Long Anagram by Larry Brash

May I take the liberty to introduce myself as; Mr. Yeng Zang, Bank Manager of a reputable bank in Taipei, Taiwan and I have an urgent and very confidential proposal for your review and consideration. Just before the last financial quarter of banking operations, I was able to discover a certain Fixed Deposit for twelve calendar months made by a certain foreign individual, valued at a sum that is quite impressive. I made several frantic efforts and investigations and discovered that the depositor died in an automobile accident and he died without appointing a successor, all attempts to trace any of his relatives was fruitless as he did not declare any next of kin or relations in all his banking mandates, including official documents and deposit paperwork in my bank.

This sum and the interest has being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year at the rate of 19% per annum which comes to a colossal sum. The need for foreign assistance becomes crucial as a next of kin to the depositor is earnestly being searched for, as I cannot acquire the funds in my name. I have carefully developed a foolproof, legal and totally risk free transaction through which the money will be transferred to your nominated bank account within a very short time after due documentation and authentication process if you are willing to participate.

The strategy is to use my position and influence as the Branch Manager to present you as a next of Kin and beneficiary of the money as I shall arrange all documentation to support this claim and I shall grant approval for the transfer of the funds into your nominated Bank account.

The required assistance is perfected to be 100% risk free and I want to assure you that I have concluded all local modalities for the successful completion of this transaction, and I am sure the funds can arrive your nominated Bank account within 7 - 10 working days following our agreement to carry out this transaction, the money will be paid to you by any means of your choice for us to share at a ration we shall both agree on.

Please reply immediately via the private email address above and endeavour to give me a private telephone/fax number (stating country and city codes) through which I can communicate with you in confidence as the need for secrecy is highly important to this transaction.

I expect your urgent response; no matter your decisions to enable me conclude on what next to do. Please pardon my discretion; I hope to be more detailed as we progress.

With regards,
Mr. Yeng Zang
Taipei, Taiwan.

 

=

 

Dear Sir

I contact you on a most confidential and important matter that can be of immense benefit for both of us. I can trust you will keep a proposal of this kind as a secret and not divulge it to anyone else.

I am the head of Microsoft, a computer software company based in Redmond, Washington State, USA. This company began in 1978 as a small concern run by a group of talented computer programmers, including myself. It has grown by the steady and thoughtful acquisition of other software companies, the suppression of other clearly inadequate operating systems, and my caring leadership role of the Internet, with the development of our superior fault-free web browser, Internet Explorer and email program Outlook Express.

Unfortunately, at times, that progress has been impeded by an unwarranted interference of the US Federal Goverment in the fair trading of our company, and caused by litigation against us, leveling idiotic charges of breaking inane antitrust laws, and merely because Microsoft Office and Internet Explorer are the most loved programs available to anyone around the World today.

The company has had to suffer cruel attacks, unfair taunts, cynical knocking and negative ridicule by the appearance of anti-Microsoft websites like at http://members.ozemail.com.au/~lbrash/msjokes/ run by a certain Larry Brash, who is patently an insane idiot and a satanic communist.

Yes, we have had the occasional problem. In 1996, we once developed Windows "Diana", which initially looked quite attractive, but drained a lot of resources, and crashed really badly. Then, next, we announced the unfortunate software glitch aboard the Kursk. We intentionally did not include the correct torpedo guidance drivers in that Russian version of Windows, as the captain had attempted to load an illegal version of Microsoft Excel.

On the positive side, Microsoft has taken an audacious initiative and developed a range of different colors for the Blue Screen of Death with unique and imaginative error messages, and it has made the dancing paperclip even more helpful than previously.

You may have noticed that this organisation is loved for its philanthropic activity. Microsoft is keen to donate and share our sizeable financial profits with anyone of similar ideas. You can easily initiate this and then achieve riches in an instant. Once you register as a charity, then I can divert $40,000,000 into your account. You can take $10,000,000, and credit me $30,000,000, and then I can avoid extra taxation (again). See - easy!

Contact me.

Thank you

yours sincerely

Bill Gates III

[2,062 letters]


This anagram won an Anagrammy in July 2004 (Special Category).


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