Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2013

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2013 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Giant hornets =
Another sting.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Two bullets in the head =
I bet the wound's lethal!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Prenuptial contracts =
I can plot partner's cut

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The Surrealist, M. Henri Rousseau =
Treasure his sheer luminous art.

eq2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Cowardly Lion =
Wild cat, only hero.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The brilliant, prized results: 4-1 Montenegro, 2-0 Poland =
Thrilled England supporters on to meet in Brazil, 2014

2nd - nedesto with:
A cheap costume =
Cape, moustache.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The late singer Lou Reed =
I lost a true legend here.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - nedesto with:
German physicist Albert Einstein =
This gentleman I respect is brainy.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
English actress Dame Helen Lydia Mirren, DBE =
Desirable thing elderly men chase in dreams!

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
François Rabelais =
An alias for scribe.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY


eq1st - Adie Pena with:
Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, London =
Other noble lads speak here on stage.

eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Global Positioning Systems =
Smooth going by satellite’s spin

3rd - View with:
The Amstel beer =
Best ale here!™

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Most famous artworks by Da Vinci:

1. Mona Lisa
2. The Last Supper
3. Vitruvian Man
4. Lady with an Ermine
5. Self-portrait in red chalk
=
1. Attractive smile
2. Savior's fabled lunch
3. Proportional anatomy
4. Duke's fairly vain mistress
5. Man drawn with unkempt hair

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Maxim's top five hottest women (2013):
1. Miley Cyrus
2. Selena Gomez
3. Rihanna
4. Mila Kunis
5. Jennifer Lawrence

=

1. She'll "twerk" on MTV
2. Latina honey
3. I perform music tunes
4. A sexy feminine Jew
5. Amazing cinema roles

3rd - Tyler Severance with:
Tin Man's heart
Scarecrow's brain
Cowardly Lion's courage =
Oil with screws
A cranial bone organ
Must carry on scared.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Life is like photography - we develop from the negatives.=
Rightly kept, this image of people who I love never fades.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Life is like photography - we develop from the negatives." =
The evil theory spoke of film. Perhaps we've gone digital?!

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Life is like photography - we develop from the negatives
=
Photograph
Of
Some deft pillage
In
The week
Is
Very
Evil
?

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A woman asked her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declined. "Thanks for the offer, but I am really not hungry right now. It's that darned Viagra," he said. "It has taken the edge off my appetite."

Three hours later she asked if he wanted anything to eat or drink for elevenses and she got the same reply.

At lunchtime, she enquired if he would like to have something now? "How about a bowl of soup with hot, buttered muffins or perhaps a toasted cheese and ham sandwich?"

He declined, and informed her: "It's that Viagra, it has really dulled my need for food."

Dinnertime came, and she asked if he wanted anything to eat now. "Wouldn't you like a nice, juicy rib eye steak and a scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or a tasty stir fry?"

He declined again. “No," he said, "it must be the Viagra that's responsible; I'm still not at all hungry."

"Well," she said, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving!"

=

After thirty years of being stuck in a joyless marriage, a husband and wife came to see a marriage counsellor.

When he asked what the problem was, the wife just cut in and went off into an acidic tirade, reciting every domestic problem she'd ever had in the time they'd been married: Piggish behaviour; lack of intimacy, emptiness, isolation, feeling unloved and unlovable - a sad list, in fact, of all the emotional neglect she'd endured over the years.

After allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the office-desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her long and passionately as the husband looked on meekly.

The woman immediately shut up and sat down as though in a dream. Turning to the husband, the therapist said, "Okay, this is what your wife requires a good three times a week. Could you manage it?"

"Oh..." replied the husband, "Well, I'm okay to drop her off here Mondays and Thursdays, but I play golf on the other days."

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ron, an elderly Australian man, had owned a farm for a number of years. He had a large pond in the back yard.

