Anagrammy Placegetters for November 1999
All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 1999 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Anagramming is a waste of fucking time =
We are kings of magic mutatings. I'm a fan.
eq.2nd - David Bourke with:
Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease =
Crazed, I? Just old beefsteak!
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mental Disorder =
Lose mind, retard?
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band =
Crap LP sung by the LSD-prone Beatles.
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
Disneyland's Magic Kingdom =
Mickey's singing, Donald mad.
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
My Sony Playstation =
Nasty noisy palm-toy.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Daniel F. Etter with:
Alien Abductions =
Tabloid nuisance.
eq.2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Anglican Bishops in the House of Lords =
Abolish nostalgic union of shepherds!
eq.2nd - Tom Myers with:
Safer workplace =
Fewer pals croak!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
This is not spam. You are receiving this because you have sent
me information about your program or opportunity and I appreciate
it. I would like to reciprocate because many of you would like
to retire, financially, within 6-9 months, as I will. Let me keep
it short and direct. I have extremely valuable information to
share with you. It involves a private club and wealth building
along with asset preservation. The best part is you DO NOT have
to recruit or sell if you choose not to. Just being a member will
avail you to unbelievable wealth building tools and information
formerly reserved only for the rich and famous. If you want to
test me on my claim to retire with this, financially, within my
first 6-9 months, do yourself a favor and click here.
=
Okay, irate viewers, I'll concede I'm a rotten bastard. I'm a
bitch for this ridiculous crap on USENET. But I've received a
lot of moolah previously with alt.binary files of me and a goat
in "69" sex (a real rarity). Unfortunately the "69"
biting has almost ruined my penis: his teeth chewed it and it's
terribly ugly, and no woman will have me. And I use a powerful
"GLUE" to "preserve my member". Pervert jerks
will buy this stuff, but I hurt too much when I pee. If you want
to try it, I'll provide you the name of every loony moron or flaky
twit inside our circle who'll pay for that shit. Drop me a note.
Ciao!
P.S. I really love sucking that goat, but I won't imbibe urine.
I hate those animal control men or accusations of "an oral
sodomy violation"... not a violation if I have consent, is
it?
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
=
Jack need quim?
Bet Jack be back.
He'd poke Jill's 'v' --
Jet cum in crack!
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Intercourse, USA =
I, a sore cunt user.
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
Starting your own business!!!
Get Paid For Every Email Message You Receive!
a.. Earn CASH for every email you receive!
b.. Stop searching... Get email about your interests!
c.. FREE membership... Start earning money right now, today!
d.. Fun and Easy
http://www.sendmoreinfo.com
=
Accrue more of this useless shit!
You get spam in your e-mail forever!
a.. We get paid for your names, see? You never eye a cent!
b.. Program may set your browser to shitty site in Albania!
c.. Never get ANYTHING free!
d.. Deceiving and Embarrassing!
http://www.defines.moron.com
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Under Bill S.1618 TITLE III passed by the 105th U.S. Congress
this letter Can Not be Considered unsolicited as long as I include
a way to be removed. To be removed from future mailings Free,
simply respond with "REMOVE" in the subject line. This
will permanently remove you from all future mailing from this
e-mail address. I promptly honor all remove requests. PLEASE SEND
REMOVES TO: larryv@england.com
=
Ironically, we hide behind constitutional laws.
Some justice - they indict presidents, but set spammers free...
So what are you going to do about it? It's a free country, love.
Mind your business and leave spamming for spammers...
End it? No problem! Send a letter to: evil.modem.muggers@fromhell
(include an irreversible cheque for 1,681,150 dollars in the envelope)
From "Devil's Little Helpers",
Mr. Larry V Smelly
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Everyone likes making easy money. This place pays you 50 cents
for every hour you browse the web!!! Get even more if you refer
people! I just got a check for $36.00!!!
=
Phooey! You're one heevee-geevee, screwy corpse-fucker!! Sorry
-- all you EVER get is $0.00, not to mention junk mail 365 times
per year. Oh, by the way -- FUCK OFF, PISS-BAG!!!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
How many alt.anagrams subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? =
Thirty: one swami can tame such a task as others, babbling, do bugger-all.
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
"Ask not what your country can do for you...
ask what you can do for your country."
"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not."
=
A history: The two Kennedys, one our country's
second-youngest Commander-in-Chief, hurry away forever.
"And has any gunshot taken away,
What you two martyrs had to say?"
3rd - Mike Keith with: [Fiona Apple's new album title]
When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights
and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land
and If You Fall It Won't Matter, 'Cuz You'll Know That You're
Right.
=
Oh, no! I knew it!
I thought it was safe to go to the music shop:
Then - like THAT - here's Fiona with her sophomore
(or should it be -ic?) song anthology,
glowingly titled with three-hundred-forty-odd letters.
