the lucky sod.

Playing for United nearly every week,
He really reached his professional peak,
Then all the stories began to leak,
He loved the Spice Girl with thin chiselled cheeks.

Lovelorn, David Beckham, loves Victoria.

Next thing we see, in print, across the news,
He's having this fling with siren Rebecca Loos,
Then, when we're wondering if it's all true,
Of yet another fling he stands accused!

Frightful, David Beckham, tut, tut, you love rat.

Years have passed, now he's starting new,
All's forgiven, it's forgotten too,
Now he's revered - what a so-different view!
The proper role-model for all that's true.

Winner, David Beckham, the trusty soccer star.
Winner, David Beckham, the trusty soccer star!

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CARELESS WHISPER
By
George Michael

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand
And lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

[Chorus]
I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste a chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

[Chorus]

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me
Please stay

[Chorus]

Now that you've gone
Now that you've gone
Now that you've gone
Was what I did so wrong
So wrong that you had to leave me alone

CARELESS DRIVER
By
George Michael

I feel so unreal,
As I start the car
And try to find the steerin' wheel.
When I glide away
Hear a wee voice say,
"Deluded nut, you should not drive
Away 'cause you may not survive!"

[Chorus]
I'm never gonna drive again,
Now that I'm banged up in prison,
What a fool, I can't defend,
The way I crashed the car.
Should have known better than to smoke that spliff
Then speed off, wasted, with blurred vision,
No I'm never gonna drive again
The way I used to do.

Days seem without end,
Held in a cell, without a fag or a close friend,
Ignorance ain't bliss
With no cannabis,
There's no highs in cold stewed tea,
All you do is pee!

[Chorus]

Tonight those voices seem so loud.
I hate these uncouth convict crowds,
Wish that they would stay away,
The inmates want to get me 'cause they know I'm gay,
Going to the washroom's rough,
When cornered by twelve tattooed toughs,
Dare not even chance to turn my back...
Hey, let go...!

[Chorus]

Hang on, hang on,
Have to hang on,
Oh... ouch! Oh, no,
It all seems so wrong,
Lay some weed on me, I need to get stoned!

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Updated: May 10, 2016


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