The pond was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with two picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening, Ron decided to go out to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and wanted to look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
~
As he moved forward with a flashlight, Ron observed a gaggle of women skinny-dipping. He made the bathing ladies aware of his presence, and they all raced to the deep end.

Positioning herself lower in the pond, one bather exclaimed, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The honourable farmer responded, "Sorry, I didn't come down to harass or take advantage, or watch you bathing gals scrabble out of the pond naked. "

eq3rd - nedesto with:
Top Ten Golf Two-liners

Golfer: I'm going to drown myself in the lake.
Caddy: Do you think you could keep your head down for that long?

Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven, you already moved half of the earth.

Golfer: Do you think my swing is better?
Caddy: Oh, yes sir. You always miss the balls much closer now.

Golfer: Do you imagine I can get to the hole with a five iron?
Caddy: Yes... eventually.

Golfer: Please stop looking at your watch. It's too disturbing.
Caddy: But it isn't a watch, sir. It's a compass. ~

Golfer: You must be the most terrible, awkward caddy in the world.
Caddy: I don't think so. That would be too much of a coincidence.

Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good, sir. Though personally, I prefer golf.

Golfer: This is the most rough, uneven course I've ever seen.
Caddy: This isn't the course, sir. We must have left that over an hour ago.

Golfer: Now that can't be my ball, it looks too old.
Caddy: We teed off a long time ago, sir.

Golfer: Do you think playing on a Sunday is a sin?
Caddy: Personally, I think the way that you play, it's a sin any day.

Brandishing a bucket, he announced, "I'm here to feed our piranhas."

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
ABBEY ROAD
1. "Come Together"
2. "Something"
3. "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"
4. "Oh! Darling"
5. "Octopus's Garden"
6. "I Want You (She's So Heavy)"
7. "Here Comes the Sun"
8. "Because"
9. "You Never Give Me Your Money"
10. "Sun King"
11. "Mean Mr. Mustard"
12. "Polythene Pam"
13. "She Came In Through the Bathroom Window"
14. "Golden Slumbers"
15. "Carry That Weight"
16. "The End"
17. "Her Majesty"
=
1. Catchy humour by John
2. Hush! George's gem!
3. "Granny music"
4. Composed by Paul
5. Hum the Ringo ditty!
6. Lennon music
7. George's tune
8. Why Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" in reverse?
9. Medley start
10. Good harmony
11. How we remember the miser!
12. A wayward dame
13. The break-in
14. Same old verse
15. Has a chorus here
16. The last movement
17. Paul's exit

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Perfect Day by Lou Reed

Just a perfect day,
Drink sangria in the park
And then later, when it gets dark, we go home.

Just a perfect day,
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later, a movie, too, and then home.

Oh, it's such a perfect day,
I'm glad I spent it with you.
Oh, such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on...

Just a perfect day,
Problems all left alone,
Weekenders on our own, it's such fun.

Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself,
I thought I was someone else, someone good.

Oh, it's such a perfect day,
I'm glad I spent it with you.
Oh, such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on...

You're going to reap just what you sow.

=

Goodbye, Lou Reed

To this gifted man!
He just brought us so much joy,
Each one of the tunes employs loads of depth.

Don't forget that man
Each time you pick up a pick,
And play "Egg Cream" with a kick, like his stuff.

To the edgy music man!
He's just the type we enjoy.
Oh, we cheer the man
Free of woe and soaring up,
So astute and rising up...

I applaud you, man,
No star made us weep like you.
Great poets are often few, so we ache.

Eulogize that man,
Read lyrics of lengthy songs
Like "Sweet Jane" and other strong, faded gifts.

Oh, weep for my edgy man
Unjustly taken today.
Rest in peace, my man,
Earning that euphoric joy,
Earning that euphoric joy...

Deep under us, you just live on.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE STORIES OF TWO BRAVE MEN.

