There was a young lady at sea,
Who said, "It is so hard to pee;"
"Indeed," said the mate,
"That accounts for the state
Of the captain, the purser and me!"

By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' eastward to the sea,
There's a Burma girl a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me;
For the wind is in the palm-trees and the temple-bells they say;
"Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!"

There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was screwed by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
And then by ten men,
Sir Gerald again,
And the band at the Waldorf Astoria!

There was a young tar from the sea,
Who screwed a baboon in a tree;
The result was most horrid,
All arse and no forehead,
Four balls and a purple goatee!

'Thank you for the music, the songs they're singing,
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing;
Who could live without it, I ask in all honesty,
What would life be,
Without a song or a dance where are we?
So I say, thank you for the music,
For giving it to me.'

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam;
And loud was his mirth,
For he knew that on Earth,
There were only two balls and he had 'em!