Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2001
All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2001 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
A water-closet =
To clear waste.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Headstone =
One's death.
3rd - David Bourke with:
Christian values =
Real chauvinists.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Impressionist painter, Claude Monet =
He attempts intense colour. I am inspired.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
'Kiss of the Dragon' =
Godforsaken shit!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Victor Hugo's 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' =
Savour the unmatched gothic French book.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Lardy Girl with:
Etna's eruption =
Nature opens it.
2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Napster is dead =
Saddens pirate.
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
President Megawati Sukarnoputri =
Usurper said it meant taking power.
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Lardy Girl with:
Erotic massage =
Orgasmic tease.
eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Performance anxieties =
Impotence near fair sex.
eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Cheap toilet paper =
Crap! People hate it!
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Take a minute to fill out the simple form below and receive a
quote comparing the best values from among hundreds of the nation's
top insurance companies!
First Name:
Last Name:
Address:
City:
State:
Zip:
Phone:
Best Time To Call:
Email:
Gender:
-Male
-Female
Date of Birth:
Type of Insurance:
Insurance Amount:
Do You Currently Own An Annuity?
-Yes
-No
Would You Be Interested in Annuity Information?
-Yes
-No
Height:
Weight:
Tobacco Use:
-Never smoked or used nicotine
-Quit less than 1 yr ago
-Quit 1-3 yrs ago
-Quit 3-5 yrs ago
-Quit over 5 yrs ago
-Currently smoke cigarettes
-Other nicotine use-cigars/pipe/chew/patch
Health Status:
-Excellent: trim and athletic, no medications
-Good: no infirmities and no medications
-Fair: slightly overweight or taking medication
-Poor: have/had a serious health condition
Health conditions?
-Yes
-No
Prescription medications?
-Yes
-No
Do you engage in any hazardous activities? (i.e.scuba, skydiving,
private pilot, etc.)
-Yes
-No
Did your parents or siblings have heart disease or cancer prior
to age 60?
-Yes
-No
=
Quoted from the NRA Application Questionnaire:
Name:
Tattoos:
Farm/Oilfield:
Age:
-Under 15
-Over 63
Education:
-High School
-Other?!?!
Monthly Gun-Budget:
-Over a hundred G's
-Over nine hundred G's
-Unlimited
Are You a Man?
-Yes
-Shit, yes
-No, but I'm becomin' one next week
Are You a Republican?
-Yes
-Sure
-Obviously
Complete this sentence: "Immigrants are..."
-Quite sweet
-A menace to our country
-Target practice
Complete this sentence: "A paranoid is..."
-Insane
-An imaginative man
-Always prepared
Most Prized Possession:
-A boycotted dynamite load
-10 D.U.I. reports
-A dagger collection
-A '53 Dodge
A Movie/TV Icon:
-Rocky I
-Rocky II
-Rocky IV
-The Three Stooges
Which of these phrases is 'Politically Incorrect'?
-Nosy Chinks
-Spotty Niggers
-Pansy-Ass Faggots
-Voodoo Indians
-Lovely Nazis
-Gee, ain't nuttin' here politely incorrected
You can intermit a theft by...
-Alertin' a squad car
-Needlin' each of the bastard's eyes
-Forcin' the demon to eat his own gonads
It's wrong to hunt...
-If the animal is unique
-If I run out of ammunition
-This isn't a realistic situation.
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
Pinnacle Deals is a free site that provides daily updates of the
hottest and most difficult to find deals. Additionally, we have
secret coupon codes forover 250 stores and a community where you
can exchange deal information withother users. Always check our
site before you buy something online. Chances are, we'll save
you money.
=
52 weeks each year,
Some base act crawls in here.
Almost every other day,
I could shovel stuff away.
I could see SPAM from the start:
Such an odd idiotic fart.
No one needed you around,
So bug off, cheesy clown!
Except for a simple mind,
I guarantee you'll find
0 interest, (not a whit!)
In that "secret coupon" shit.
Even *I'll* avoid... those easily annoyed. :-)
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Network Solutions - a Verisign Company =
Look, sinners, you can view rotting spam!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
When
I do count the clock that tells the time
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Lord's Prayer
3rd - Jaybur with:
Be not like
the child in ALL ways, child
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Yasmin Le Bon =
Mainly bones.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Pietro Mascagni =
Isn't opera magic?
3rd - David A. Green with:
Not many forget ~
Margot Fonteyn.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
Ego Boost Bra =
O, great boobs!
2nd - David Bourke with:
Colonel Sanders' Kentucky Fried Chicken =
Foul skinny cocks enriched late redneck.
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra =
Horn, chime, harp, brilliant score.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
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Phone: 770-343-9724 Fax 770-772-9925
=
Dear Disciple of the Evil One,
Get your copy of "The Best of the Witches' Evil Spells" CD-ROM from Satanic Software, out now for every evil crone, intern wizard and occult practitioner, associate or pupil.
Create special spells to put a hex upon your enemies. Impress your business associates. Use your own initiative to become an ace expert in any black magic, Voodoo, sorcery, witchcraft, necromancy, devil worship, demonology, vampires, spirit possession, goblins, and pixies at the bottom of our garden.
The CD contains an impressive incantation list, including every spell to do in rich ill Uncle Ernie, who remembered you in his will, but who's too slow at dying. It won't appear to be a murder. It'll seem this old nonentity had a painless heart attack.
Caste a spell on any ninny. Yes, even Elvis Presley.
Permanently cripple your insane nephew or slip one's penis in
your nice cute niece, nineteen.
Poison your myopic grandmother, ninety.
Damage your vile ex-husband's new sports car.
Slip Elle McPherson a love potion.
Recklessly immolate your useless spouse.
Turn your clueless little brother into Richard Grantham's pet
llama.
Create an entire new career as an eerie sorcerer. It is easy as sin!
No, it is not expensive. Yes, this is exceptional value for just $666.00
Here is one easy demo piece to evaluate:
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake.
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat and slips of yew
Sliver'd in the moon eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of a birth-strangled babe
Ditch deliver'd by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Suicide
Off Egg Rock by Sylvia Plath, anagrammed into a depiction of Plath's own suicide.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Peace
by Henry Vaughan, anagrammed into paraphrases of three existing poems also related to roses.
THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY
This month's challenge was to anagram the first stanza of "The Village Blacksmith" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow into a new poem about a different occupation.
Under a spreading chestnut-tree
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Within a tubby grandma's legs
An intern gyno stands;
If he gives the hairy clam a smear
And then inspects her glands,
The matron surely starts to muse,
"I wish he'd warmed his hands."
2nd - Larry Brash with:
By a brothel's wan red light,
An untidy harlot waits.
She's a nymph, lady of the night,
Advertising her cash rates.
What sin turns man's mind, she can dismiss;
Men are smug degenerates.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Amidst the many tangl'd sheets
An anagrammist lies.
The 'gram begun, she hardly eats,
Try "northward", "snow-blind eyes".
A phrase miscast, now turn and churn
"I've finished it!" she sighs.
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