Anagrammy Placings by nedesto
All the highly-placed anagrams by nedesto from the Anagrammy Awards.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
President Barack Hussein Obama =
Subpoenas asked, "American birth?"
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
Medical experimentation =
Examined mice to learn tip.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes =
Vexing quest coloured by dementia.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2011:
eq2nd - nedesto with:
"Well, Sister Anna, are you putting on weight?" asked Father David during a visit to the convent, seeing that her stomach was bulging.
"Why, no" she answered, "It's really just a bit of gas."
Three months later Father David put the question to her again, noticing her habit barely fit aross her belly now. =
"What? No, I just have the gas." said the big fat Sister Anna, quietly blushing.
On yet another visit to the nunnery somewhat later, Father David was going down the corridor when he passed Sister Anna wheeling a baby carriage.
Looking in, the thoughtful priest observed smartly, "Cute little fart!"
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
The Sun's Page Three Girl =
Gal preens her huge tits.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
"Man would sooner have the void for his purpose than be void of purpose." - Nietzsche =
Fred theosophizes about the answer of unproved nihilism over unopposed havoc.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
A woman awoke to find that her husband wasn't in their bed. She went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, all deep in thought, staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his face and take another sip of his coffee.
"Coming down here now? It's midnight. What's the problem dear?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you weren't even 16?" he asked.
"How I do." she said.
"And remember when your father found us, out in the back seat of my old Buick?"
"I do."
"And remember him shoving that shotgun right in front of my face and saying, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend the next 20 years in prison'?"
"I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear and said, "I would've gotten out today."
=
Chad was in a mess of man-trouble again. He had forgotten his 2nd wedding anniversary! His feared wife was inhumanly furious at him.
She irately fumed at him, threatening, "Okay you idiot! Tomorrow I want a fancy gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 120 in 6 seconds. May God mark my words: IT HAD BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning, he got up early and went to work. When his moody wife awoke, she peered out the window and Aha! discovered sure enough there was a small present which he had gift-wrapped in the middle of the street.
Abashed, the wife put on her robe, walked out to the street, and took the present back in the house.
Opening it up, she found a brand new bathroom scale.
Chad has been missing since Friday.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly clandestine positions are hard to fill, and then there's a lot of testing and background scrutiny involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks and the training and the testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to three: two males and one female, but there was only one position available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get to have the secretive job. The men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our orders whatever the circumstances," they calmly told him. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Now you must take the gun and kill her."
The man looked horrified and said, "No! You can't be serious!" "I wouldn't ever harm my dear wife!" he sobbed. "Well," said the tough CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for the job then. Now leave."
So then they brought the second man to the same door and handed him the gun. "We must know that you will follow our orders no matter what the circumstances." Then they told the second man, "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Now take the gun and kill her."
~
The second man looked very shocked and sick, but nevertheless took the gun and went armed into the room. All was silent for about five minutes. The door opened; the man came out of the room clenching his eyes in pain. Crying, he said. "I panicked. I tried to shoot twice, but I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I was never the man for the job." "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have the icy nerves of a CIA agent. You can go home with your wife."
Now only the woman was left. The CIA guys led her to the same door and same room and handed her the gun. They said, "We must be sure you will follow every instruction no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun, go in, and kill him with it."
The woman took the gun, ran, and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for fifteen shots. All hell broke loose in the room. They heard manic screaming, clanking, and frantic banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went silent.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped sweat from her brow and ranted, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
Children tug on ~
underclothing.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
"Since we are intelligent human beings living in the twenty first century ~
we tweet inanely trifling cliches but, in sum, never anything interesting."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
All Along The Watchtower
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
Healthy mood? =
Hold the mayo!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2011:
eq2nd - nedesto with:
A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney =
How I made ninety two years fun.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
The Veterans of Foreign Wars =
We fight overseas near front.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
A trooper pulled a car over and asked the man driving why it was that he was speeding. He said he was a juggler and was hurrying to get to a show at the Children's Circus. Because the cop was fascinated, he told the driver that if he would juggle for him, he wouldn't issue a ticket.
The man told the trooper he'd sent all his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle yet. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them.
=
The juggler said yes, so the cop lit and handed him five flares. As the man was juggling, a van pulled up. This red-faced doddering Irish drunk got out, watched the juggler for a while, then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in. The cop watched him, then scurried over and asked the sottish aimless drunk what he thought he was doing.
Halfhearted, he said, "You really might as well take me up to jail, Chief, because there ain't no way I can pass that test."
