Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2001

All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 2001 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Mick Tully with:
Designated driver =
Danger is diverted.

2nd - Lardy Girl with:
Fairy tales ~
are falsity.

3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Sending a wrapped present =
P.S. We need paper and string.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
'The Lord of the Rings' by John Ronald Reuel Tolkien =
Thrilling nether-land journey of three old books.

2nd - David A. Green with:
The adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn =
Cheerful Mark Twain story: Tender boys have fun. End.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Blue Period of Picasso =
Oh, pictures of pale bodies.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Surrender of Talibans =
Arrest Bin Laden for us!

2nd - Allan Morley with:
Palestinian Authority =
Antipathy unto Israeli.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Connex South East to introduce toiletless trains =
Don't excrete, as this line's soon to cut out latrines.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
A wet snatch... ~
what a scent!

2nd - Mick Tully with:
Masturbation is healthy, ~
a horny habit stimulates!

3rd - Allan Morley with:
Anal intercourse =
Unions are rectal!

THE SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Mother of a 15 year old boy was cleaning and putting laundry away when she came across a large brown paper bag that was suspiciously buried beneath some clothes and a skateboard in the back of her 15-year-old son's closet. Nothing could have prepared her for the shock she got when she opened the bag and found it was full of cash; five dollar bills, twenties, fifties and hundreds - all neatly rubber-banded in labeled piles.

"My first thought was that he had robbed a bank," says the 41-year-old woman, "There was over $71,000 dollars in that bag\'85.. that's more than my husband earns in a year." The woman immediately called her husband at the car dealership where he worked to tell him what she'd discovered. He came home right away and they drove together to the boy's school and picked him up. Little did they suspect that where the money came from was more shocking than actually finding it in the closet.

As it turns out, the boy had been sending out via E-mail on the Internet a type of 'chain-letter' to E-mail addresses that he got off of the Internet. Everyday after school for the past 2 months, he had been doing this right on his computer in his bedroom.

Two days later the parents recovered another bag labelled "Hot Chicks Get Hosed By Old Guys", with cheap photos and bootleg tapes. "Ah, Bobby's an adult!" his mother grinned, while his father reacted, "That's true, he's mature now. We all have fantasies, like, oh, deep anal fun with Thatcher."

The caring parents still defended him when he hacked into the phone company's mainframe and then into four city banks. "Well, calling him 'charlatan' or 'corruptive' is a bit harsh," the boy's mother remarked, "Nobody's perfect. He's no Unabomber... yet." "Oh, he's obviously grown up," his dad deduced, "Learning a vocation is a significant thing. He promised us he'd get off his butt and 'make money' and he sure did, down in his basement. Those notes were perfect, utterly identical to five and twenty dollar bills! What a craftsman."

After the boy ran an illegal pyramid scheme, a sour mob stormed the house. "Oh, what a lovely boy!" the mother was heard yelling in the riot as the angry mob smashed the front door, "Hundreds of fans line up to see him! What a great lad!!!" "Hey, at least he has a good taste," added the boy's dad as they were about to be lynched, "After all, those chicks *were* hot!"

2nd - Allan Morley with:
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3rd - Larry Brash with:
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PERVERSIONS 'R' US

We'll connect you lot to these websites pandering to your sexual foible.

*Keen Boys and Girls cum out to play.
*Eating Faeces and Other Excrement.
*Dying for Necrophilia.
*189 Uses for Rubber, Dildoes, etc.
*Banging VERY Fat Chicks.
*Masochism is a Pain.
*Killing Gay Men in Toilets.
*Electrode Placement.
*Constipated? Accept an Enema.
*Semen Club.
*The Shoe as a Sexual Object.
*Frotteurs Rub Me The Right Way.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Angram research

Single-Letter Retrieval Cues for Anagram Solution. (Statistical Data Included) KENNETH L. WITTE; JOEL S. FREUND.

ABSTRACT. Anagram solution, as related to single-letter retrieval cues and first letter of the solution word (consonant or vowel), was examined. In Experiment 1, college-aged solvers were presented both types of 5-letter words and either the first letter of the solution word as a cue, or no cue. In Experiment 2, the effects of four types of retrieval cues (first, middle, or last letter or no cue) upon solving consonant-beginning words was examined. Finally, Experiment 3 examined the solution of both types of solution words as related to the preceding four types of retrieval cues. The results of all 3 experiments showed that a single letter can be an effective cue. For consonant-beginning words, the middle and last letters were as effective as the first letter. For vowel-beginning words, the first letter was more effective than either the middle or last letter. It was concluded that solvers select one letter of the anagram, typically a consonant, to serve as the first letter of the solution word, and then rear range the remaining letters.

I don't believe it!

We went to the trouble of doing this exciting postdoctoral research on anagrams, then when we sent it to alt.anagrams, I spelt the most important title word (anagram) wrong! A horrendous typo! How embarrassing!

Except the little regretful error, I still felt that the devotees of alt.anagrams would find it an exceptional article and, in effect, a good learning experience. I'm eager to read everyone's opinions. Feel free to tell us:

Larry Brash: "Now, which of you useless overeducated college idiots wrote this moronic stuff?"
David Bourke: "Well, it'll need a ton of effing rude ones. None? Then shove off, fat tosser!"
Richard Grantham: "Utter nonsense! Results of the all tests contain errors."
Walter Newboldt: "i felt its terrific wonderful clever droll stuff except i fell asleep reading it. Still need volunteers?"
Dan Fortier: "It's rotten, total crap, feces, etc. etc. etc."
Janet Burholt: "An extreme time waster. Never send any further ones of these."
Ernesto Guiraldes: "It's academic claptrap. The worst test I've seen; no contest."
D.A. Green: "Some ass fondler gave a grant to study this over-rated excrement?"
M. Tully: "It's awful senseless shit! Expect very little talent there!"
O. bin Laden: "Suffer, troll! 135,223,001 curses on the infidel!"

2nd - Allan Morley with:
On the twelfth day of Christmas

3rd - Jaybur with:
Prince Charles's modern English rewriting of Hamlet's soliloquy, 'To be, or not to be.'

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
The late George Harrison =
Singer: Altogether a hero.

2nd - Allan Morley with:
Louis Armstrong =
Rumor: sings a lot.

3rd - Jaybur with:
Artist Amedeo Modigliani =
I'd made oil into art images.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
The Subaru Legacy =
Let's buy a HUGE car!

eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Italy's Mafiosi =
So, it is a family.

eq.2nd - Tom Hornikel with:
Dateline NBC =
Bin Laden, etc.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
A simultaneous anagram and approximate translation of Une Sainte en son auréole by Paul Verlaine, set to music which is itself an anagram of Gabriel Fauré's setting of the Verlaine.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
John Keats: Ode on Melancholy

3rd - Matjaz Pihler with:
Words don't come easy to me

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