LADY-KILLER
(Killing by King Henry VIII)

Here is my song to my ladies,
Kath was the lady of Spain,
Anne B gave me syphilis.

Seymour I loved but I lost her,
And frail little Anne of Cleves,
Was an ugly mug, to the men.

Two whining wives lost their heads,
Fittingly Katie, she got too kinky
And kittenish, for my liking,
Catherine was on a par;
All moaned at me - big mistake!

Royal family,
Edward, Anne, sweet William, Sophie,
Giggling, fat Andy,
Ev'rybody do yo' thing.

Ev'ryone sees we are royal
As we're gliding by,
(FLOAT!) yes we float just like the toffs we are,
But we never mention Di.
(ALL!) the serfs down there say,
How'd you get t'be so posh?
Well, look at our mega jewels,
Truth is we have a lot of dosh.

Royal family,
William, stern Annie, Fergie,
Philip, Her Majesty,
Mamma get down move that thing.

Livin' in a palace is cool, as a general rule,
'cept for fussy functions every day,
(WHY!) why d'we have them stuffy state gigs?
It doesn't give us time to play.
(WE!) we never feel the sad stuff,
The only blue is in our blood;
We are getting higher and higher,
While you're just gurgling in the mud.

Royal family,
Charles, wet Edward, Fergie,
Royal family,
We're useless but we do our thing.

I hate the wretched ampers&
It's rude, rash, stark & underh&
Oh how annoying when you scan
An ampers& instead of 'and'!
If I were king of all the l&
I'd decree to have it b&,
Or well & truly choked in s&,
Then drowned - the hated ampers&!

The handy brain-jogger that we,
Exercise repetitively,
Ensures that we'll learn by heart,
The days of the month, time apart,
And hence unravel by and by,
Any uncertainties which apply!