Jon Gearhart

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Original text in yellow, anagram in pink.

I've gotten myself in a bind
Doing those *gang* things from behind
I never will learn
In Hell I will burn
For giving that gal a rear-grind
-- E. O. Washebridge

I fear I might end in Hell
For what I've done, I sadly tell
Laverne was grinning
Right from the beginning
Does bang the gong slow ring a bell?
-- Bard Uri VII

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PIANO MAN
by Billy Joel

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man what are you doing here?"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright.

KEYBOARD GUY
by Jon Gearhart

At three hours 'til twelve every single day
The same damn shmoes stalk in the door
That hopeless shmuck, a little down on his luck
Has mind-sex with any pint poured

He'll say, "Boy, find a misty sing-song for me
I don't remember a one
Many ages ago
I sang hits, all slow
That was when I was still young"

Croon us all a tune you're the keyboard guy
Croon us all a tune right now
We came to hear your live song of cheer
So croon it if ya know how

I'm fast pals with a barman in this joint
He sometimes saves me a five
He's fast at gags and flaming up fags
He wishes he'd left this pimp-dive

He states "Jon, this dump is draining me"
As the laughter leaves him a frown
"I'd be great in Hollywood's state
If only I'd gone in that way 'round"

Croon us all a tune you're the keyboard guy
Croon us all a tune right now
We came to hear your live song of cheer
So croon it if ya know how

An aging man writes nil, boring shit
And he didn't find time to get wed
He'll sit by some queer on leave for a year
And feel he'd be better plain dead

A damn lassie is flapping her big fat lips
As them salesmen begin getting high
By joining in something named solitude
It seems maintains all madmen's lives

Croon us all a tune you're the keyboard guy
Croon us all a tune right now
We came to hear your live song of cheer
So croon it if ya know how

It seems lots of guests made it in today
Tall Man Pete sends me a little grin
I'll get 'em all in, It ain't all pagan sin
It's a neat feeling deep, laid in

The keyboard's alive and it sings
This amp speaker vibrates out loud
One last song I'll sing, it'll bring in the green
And gets me to feeling all proud

Croon us all a tune you're the keyboard guy
Croon us all a tune right now
We came to hear your live song of cheer
So croon it if ya know how.

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Updated: May 10, 2016


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