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
His epic orgasm =
Seismographic!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2011:
eq2nd - nedesto with:
Little Nathaniel and Ted just met in their daycare.
"My Daddy sells books. What does yours do for a living?" Nathaniel asked. ~
"My dad is a mob-snitch lawyer," said Ted.
"Honest?" asked Nathaniel, totally floored.
"No, just the regular kind," said Ted naively.
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
A fart is ~
fast air.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
71% of women usually do think their asses are damn big ~
but 17%, if so asked, would nonetheless marry him again!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq2nd - nedesto with:
Alas, I'm no ~
Mona Lisa.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq2nd - nedesto with:
1. Romney
2. Santorum
3. Gingrich
4. Paul
5. Perry
6. Bachmann
=
1. Inhuman
2. Creepy
3. Grumpy
4. Boring
5. Charlatan
6. Mrs. "No!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
British scientist Stephen William Hawking =
Knew spacetime with his brilliant insights.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Stop Online Piracy Act =
Potential conspiracy?
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
The Superior called the sisters together informing them in dismay, "And, as of now, we have a case of gonorrhea in the convent!"
=
"Yes! Praise Heaven!" sang a nun coming over to the front of the room as she cheered, "We're so tired of swilling that damn Chianti!"
LONG CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq2nd - nedesto with:
Twelve young priests were going to be ordained into the order. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a blond big-breasted model danced nude before them.
First, all the priests had small bells attached to their penises. Then they were told that anyone whose bell so much as tinkles while the model pranced in front of them wasn't going to be ordained, because he hadn't reached a state of spiritual purity. ~
So, the nubile amorous model danced heatedly before the first candidate without any reaction at all. As she went down the line, the same response was repeated from all the priests until she got to the remaining priest.
As she danced by, his bell began to ring so loudly indeed that it flew clattering away to the ground. Mortified, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell...
When behind him, all the other bells started to ring.
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq1st - nedesto with:
Threesomes =
Hetero mess!
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
When I asked my pal Fred about his ornery addiction to ~
brake fluid, he said, "Oh, don't worry, Ed. I can stop any time."
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
On the Origin of Species written by Charles Darwin =
Clear inspired theory of genetics was born within.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
Newest iPad =
I want speed!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Bessy the old Guernsey told Molly the heifer, "I've been artificially inseminated; it was done only about four hours ago!"
=
"Hogwash!" Molly said acutely, "I don't believe any of it for one minute."
Bessy raised her aged hoof, "It's entirely true - no bull."
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Top novels:
1. Anna Karenina
2. Madame Bovary
3. War and Peace =
1. Reawakened in a romance
2. A savvy mantrap
3. Bad Napoleon!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
Find Groening's spoiler? =
Springfield's in... Oregon!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, April 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
The top three child prodigies:
1. Mozart
2. Picasso
3. Pascal
=
1. Greatest composer
2. Artistic lad
3. Chap philosophized
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
Top ranked films:
1. The Shawshank Redemption
2. The Godfather
3. The Godfather: Part II
4. Pulp Fiction
5. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
=
1. Freedom tempted Andy
2. Coppola hit
3. Kiss of Death
4. Wild fresh Tarantino breakthrough
5. The Gold, the Gunfight and the Epitaph
LONG CATEGORY, April 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
A guy sees a little duck walking slowly by some railroad tracks, seemingly not able to fly.
He stops his car and puts the duck in the passenger seat and goes along the road, when a cop pulls him over.
"Don't you know it's against the law to drive loose birds around inside your car?" the officer asks the guy.
"Yes, yes, I know, sorry," the guy explains, "Only this duck cannot fly, so I'm going to take it to the zoo."
"Okay then," says the cop, and lets the guy go off with the duck.
The next day, the cop sees the guy again, and he still has the duck in his car.
Exasperated, he stops the guy, and says, "Look, I thought you were taking that duck to the zoo."
"Yes, I did," says the guy, "And now I'm taking him to the theatre."
=
This outrageously cute duck waddles into this store and chattily asks the clerk, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"
The clerk says, "Huh? No."
The next day, the wee duck goes into the shop and asks, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"
The clerk frowns visibly and says, "No! I told you I haven't got any grapes!"
The next day, the duck enters into the shop and asks, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"
"No, dammit!" the frazzled clerk yells, "Now if I see you coming around this store again asking me about grapes, I am surely going to staple both of your idiotic little feet to the floor!!"
The next day, the duck waddles into the store and asks the clerk, "Hi, hi! You got any staples?"
The clerk says, "...Um...no..."
"Good!" says the duck, "Got any gwapes?"
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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