Ow - a note! My stunned ears! How unhealthy!
What unworthy garbage has now been wrought
by that gawky, whiny non-entity!
That drunken hen drones on...
Her funky mouth wheezes hollow words,
her snake-like flute the melody.
Off, thin white wench!
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Mike Keith with:
Madeleine Albright =
Her label: "mediating".
2nd - Wayne Baisley with:
Walter Payton =
Now-late party.
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Jim Kalun =
Junk-mail.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
The London Planetarium =
Earthmen, I land on Pluto.
2nd - Janet Muggeridge with:
The biggest shopping mall in Western Europe =
Bluewater: I shop then limp. Nest-egg's gone. R.I.P.
3rd - Mick Tully with:
Langan's Brasserie =
Bran; snails; grease.
THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY
1st - Mick Tully with:
Dolly Parton's greatest hits =
Gross tits? Pan that yodeller!
Lads to hail pretty songster.
Oh-so-pretty art tingles lads.
Pretty girl's tone 'as lads hot!
So, hot star dangles prettily...
2nd - Tom Myers with:
All I want for Christmas =
Own this small aircraft.
Limit's half-a-crown? Rats!
Carnal filth, it's so warm.
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Birth control methods =
Norm to ditch brothels.
Mr, control the bod's hit!
Condom let births thro'.
Months' retch 'til brood.
Clothes torn mid-throb.
Lots born, ditch mother.
Mother's not told: birch!
Rich mothers don't bolt.
Hitch: oldest born to Mr.
Motto's child 'n' brother.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
Piano
Man
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
The
Gettysburg Address
3rd - Graham Perkins with:
[A line-by-line spamagram.]
rhenderson@gnwmail.com =
L.H.Moon@grand.crime.news
Great New Book Tells About Male Sexual Secrets =
A better sex game? No, we at USA sell true bollocks.
Now any man, regardless of age, can easily learn: =
Ay, we liars sell men a nosegay and no fragrance.
* To be multi-orgasmic =
* It's a lot more big cum.
* To greatly increase the intensity of his orgasm =
* Oo try feel! I'm inserting "shag toy" in the cat's
arse.
* Triple the length of his orgasm =
* Fit motet: longer, higher splash.
* The secrets to penis enlargement =
* See me stretch glans on t'pine tree.
* Discover the male G-spot =
* To give head! (sperm clots)
* To greatly increase semen volume =
* Sell toy... see more cum enter vagina.
* The facts about Viagra, plus new drugs =
* Tab? Usual act guv'... soft penis grew hard!
* To eliminate premature ejaculation =
* Jam a lime in! O ta, acute penile torture!
* The secrets of getting his partner to want more sex =
* Sent for expert tit-shag, then wet orgasm secretion.
* To eliminate impotence at any age =
* Inanimate pale totem? Gone icy? Eat!
* To have up to a three hour erection =
* I cheer out "O! Hot rapture to heaven!"
New, Easy to Read Book on Men's Sexual Secrets
Male Sexual Secrets
Written by Robert Winter and Jeff Rutgard, M.D. =
Barren, excruciating, bad twaddle sent by sour tossers just to
make extra moneys. Well, we dream of free tenners!
This is a fantastic new book covering so many little known
and unknown sexual secrets you'll be amazed. =
Wankers conning swarms of wild males. You use naked bunny-bonk
titillation on Sleaze-TV to exact e-cash.
If you don't learn something new in the first few pages that
greatly increases your sex life we'll return your money. =
Unsurprisingly, we fleece thousands of really shag-hungry men.
Ie, we treat nation of ex-tit-feelers to worry, enmity.
The total cost of this book is only $12.95 plus $3.95 shipping
and handling. =
Killing anon! Ships load of cash-blend to shitty shopping tout.
To order " Men's Secrets" Call 800-442-4853 24 hours
a day or you can send your check or money order for $16.90 to:
=
Dear moron,
Hurry, carry truckloads of cool cash to us!
Sorry, red-eye men, no C.O.D. (see note)
Avatar Publishing
168 second Ave
#PBM 285
New York, NY. 10003 =
Ass! We build vapor-company 'n' bank everything!
This message is sent in compliance of the new e-mail bill:
SECTION 301. Per Section 301, Paragraph(a)(2)(c) of S.1618 =
We're nice Sicilian criminal chaps that sent piles of feeble spam
messages to con a poor thing.
To be removed from our e-mail list please send an email with
the word Remove in the subject line to 100removeme@usa.net or
call 888-248-2594. =
Here's how to eliminate e-address error volume. Eleven million
foolish men attempt to terminate e-jabber. We vacuum clods!
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