Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2020

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2020 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin =
Initial theme for BBC telling young a story.

2nd - David Bourke with:
Lockdown restrictions =
Strict, closed in, no work.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Quarantine workout =
Take a run now, or quit?

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Grimm Brothers' old fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty =
Deeply fishy to grab a girl in slumber after #MeToo!

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Late Night with Seth Meyers: A Closer Look =
A hoot, or take the merciless news lightly.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius =
Literature used by a Stoic humanism

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - John Murray with:
Due to government indecision ~
Covid nineteen is urgent doom

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The American president Donald Trump =
Idle man underreports that pandemic.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Captain Sir Thomas Moore ~
is a rare champion to most

3rd - Valery Silivanov with:
Mathematician Grigory Perelman =
Hypermagical enigma terminator

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The president of the USA =
Here's the stupid fat one!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The novel coronavirus =
I can't over-love our NHS.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Portmeirion Italianate Village on the N. Wales coast =
A place to revisit later, when I am not alone isolating.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbit come into a bar. The bartender asks the customers, "And what will you guys have?"
=
As the Priest and Minister say "Big warm ales", Rabbit waves a hand, "Thanks, but I am only here due to Autocorrect.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The biography 'Finding Freedom: Harry, Meghan and the Making of a Modern Royal Family' by Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand
=
In a big book: A mollycoddled ginger hooray-henry buffoon, and a sniffy, demanding, mercenary mad harpy that married him.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

From a distance, the world looks blue and green,
And the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
And the eagle takes to flight.

From a distance, there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
It's the voice of every man.

=

Grandpa, Sat At Home

Sat at home, and I can't meet the grandkids here -
From the balcony I wave.
Sat at home, and their effervescent cheer
Is the one nice thing I crave.

Sat at home, and even if it's hot,
All those nights feel much too cold.
To the ones who spoke of pandemic woes -
It cuts deeper if you're old.

2nd - Maurice Goddard with:
From a distance, the world looks blue and green,
And the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
And the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
It's the voice of every man.
=
The Earth is a planet in Space,
Ninety-three million miles from the Sun.
Living there is a mad human race,
Fighting each other in wars now or done.

Offence devastated! So many dead!
The detached shock! So sore!
Hottest thought: Be Pacifist! Vote!
Hottest deed: Come face to face!
Hope! Make love! NOT war!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
From a distance, the world looks blue and green,
And the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
And the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
It's the voice of every man.
=
Dominic Cummings,
A degenerate we hate;
He drove all the way to Durham
Despite a lockdown state.
His instincts as a father
Convinced him of his right;
There'd be less to have a go at
If he seemed all contrite.
No hope of a sorry,
Not even one attempt.
Oh dear... he can SO fuck off
I seethe at the contempt!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer with a cheese sandwich.

The bartender looks at him in amazement and says, "Gosh, you're a duck!"

"I notice your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I notice your ears are working, as well," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and sandwich please?"

"Certainly, very sorry about that," says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just that we don't get that many ducks in here. So, what are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," replies the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The astonished bartender just can't believe this duck and is eager to learn more, but he takes the hint when the duck says: 'Cheers', pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his cheese sandwich, then bids the barman farewell and leaves.

The same thing happens every day for the next two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town!

The ringmaster calls into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:
~
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, between you and me, I know of a duck that would be a brilliant addition to your troupe. He talks and drinks beer, eats cheese sandwiches, and can read a newspaper!"

"Sounds remarkable!" says the ringmaster, handing the bartender his business card. "Get your beaky friend to phone me sometime soon."

The next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Good day, Mister Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying real good money."

"OK, I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the bartender.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"A proper circus?" the duck asks again. "In an enormous TENT?"

"Yep!" the bartender replies.

"With those animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.

"Of course," the bartender replies.

"And the tent has CANVAS sides and a canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says:

"What would they want with a plasterer?"

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

Millennials, I know this 2020 pandemic is harsh and really ruining your life right now. You're afraid you'll run out of food. You have to be at a certain distance from older loved ones. Those numbers seem unnerving: First 11 are infected, then 119, then 184 deaths, then 920... You hear that the global infection rate will reach 85%-95%. And your leader is this insane nihilist who's usually spouting nonsense and lies.

Meanwhile, you don't remember what day it is. It's a dull, miserable existence with sleepless nights and nap-filled days. It might be easier to work from home in theory, but not when your children are home-schooled. Furthermore, you're in constant fear you would be unemployed when things deteriorate.