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic; far from it. He was notorious for entangling the city in everything from bootleg liquor and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for one reason - he was rather good! In fact, Eddie's unique skill at legal manoeuvring kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him extremely well. Not only was the amount of money enormous, but Eddie got preferential 'perks' also. For instance, he and his family had a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the modern conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire city block.

He lived the high-life of the mobsters and gave scant consideration to all the evils that went on around him.

The affluent lawyer did have one soft spot, though. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie made sure that his son had smart clothes, an automobile, and a superior education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.

And, in spite of his attachment to organised crime, Eddie tried to teach him right from wrong. He wanted his son to be a far better man than he was. But, in spite of all his wealth and influence, there were two things that the corrupt lawyer couldn't give his son: he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Eddie made a difficult decision. He wanted to put right all the wrongs he had done.

He decided he'd go to the authorities and tell the truth about Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. In doing this, he knew he'd have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the resultant cost would be terrible. But he testified.

Within the year, Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lone Chicago street. But, in his death, he had bequeathed his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price that a man could pay. The cops removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem that he had snipped from a magazine. The poem read:

"The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop,
At late or early hour.
Now is the only time you own.
So live, love, toil with a will,
Place no faith in time.
For the clock may soon be still."

=

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes.
One such man was Lieutenant Commander Edward 'Butch' O'Hare.

Butch was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day, he and his squadron were sent out on a mission. While he was in mid-air, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to fill the tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete the mission and get back to his ship.

His senior flight leader told him to return to the carrier, so he reluctantly obeyed, dropped out of the formation and headed gloomily back to the fleet.

On his way to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold... a squadron of Japanese aircraft was heading toward the American fleet!

His fellow fighters were away on a sortie, leaving the fleet defenseless.

He could not reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Neither could he warn the fleet of the approaching aerial danger. So he decided there was only one thing to do. He'd got to somehow divert them...

Ignoring his personal safety, he accelerated and dived into the formation of Japanese planes.

Wing-mounted machine-guns blazed as he charged in, boldly attacking one enemy plane after another.

Butch wove elusively in and out of the now broken formation, firing at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dived at the planes, trying to clip a wing or a tail in hopes of damaging as many as possible, leaving them unfit to fly.

Finally the exasperated Japanese planes took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his plane limped back to the ship.

Upon landing, he related the whole event. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale too. It showed the extent of Butch's attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.

For this action, Butch became the Navy's first Ace of WWII, the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honour.

EPILOGUE.

A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat, aged only twenty-nine.

His home town could not allow the memory of this WWII hero to die and today O'Hare Airport in Chicago is so titled in dedication to the courage of this good man.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE IN COMMON?

Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A sonnet from Caelica

In night when colors all to black are cast,
Distinction lost, or gone down with the light,
The eye a watch to inward senses placed,
Not seeing, yet still having powers of sight,
Gives vain alarums to the inward sense
Where fear stirred up with witty tyranny
Confounds all powers, and thorough self-offense
Doth forge and raise impossibility:
Such as in thick depriving darknesses
Proper reflections of the error be
And images of self-confusednesses,
Which hurt imaginations only see;
And from this nothing seen, tells news of devils
Which but expressions be of inward evils.

=

Night of the Dead

When darling children go to find that treat
As corpses, vixens, ghosts and apparitions,
No witnesses and people serving sweets
Will find this scene obscene by definition.
We're willing to repress the wicked sight
So no one fathoms something more primeval:
The flippant tone in this October night
Conceals the real identity of Evil.
Why only focus on the wrongs within,
If Halloween is warding off such traces
Of any selfishness and daily sins?
God knows our florid masks are but our faces.
This is what children's costumes can reveal:
Their wrongs are false, but ours are very real.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
"I can please her four times a night" =
Hearing it puts a smile on her face :-)

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Gastrointestinal discomfort =
I got colitis and monster farts.

3rd - View with:
First time having intercourse =
Firm at coitus, he enters virgin.

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