You can't even go and buy a simple toaster. And when they decide you can go out, you have to wear a stupid paper mask.

So life couldn't possibly get any worse, right?

=

But imagine for a second that you were born in 1910. When you're four, WWI starts and ends on your eighth birthday with 40 million deaths. Later that year, Earth is facing the Spanish Flu epidemic and fifty million people die from it in two years. When you turn 19, the Great Depression begins and runs until you're 28. The entire world economy nearly collapses. You turn 29, and that's when WWII starts. 85 million people perish, six million of them in the Holocaust alone. And then, on your 52nd birthday, there's the Cuban missile crisis. Life as we know it could've ended right there and then.

But you manage to survive all of this and more, and eventually reach the respectable age of 110. Those terrible things made you stronger and you feel you could live on for many more years. And then you die because someone coughed on you.

Does wearing a mask still sound like a hassle?

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Peace of Wild Things"
Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
=
A false narrative of peace parents offer to terrified children, entitled
"Where the Wild Things Are"

One night Max donned a wolf suit
and made a lot of mischief,
so his mother called him 'Wild Thing'
and sent him to bed without his dinner.
Late that night, while trees began to grow in his room,
an ocean rushed by with a fleet boat to ferry the 'wolf'
away to the remote area where terrifying things live.
The wee wolf-god overpowered
the fierce spirits of wild things,
crowned himself as king,
and weakened, they obeyed.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Plague (A sonnet by Christina Rossetti)

"Listen, the last stroke of death's noon has struck -
The plague is come", a gnashing Madman said,
And laid him down straightway upon his bed.
His writhed hands did at the linen pluck;
Then all is over. With a careless chuck
Among his fellows he is cast. How sped
His spirit matters little: Many dead
Make men hard-hearted. "Place him on the truck.
Go forth into the burial-ground and find
Room at so much a pitful for so many.
One thing is to be done; one thing is clear:
Keep thou back from the hot unwholesome wind,
That it infect not thee." Say, is there any
Who mourneth for the multitude dead here?

=

A Big Mistake

When horrid things take place, we'll tell our kid
Some incoherent tosh to ease that dread,
And children need this aid to close the lid
On gruesome phobias inside those heads.
But uninformed adults that want delusion,
That breach the law with childish indignation,
Might mess up years of airtight, apt conclusions -
Then force a trauma on the population.
I'd highly recommend to know for sure
The hidden facts - and not to overnight
Some shipment of placebos and fake cures
Which mainly make this worse and fuel this fright;
When monumental days shake us apart,
The "mugs" are those that only think they're smart.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
I WANT TO BREAK FREE
By
Queen

I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love

It's strange but it's true, yeah
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh, how I want to be free, baby
Oh, how I want to be free
Oh, how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own

So baby can't you see
I've got to break free
I've got to break free
I want to break free, yeah
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free
=
HOW TO BEAT ENNUI? BREAK FREE!
By
Kevin Footloose (and wife, Eva Footloose, too)

I want to break free
I want to break free,
I want to break out of my house
Boy, I've got to be free of these four walls,
I've got to be free,
By God, it's been like eternity!

Coronavirus
Has befallen us for the first time,
And we've all been told it'll kill you,
Now we must stay indoors,
Beware, that freaky virus will kill.

I am vegetating,
Getting tired of book-reading and now I don't know what to do,
Yet I've got to be sure
When I walk out the door,
I'll be okay to be free, for I'm
Going on seventy-three,
Will I be okay to be free?

I've no food or wine,
How can I go on livin' this way, livin' this way,
Survivin' the day on one doughnut?
I vow, my gut thinks my throat has been cut!

Wife Eva agrees,
We've got to break free,
Sneak out, quietly,
After I take a wee,
I want, I want, I want, I want... I think I want to break free.

3rd - David Bourke with:
There was a young woman named Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
=
He's a naughty orangutan, Maurice,
And he moved very slow, what a loris!
He swings in the tree top,
With a twenty-feet drop,
Then he abuses a gnu named Doris!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
How I passed the time during that Corona pandemic =
I sat and watched porn images I hid on the computer!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Missionary
Soixante-neuf
The scoop me up
Cowgirl
=
Sexual positions for our gymnastic women, eh? Epic!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Communicating much dissatisfaction =
Is Dominic Cummings a cunt? Oh, it's a fact!